“The consolation prize?” I wince as I look up at him. “I’m almost scared to ask.”
He gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze as he continues. “Nah, the joke was on them. They gave me control of NewsCorp and I never looked back. It was the first time I’ve ever felt like I was actually good at something.”
I’m not sure whether that makes me feel better for him or if it makes my heart ache more for all those years he spent floundering without his parents’ approval.
“You do seem like you enjoy your job most days,” I offer, which is maybe a bit of a stretch considering how unhappy he’s been the past few weeks. “You definitely seem to be in control there. I think your employees look up to you.”
“The job used to feel easier than it feels now. But yeah, I do still think I’m good at it.” A wry smile plays across his lips. “Not sure if I’m respected as much as I’m feared, but I’ll take what I can get.”
“You took what could have been a bad situation and turned it into something good, something rewarding.” I raise a brow. “Do you think James can say the same about his career path? Is he ready to be the next Prime Minister?”
Keir bursts out laughing, then catches himself with a cautious glance in Isla’s direction. “Fuck no,” he answers, bringing his voice down until it’s just above a whisper. “He’s absolutely not ready, and they all know it. That’s why they’re coming here tomorrow and threatening me with everything they can find to make sure I’ll come out and publicly support him, not just with money and appearances, but with airtime at NewsCorp.”
Wow.
I probably wouldn’t have believed his entire family—aside from Saffron, of course—was really that cold and calculating if I hadn’t witnessed some of it myself. But I have seen them in action and I know how ruthless they can be.
“I’m sorry they keep treating you like that,” I say, meaning it. “You shouldn’t have to be treated like a business associate by your own family. That really sucks.”
“Not even an important business associate, either,” he smirks. “Until the moment they need something from me. Then I’m still the asshole, but I’m the asshole they can’t ignore anymore.”
God, is it any wonder he’s scared of being in a relationship when everyone around him is so toxic? Almost all the people he’s supposed to be able to count on in life have screwed him over, and keep screwing him over. How can I be shocked that he doesn’t trust me with his heart?
“Coming from that kind of family background,” I shake my head. “It’s honestly surprising to me that you’re so good with Isla. You’re an amazing dad, Keir, and I’m not just saying that. I get to see you interact with her every day, and I know how much you do for her behind the scenes.”
“Thank you.” I can hear the emotion in his voice as it drops even lower than normal. “She’s the only reason I’m still here. She keeps me sane. She keeps me grounded in the midst of all this crazy shit. I would lay down my life for her in an instant, and I hope like hell that she never has to doubt how much I love her.”
“I don’t think she’ll ever doubt that for a minute.” I reach over to run my fingertips along the chain around his neck. “Is that why you keep those two rings on this chain? For Isla’s sake?”
He reaches for the rings, holding them in his hand for a moment before shaking his head. “No, not for Isla. These are for me. They’re the wedding bands Kinsley and I wore for the first part of our marriage when we were still pretending it wasn’t all a huge mistake.”
I wince. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring the conversation back to her.”
“No need to apologize.” He lets go of the rings and slips the chain back under his shirt collar. “I want to be reminded. That’s why I wear them. It’s my way of telling myself not to let anyone in, not to get too close. But here I am, spilling my guts to you anyway. I guess some lessons have to be learned the hard way.”
There’s so much I want to say. I want to tell him he doesn’t have to be so guarded with me, that I’m nothing like Kinsley and I won’t ever try to hurt him like that. I want to tell him it’s okay to let people in, that the only way we get to experience the good feelings is by opening ourselves up to the bad ones as well.
I don’t say any of those things, though. Instead, I tip my head back as he leans in. His lips brush against mine and I close my eyes, melting against him. I’m finally starting to understand that it doesn’t matter how many times I try to tell him I’m not like all those other girls he’s known.
He won’t believe me until I show him, until I back up my words with actions. That’s what I hope I’m doing now—showing him that being close to someone doesn’t always have to end badly.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
KEIRAN
I wake up feeling hungover and disoriented, like I’ve just been out all night drinking. Unfortunately, the truth isn’t nearly as exciting.
I haven’t been drinking at all, but I have just spent the entire night slumped over on the sofa with Ella nestled against me. Definitely not complaining about that part, but I’m way past the age when spending the night on a couch could be considered comfortable and refreshing.
Looking down at the floor, I can see that Isla is still sound asleep in her makeshift pillow fort, so I still have some time to untangle my arms and legs from Ella’s and make my way to the bedroom where I can at least change clothes and take a quick shower before I have to get the day started.
Still trying not to wake Ella, I reach for my phone and squint to read the news alert that’s flashing across my screen.
Lord Grayrose in bed with the nanny? Scandalous sex tape leak!
Fuck.
Fuck.
My chest tightens as I re-read it just to be sure.
No. This can’t be happening. Not to me. Not today. Not with my daughter still sleeping five feet away.
So much for letting Ella sleep in. “Ella,” I nudge her gently but urgently. “Ella, you need to wake up. We have a problem.”
“What?” She stretches and rubs her eyes as she looks around the room. She’s probably just as disoriented as I was a few moments ago, but there’s no time to let her adjust. “What’s going on?”
I wish there was an easy way to break this to her, but there isn’t. “The sex tape has leaked. It’s out there in the public now.”
Her breath catches in her throat as she bolts upright on the couch next to me. “What? Shit!”
I press a finger to my lips and nod in Isla’s direction. “I’m going to pick her up and tuck her into her own bed. Turn on the TV and see what they’re saying on the news stations.”
She nods and jumps into action while I scoop up Isla from the floor and carry her to her bedroom, thanking my lucky stars the entire time that she’s such a heavy sleeper.
Two minutes later, I’m back in the living room with Ella. “It’s all over the news,” she says, pointing to the TV in front of her without looking up from her phone. “And I’m already getting messages from… everyone. Everywhere.”