“Whoa, there, girls. Max invited me.”
We both turn to Max. “He fired you. Why’d you invite him to the party?” Ginny demands.
Max shrugs. He’s shockingly Zen tonight, for someone who was so despondent 24 hours ago. “He’s still a cool dude,” says Max, punching Rob in the shoulder.
I return to my perch, shaking my head.
“He’s totally losing it,” I whisper.
“Do you think he’s doing drugs?” she asks.
“Did you ever think he wasn’t?” I snort.
Nick’s saying something to me. Something I miss entirely because I am staring at James, and he is staring at me, with an unhappiness in his eyes that I would give anything to remove. And then suddenly Nick’s hands are on my face and he’s turning me toward him. I have no idea what he was saying previous to this moment. I only hear the words “then he won’t mind if I do this”, and he kisses me. It’s so wholly unexpected that for a moment I simply don’t understand what the hell is happening. I try to pull away, but there’s suddenly nothing to pull away from.
He’s on the ground, with James punching him repeatedly in the face.
Max dives on him, grabbing his arms, and Dan is quick to follow. “Dude!” Max shouts. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“I’m getting that asshole off my girlfriend,” James replies. “That’s what I’m doing.”
Everyone on the deck goes completely silent. Shockingly silent, as if someone hit a mute button on the entire city. And then Max’s triumphant laughter rings out.
“What the hell?!” Nick shouts at Max. “You didn’t say he was gonna hit me!”
James and I look at each other, and slowly turn toward Max.
“Did you orchestrate this, Max?” James asks.
Max is doubled over. “Hell, yeah. I orchestrated the whole thing! I was sick of the two of you sneaking around. Figured it was time to blow you out of your hole.”
“She’s your girlfriend?” hisses Ginny. She turns to me in astonishment. “Are you saying that Elle is your girlfriend?”
“Yes,” says James. He looks at Max and Dan. “And I’m sorry. I know I told you to leave her alone and I know it makes me a hypocrite. I just … ”
“You just what?” snaps Ginny. “Because I can’t believe I’m hearing this shit. After the way you threatened everyone away from us both, you were with her all along?”
“I love her,” he says, and my head snaps up. His eyes wait for mine, bleak and anxious. He loves me. He just told everyone on this deck that he loves me. In spite of how awful and embarrassing the whole thing is, I smile back at him with my heart in my eyes, and his face loses the haunted look it had. “And no, we weren’t together all along. But we are now.”
Ginny turns to Max, coolly. “And you’re okay with this?” she asks.
His brows come together. “Why wouldn’t I be okay with it? They’re perfect together.”
“Because he’s your best friend?” she suggests with such venom that for once even he seems speechless. She turns back to me. “And you – Allison warned me about you. About all of this. And she was right. So how many boyfriends, exactly, do you have? And how many have you stolen from someone else?”
“Ginny, stop,” says James. He pulls me to my feet and wraps an arm around my waist. “I broke up with Allison before Elle and I ever got together.”
But Ginny isn’t listening. “But it was Elle who convinced you to do it. Because that’s how she is. This is exactly what happened with Timmy Phillips!”
It’s such a bizarre segue that I’m momentarily dumbfounded. “Who the hell is Timmy Phillips?”
“I liked him all through 7th grade and then he asked you to go out with him instead of me!”
I have some very vague memory of this. “Did I agree?”
“No!” she cries. “But I was the one who liked him! And now you’ve done the same thing to Allison!”
James’s brow raises, and I can tell he’s torn between astonishment and laughter. “Are you seriously still upset because a boy you liked six years ago liked her instead? A boy she didn’t even go out with?”
“No,” she argues. “I’m just making a case. That Elle enjoys taking what belongs to someone else.”
“You know I’m not like that,” I say, aghast. “And you know I’ve had a crush on your brother since we were little. Do you really think he’d have avoided Allison all summer if that was something he wanted?”
“He was confused! And then you had to sweep in with your tits and your legs and your hair before he had a chance to think!” she cries.
“Ginny,” he sighs. “I’m only going to say this once: I didn’t want to be with Allison. I don’t think I ever wanted to be with her, and I sure as shit didn’t want to marry her or whatever you cooked up in your head.”
“Is there any part of your life you’re not going to destroy this summer, James?” she asks.
He grabs my hand. “You need to watch what you say to me. And you need to watch what you say to Elle, because if I get my way she’s going to be a part of our family one day, and every ridiculous word out of your mouth is one she and I will both remember. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to be alone with my girlfriend for the first time in four fucking days.”
He tugs at my hand and I follow him willingly. Did he really just imply what I think he implied? I’m 19 and that future is far away, but every bone in my body hums “yes”. Yes, this is what I want and what I’ve always wanted and of all the things I’ve ever done or had it’s the first that feels absolutely, 100% right.
Chapter 46
We go to his room, the door shut and locked behind me the second I’m inside.
“I’m sorry,” he says, pulling me to him, resting his forehead against mine.
“For what?”
“For all of that,” he says. “For punching that guy and saying things in public that I should have said to you in private first. But I kind of didn’t even know they were true until they were coming out of my mouth.”
“So were they true?” I ask quietly. “Or was it just something that popped out?”
“Every word I said was true,” he whispers.
“Then say it again,” I ask.
“I love you, Elle,” he says. “I love you and I know it’s way too early for this, but when I’m with you it feels like I’ve finally come home. And I can’t imagine ever giving that up.”
“I love you too,” I say. The sliver of moonlight coming through the window illuminates his face, just enough to see the corners of his mouth turn up, to see a new kind of happiness settle over him.
“The next year is going to be rough,” he warns. “Actually the next three. But I want this. I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything. And I’ll do whatever I have to in order to make it happen.”
“You just have to wait for me,” I tell him.
He is the reason, I realize, that the implosion of my family never cut quite as hard as it should. Because a part of me already felt that my family resided elsewhere. Here, with him, even when he was insisting he didn’t want me.