This was all true.
“Now what?” Grandma asked.
“I’m going to the office to see how Lula is managing.”
* * *
Lula was at Connie’s desk when Grandma and I walked in.
“It took me a couple hours to figure it out, but this is where I belong,” Lula said. “There’s almost nothing to do. All I have to do is sit here and look important. And I got a lot of authority now that I’m behind Connie’s computer. I already ordered some new magazine subscriptions. And I’m thinking about getting a new couch.”
“Connie’s only been gone for a couple of hours,” I said. “It’s not as if she’s not coming back.”
“Sure, I know that,” Lula said, “but I figure I should put myself to good use while I’m here. I’m a born organizer. I’m one of those take-charge people. And I look excellent behind a desk.”
“You do look pretty good,” Grandma said. “And the yellow braids brighten up the room and give a good contrast to your skin.”
“It’s like I’m an M&M,” Lula said. “Chocolate on the inside and a splash of color on the outside.”
“Have you heard from Connie or Vinnie?” I asked Lula.
“Nothing,” Lula said. “I’ve been listening to the police calls, but no one’s mentioned Connie, and I don’t want to hear from Vinnie. I don’t see where we even need him. I got everything under control here. I’m so organized I’ve got my lunch ordered already. And it’s getting delivered so I don’t have to leave my desk. Turns out this desk comes with petty cash.”
“We’re doing good, too,” Grandma said. “We already made a recovery. Carpenter Beedle.”
“How’s his foot?” Lula asked.
“It’s okay,” Grandma said. “He has it in one of those orthopedic-sandal things.”
“Pull up Connie’s calendar on her computer,” I said to Lula. “See if she has anything on there for today.”
“I already did that,” Lula said. “There’s nothing for today, but she has a dentist appointment tomorrow at four o’clock.”
“Maybe it got switched to this morning at the last minute,” Grandma said. “Maybe she’s at the dentist.”
“I guess that could be it,” Lula said.
I nodded.
No one said anything. Grandma fidgeted with her purse and Lula stared blank-faced at the computer screen. No one believed Connie was at the dentist. Connie would have told us that she wouldn’t be in until later.
“Bummer,” Grandma finally said.
I nodded again.
My mother called me. “Where are you?” she asked. “Is your grandmother still with you? Are you coming home for lunch?”
“I’m at the office,” I said. “Grandma’s with me, and we’ll be home for lunch.”
I hung up and Grandma started for the door. “Let’s not waste a lot of time on lunch. We still got two more felons to catch.”
“There’s no rush,” I said. “I’m not going to go after Bella until I talk to Morelli.”
“Well, I want to be there when you do the takedown. That woman’s been a thorn in my side for as long as I can remember. And she thinks she owns the funeral home. She scuttles around, threatening to give everybody the eye if they get in her way. People are afraid to take a cookie when she comes over to the refreshment table.”
“How about you?” Lula asked. “Are you afraid to take a cookie?”
“Heck no,” Grandma said. “I know the cookies she likes. She goes after the pignoli. So, if I see her at a viewing, I shove all the pignoli into my purse before she can get to them.”
CHAPTER THREE
My mom was setting the kitchen table when we walked in. “I made minestrone soup this morning and we have bread from Italian Peoples,” she said.
Butter and the bread slices were already on the table.
“It’s a good day for soup,” Grandma said. “There’s a chill in the air.”
“Did you get your shampoo?” my mom asked Grandma.
“They were all out,” Grandma said. “Stephanie’s going to take me to the mall after lunch.”
My mother looked at me. Slitty-eyed. “I’m holding you responsible,” she said. “Don’t let her shoot anybody and keep her out of the strip clubs.”
I nodded. “Understood.”
“I don’t hardly ever go to strip clubs,” Grandma said. “Although I do like to look at the men dancers. Some of them have real good moves.”
I saw my mother’s eyes cut to the over-the-counter cabinet alongside the sink where she keeps her whiskey stash. No doubt debating if it was too early to have a nip.
Grandma took a bowl of soup to the table and checked email on her smartphone while she ate.
“Look at this,” she said. “Len Leoni died. Margie Wisneski says they think he threw a clot. He’s having a viewing on Wednesday. That’s going to be a good one. He was a big deal in the Knights of Columbus.” Grandma took a piece of bread and dunked it into her soup. “Crazy Bella will be there. The Morellis and the Leonis are neighbors. And one of the Leoni girls married into the Morelli family. A second cousin, I think. You should go to the viewing with me, and we’ll take Bella down at the cookie table.”
My mother sucked in some air. “You wouldn’t!”
“Of course not,” I said.
“I’d do it in a heartbeat,” Grandma said.
“You have no authority,” my mother said to Grandma. “You don’t work for Vinnie. And even if you did work for Vinnie, it would be a horrible thing to do. It would be disrespectful to the deceased.”
“Okay,” Grandma said. “How about if we get Bella in the parking lot before or after?”
“There will be no getting Bella,” my mother said to me. “For goodness’ sake, get someone else. Someone we don’t know. I’m sure you have a whole laundry list of people to get.”
“Not so many,” I said. “They skip town. They die. They get picked up by other bounty hunters. And a surprising number of the accused actually show up for court.”
Grandma finished her soup and brought the cookie jar to the table. “I always like to have a sweet after a meal,” she said. “We didn’t do cookie baking this weekend, but we’ve got Oreos.”
Twenty minutes later, I was back in my Honda CR-V with Grandma.
“I don’t suppose I could talk you into tracking down Bella?” she said.
“Not today.”
I wound my way out of the Burg to State Street, took State for two blocks, and turned onto Connie’s street. I drove to her house and idled at the curb. Her car wasn’t in the driveway. I called Lula and asked if she’d heard from Connie.
“No,” Lula said. “Nothing from Connie. Only person called was some loser who wanted Vinnie. Said he had to talk to him. So, I told him I was the only one here, and he could talk to me or no one. So, he hangs up and then ten minutes later he calls back. He tells me that Vinnie is gonna want to talk to him on account of he has something that belongs to Vinnie. So, I ask him what it is, and he says it’s none of my business and that it’s between him and Vinnie. He said Vinnie has something of his, and he’s gonna keep this thing of Vinnie’s until he gets his own thing back. So, I tell him I don’t give a rat’s ass about any of this. Honest to goodness, as if I haven’t got anything better to do than to waste my time on someone who doesn’t listen to what I’m saying. Vinnie isn’t here to talk to you. How hard is that to understand?”