An alarm went off in my brain. What if the something this person has is Connie?
“Did you get a phone number?” I asked Lula.
“Hell no. It was probably one of those scam calls that turns out to be for phony car insurance.”
The thought stuck with me. The storeroom looked like it had been searched. And Connie was missing. Vinnie has something that’s mine and now I have something that belongs to him, the caller had said. Yes, but something is different from someone, I told myself. Too early to panic. And even if Connie had been snatched, it wasn’t death and destruction. Vinnie would simply have to return whatever it was that the man wanted. Most likely something that had been posted for bail.
“If he calls again hand him over to me,” I said to Lula.
“Whatever,” Lula said. “Lord knows I got more important things to do. I gotta pick out fabric for the new couch. And I need a new desk chair. This chair I’m in has no personality, you see what I’m saying?”
“You should run all this by Vinnie before you order,” I said to Lula.
“Like heck,” Lula said. “He’ll say no. He’s a big cheapskate and he has no taste.”
This is true. He’s also a sexual deviant who cheats on his wife, cheats at cards, and is a compulsive gambler, and his pants are too tight. As Grandma puts it, he’s a festering pimple on our family’s behind. Setting all this aside, he’s a good bail bondsman. And our boss.
“What was that phone call all about with Lula?” Grandma asked.
“She hasn’t heard from Connie and she’s busy redecorating the office. She also had a phone call from someone who said Vinnie has something that belongs to him, and now he has something that belongs to Vinnie.”
“Probably one of those scam calls about phony car insurance,” Grandma said. “They’ve got all kinds of gimmicks to suck you into signing up.”
“I thought it might have been about Connie.”
“That would have been my second guess,” Grandma said. “Now what?”
“We wait for him to call back.”
“That’s uncomfortable. Don’t you think we should go proactive?”
“I have no starting point. I ran down the few leads I had. And I have no real proof that Connie is in trouble.”
I dialed Vinnie.
“Now what?” Vinnie said.
“Connie is still missing.”
“Maybe she’s having a hot flash somewhere.”
“Lula is taking her place in the office and—”
“Hold on. Are you shitting me?”
“Someone has to take phone calls, so Lula is in the office.”
“Okay, now you have my attention. Get her out of the office and lock the door so she can’t get back in.”
“I can’t do that. It’s important that someone answers the phone. A man called in asking to talk to you. He said you have something that belongs to him and now he has something that belongs to you. Lula told him you weren’t there and to call back.”
“And?”
“And it’s possible that he has Connie.”
“And you’ve figured this out, how?”
“When we let ourselves in through the back door, I noticed that the storeroom looked messy. Like someone had been looking for something. And then Connie never showed up for work. She stopped at the bakery and got the usual box of doughnuts, but she hasn’t been at her desk.”
“No doughnuts left on the desk?” Vinnie asked.
“No doughnuts left on the desk,” I said.
“Maybe it’s that time of the month, she ate all the doughnuts before she got to the office, and she’s sleeping it off in some parking lot.”
“When are you getting back?”
“Tonight. Late tonight.”
“And you’ll be in the office in the morning?”
“Yeah. What are you, my wife?”
“I’m not even happy that I’m your cousin.”
Grandma looked at me when I hung up. “How’d that go?”
“As expected,” I said.
“Are we going after another FTA slimeball?”
“Yup. Brad Winter. Wanted for blackmail.”
“Classy.”
“Afraid not. He slept with a bunch of married women, videoed their encounters with a hidden camera, and blackmailed them.”
“That’s a real clever crime,” Grandma said. “If you press charges against him, you know people are going to be looking at the videos. And your husband isn’t going to be happy.”
I thumbed through Winter’s file. “He lives on Oak Street.”
“That’s a nice part of town,” Grandma said. “Mostly new townhouses from where they tore down the toilet factory. It was called the porcelain factory, but everyone knew they made toilets. Not that there’s any shame in making toilets.”
I plugged the address into my GPS system and ten minutes later we were parked across the street from Winter’s red brick and white vinyl clapboard townhouse. Postage-stamp front yard that was neat grass with a perfectly shaped row of small shrubs bordering the house. Two steps led to a large stoop and mahogany-colored front door.
“This is real classy,” Grandma said. “You could tell he’s got money. I bet his bushes were shaped by a gardener. What’s he look like?”
“Forty-two years old. Five foot ten. Brown eyes. Brown hair cut short. Average build. Nice looking.”
I rang the bell and Winter answered. Naked.
“Here’s something I don’t get to see every day,” Grandma said, staring at his privates.
“Catch you at a bad time?” I asked.
“Nope. I was just hanging out,” he said. “What can I do you for?”
I introduced myself, showed him the badge I got on Amazon, and explained that he’d missed his court date and needed to reschedule.
He looked surprised. “Really? I didn’t know I had a court date. No one told me.”
“It’s not a problem,” I said. “Happens all the time. Get dressed and I’ll drive you downtown to get a new date.”
“Thanks, but that’s not necessary. I can drive myself. Thanks for stopping by to tell me.”
“Unfortunately, you’re officially a felon now and I need to accompany you to the courthouse. Get dressed.”
“A felon? Whoa, where’d that come from?”
“Not my idea,” I said. “It’s the law. You failed to appear for a court date and that makes you a felon.”
“That’s harsh.”
“Are you going to get dressed or are we taking you downtown naked?”
He smiled wide, showing perfect white teeth and dimples. “Really? Would you really take me in naked?”
“Yes,” I said. “I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again.”
“I have a better idea,” he said. “Why don’t you and your sister come in and we’ll socialize a little. Have a glass of wine. Get to know each other. Then I’ll get dressed and we can all go wherever you want.”
“I’m not actually her sister,” Grandma said, all smiles.
He winked at Grandma, and I clapped a cuff on his right wrist.