Yeah, I guess I am.
Not that I was ever really fooling myself—or anyone else, for that matter—into thinking our relationship was purely professional or even platonic, but it’s still a pretty big leap between nanny and girlfriend.
Or wife.
The King and Queen finish speaking and walk over to where Ella and I are standing off to the side, pulling me from my thoughts as a million flashbulbs go off around us.
“Already over?” I offer my best smile for the cameras while still trying to give Ella as much cover as possible. “That didn’t take long at all.”
Stellan grunts even though he’s also smiling widely, then says through his teeth, “Oh, we’re just getting started, my friend.”
Margot snickers and looks up at him adoringly before turning her attention back to me and Ella. “I have to lead a tour through the exhibit. Would you like to join me, Ella?”
That protective feeling rears its head again, and I start to politely decline for her before the Queen adds, “You wouldn’t have to say or do anything, of course. You could even hang back behind the photographers. I just thought you might enjoy the exhibit—and it’ll keep you from having to suffer through dealing with these two with their endless business talk.”
Ella casts a quick glance in my direction but she’s hiding her nerves well as she smiles graciously and nods to Margot. “That does sound nice, thank you. I was actually hoping to get a look at the exhibit before we left. You’re sure it won’t be a big deal if I stick to the back of the group?”
“Not a big deal at all,” Margot winks, gesturing for Ella to follow. “Watch this. I’ll keep them all distracted.”
The Queen sweeps through the rotunda and raises her voice to start the tour, leaving the press no choice but to scramble after her. Ella simply laughs and looks back over her shoulder at me one last time before following along behind the crowd.
The sunlight filtering in through the stained glass of the rotunda makes her look like an angel, and I can’t take my eyes off her until Stellan gives me a not-so-subtle jab to the ribs.
“How long have you been in love with her?”
Those words hit me like a dash of cold water to the face. “I’m… what? No. Not in love. It’s just that… I, um…”
His laugh echoes through the rotunda as he claps me on the back. “It’s okay, Keir. You don’t have to answer. I just think it’s funny how you think you’re being so clever and secretive when your feelings for her are pretty obvious. Almost as obvious as her feelings for you.”
If it was anyone else, I’d argue with his assessment. I’d tell him he’s mistaken or crazy or possibly reading too much into the situation.
But he isn’t crazy and he isn’t entirely wrong. Besides, Stellan has known me for too long. He’ll keep calling me out for my bullshit if I try to keep making excuses.
“Love is a pretty strong word,” is the best defense I can muster. “Love isn’t practical. Love doesn’t solve all the problems that a couple like me and Ella would face—if we were a couple. Which, for the record, we’re not.”
There.
That’s the closest thing to the truth I can get without going too deeply into details that aren’t anyone else’s business.
His face turns serious again as he nods. “Yes, I can understand that, probably better than most people. I’m sure you remember the uproar among the press and the courtiers—not to mention the aristocracy—when I announced my engagement to Margot.”
“They loved her and hated her all at the same time. They spread lies and rumors while they begged and pleaded to get her smiling face on the covers of their newspapers and magazines.”
“Exactly,” Stellan grimaces, no doubt recalling those stressful early days in their relationship. “You would face something similar with Ella, but on a slightly smaller scale.”
“Slightly smaller,” I agree, then clear my throat. “That isn’t something she or I will need to worry about, though. It just isn’t going to happen, Stellan.”
He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. For a moment, I wonder if he’s going to keep pressing the issue. Instead, he simply says, “Just remember to enjoy your time with her while it lasts. If you’re smart, you’ll figure out a way to keep her around permanently.”
He turns to wander off in the direction of Margot’s tour, leaving me to follow a step behind and think about what he said.
Ideally, Ella and I could keep going forever just like we are now. No complications. No messy declarations of love. No interference from my family or the press.
Well, minimal interference, at least.
But I’m not so naive to think we can keep the status quo going forever. And I’m not sure I’m smart enough to figure out an alternative.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
ELLA
In the middle of the night, I sneak down to the kitchen for a glass of water. My bare feet make no sound as I round the corner into the kitchen. But I slow, seeing a little glow of light.
Keir is in front of the fridge, pouring himself a glass of water from the refrigerator door. He senses my presence and turns around, his mouth lifting at the corner.
“What are you doing out of bed?” he asks, his voice a sultry whisper. “And wearing so little, I might add.”
I look down at what I’m wearing; his t-shirt with no panties or bra is the sum total of my garments. I flush, biting my lip.
“I was thirsty,” I rasp.
“Oh yeah?” Keir gives me a devilish smirk, raising the glass of water in his hand. “For water? Or are you thirsty for something else?”
My cheeks glow red. I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear.
“I came for the water, but… now I’m curious as to what the something else might be.”
Keir puts the glass down and prowls around the kitchen counter. He stops me at the kitchen island, turns me around, and lifts me onto the smooth marble counter. Bending his head just a little, he kisses me hard, then leaves a stinging bite on my throat.
I suck in an audible breath. “Oh…”
“I need you, sweetheart. And I want to be as rough as I feel like.” He pauses to look at me, his eyes scanning my face to gauge my reaction. “I want you to tell me you want it.”
“Rough?” A shiver runs down my spine. “We’ve never really done that before. What if I don’t like it?”
Keir drops a burning kiss to my lips. “Do you trust me, Ella?”
When I nod, he slides his hand through my hair and grips it hard, pulling my head back a fraction of an inch. My breath leaves me in a sudden exhalation.
He whispers against my lips. “You have only to say stop, sweetheart.”
I feel like struggling against his big, strong hands. So I do, making eye contact with him, pushing at his chest.
Keir groans a little, pulling at my t-shirt. “We need to go somewhere with a bed so I can fuck you in it. I need you, sweetheart. I need all of you, right fucking now. All your moans and groans, all your little noises, all your fucking screaming my name as you come…”
My face heats. “Keir…”