He stared into my soul, and it was painful sitting there being dissected by a man who used to be a boy I loved. He never said another word, and I was about to shove against him, when he let loose a string of curses, pushed off from the chair, and stalked from the trailer.
The storm had passed by quickly before, so he’d be safe out there. But would out there be safe from him?
Rhett chuckled lightly, and for the love of rock stars everywhere, I’d actually forgotten he was in the room. And considering how much of my attention Rhett often had, that said everything about how fucking all-encompassing Jace could be at times. “Poor little guy,” Rhett said with another laugh when we heard a crash. “His big-boy emotions are too much for him.”
Swallowing hard against my dry throat, I shook my head, confusion pulsing within me. “I don’t really understand what his issue is… It’s been a long time since we were in each other’s lives, and he’s never once sought me out. Never once checked to see if I was even alive.”
Rhett’s amusement dried up then. “Don’t kid yourself, Billie. Jace might not have been in your day-to-day, but I know for fucking sure that you were on his mind more than he’d ever admit. I’m pretty sure he always intended to track you down one day and likely would have bulldozed through whatever life you’d built when that happened.”
Toxic motherfucker that Jace was, that didn’t surprise me in the least.
“I’ve been near homeless and starving many times in my life. Are you saying that Jace was aware of that and never tried to help me?” I mean, if that was the truth, then he was the worst kind of human. I’d never have done that to him if I’d been in the same position.
“No, god no,” Rhett assured me. “He’s not that much of an asshole. He just never truly got over you. I think a part of him was waiting for you to run back to him for help. His ego couldn’t handle you dumping him and then him chasing you. It’s all fucked up, but the truth of it is, you are his muse and destruction, and that will never change. Jace couldn’t truly let you go, even if it cost him his life.”
Being someone’s destruction sounded terrible, and yet I couldn’t argue. “I don’t want his life,” I whispered, my pain too great to put into words. “It would just be nice not to have his hate. Fighting with Jace is exhausting.”
Rhett leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me. “Peace might not be in the cards for us, but you can be assured, Billie Bellerose, you’ll never face your trauma alone. Not while I’m here.”
And that made all the fucking difference. Some people weren’t built for a life of peace, and clearly, both me and the boys of Bellerose were in that category, but as long as we were together, we would be okay.
“Let’s go find Jace before he punches holes through multiple trees,” Rhett said against my neck, placing a gentle kiss there. I sighed at the sweet touch.
Rhett got to his feet first, pulling me up with him, and together we left the trailer. Outside there was no sign of the horses—huge shocker with the raging fit being thrown by Jace. Speaking of, Bellerose’s lead singer was also nowhere to be seen, but I could still hear him crashing around in the underbrush. If the police were anywhere close by, we’d just blown our hideout for sure.
“I’ll get him and be right back,” Rhett told me. “You return to the RV and keep the door closed.”
I wanted to protest, but I was just too damn tired. “Come right back,” I ordered.
Rhett grinned, the silver of his piercing twinkling in a ray of sun that managed to make it through the afternoon clouds. “There’s no getting rid of me now. I’m not Jace, and I don’t give a fuck if you dump me. I’m just going to follow your ass until you realize that you can’t live without me.”
I already realized it. Just like with Jace and Angelo, there was a part of me that belonged to Rhett now, and that would never change. Grayson too, if I was being completely honest, even if that big, scary bastard was a complete unknown.
“I’ll be waiting inside,” I told him before hurrying back into the Airstream and closing the door behind me. I hated to shut myself off from Rhett, but I also needed Jace back here before he brought the fucking police, army, and navy down on us with his impressive vocals.
No wonder he was a damn rock star; his lungs worked far beyond what was natural. Especially when he was pissed.
Part of me struggled to believe that this reaction was all thanks to him not knowing about my past and the years we were apart. Did it really bother him so much that I’d had a tough time of it while he was living it up as a famous millionaire? When, clearly, he’d been such a prideful prick that he was prepared to leave me in any variety of shitty situations until I was desperate enough to reach out to him. Until I crawled back on my knees.
I wasn’t sure what part bothered me the most… All of it, really. Typical when it came to dealing with Jace Adams.
There wasn’t much to do in the trailer outside of moving bags of chips and food around and opening a few random cabinets in the hope of finding something cool. I was surprised when I explored a tall, thin cabinet tucked in beside the bed and found a guitar. It was an old acoustic with steel strings, and when I pulled it free, a large cloud of dust followed. I’d guess that someone had shoved it in there long ago and forgotten all about it.
I sat on the bed and rested it on my lap, memories filling me of sitting with a guitar just like this when I was ten, Jace beside me, holding my fingers in place as he taught me basic chords. He’d continued to give me lessons for years, and I’d forever associate the weight and sound of music with him.
I hadn’t touched a single instrument since the day he walked out of my life.
Knowing this was a bad idea, I still strummed a few chords, my fingers falling back into position like I’d never stopped. I mean, sure, I was super rusty and slow in transitions, but it didn’t take me long to get the feel for it.
This particular acoustic was older and probably needed a decent setup, but it still made beautiful music, especially when I adjusted it slightly. Jace always did say my superpower was in my ear, as I’d fine-tuned his instruments growing up. It was just a running joke that I couldn’t sing for shit. Angry cats sounded better than me.
Letting myself lose my love for music had been almost as heartbreaking as allowing myself to disappear into a shitty existence without ever attempting to change my own fate. While Jace might have been waiting for me to run back to him, I’d had enough of my own pride that I’d never do that, but in the end I hadn’t really fared any better on my own.
I’d failed. In all fucking ways I’d failed.
Dropping the instrument on the bed, I had to breathe through tears because there was no way I was going to fall apart again. Nope. Not a chance. It might be volatile up in here with this forced proximity, but I had to keep it together. Just for a few more days.
Rhett and Jace weren’t back yet, so leaving the guitar on the bed, I continued my search through the cabinets. In a small set on the floor, I hit the jackpot, finding three heavy, cast iron cooking pots, along with some matches and fire starters. Amazing. We weren’t having cold beans from the can tonight.
We were having hot beans from a pot, and we’d think it was a fucking five-star meal.