“I had no idea.”
“Don’t do this for anyone but yourself. Your family loves you. We all do. We’re here to support you, but you’re the one who has to do the hard work.”
Am I ready to do it?
Chapter Eight
Teddy
My visit with Thea Decker wasn’t what I expected.
When I told her about Piper being safe, she said she knew. I had so much on my mind that I didn’t ask how she learned about it before I told her. When I arrive at the penthouse, it’s empty. All the pamphlets Lang brought are on the coffee table staring at me—waiting for my decision.
I should burn them.
But what if not getting help hurts me more in the long run? I just don’t want to talk about what happened to me. No one knows any of it, and I want it to stay that way.
Instead of looking at the brochures, I pull out my tablet and download Thea Decker’s autobiography. I never thought about reading it before, but after today I want to learn about her life. Maybe there’s more wisdom than in the two-hour talk we shared earlier.
Can she really say she went through a similar trauma?
As I’m about to read chapter three, my phone chimes. I look at the screen and automatically sigh with relief. It’s Seth.
Seth: Should I start this message with hello, or I miss you?
Teddy: I wonder why you miss me when we don’t see each other often.
Seth: We’ve barely left each other’s sides after the paparazzi got ahold of you.
Teddy: It’s not enough time to miss me.
Seth: Ready for a confession?
Teddy: I don’t know.
Teddy: Probably. It’ll keep me distracted from my current life.
Seth: Ever since Vegas, I’ve always missed you.
Teddy: It’s sad that you’re not with me.
Seth: Because you’ll kiss me?
I don’t know why his answer makes me smile. Would I kiss him if he had told me that in person? Probably not. I’m… I don’t know what to think about those days. It seems like a lifetime ago. Right at this moment, I don’t want words. I want to be wrapped in his arms.
But the reality is he’s not here. I’m fractured beyond repair and lonely. Still, I want to keep him on the phone, reading his words and imagining his voice as I read them. I’m not surprised. Seth Bradley is like a drug. I’m addicted to his words, kisses, and body. Having him was toxic, but not having him was never an option.
I’ll take anything he can give me, even just texts. I try to play along, bringing the old Teddy back and hoping she stays long enough to capture his attention.
Teddy: No, you would have heard me laugh uncontrollably.
Teddy: I should thank you. It’s the first time I heard something funny, and I actually laughed.
Seth: It wasn’t intended as a joke. I truly, madly, deeply love you.
“No, you don’t. You pity me because you saw me at my worst.” My voice is so brassy, I jolt. I’m glad my brothers aren’t home. They’ll have me committed or… why do they want me to leave? I hate them. I hate everyone who expects Teddy to be back to her normal self.
“She’s gone. Those men killed her.”
I hesitate texting Seth those exact words. They’re too raw and might lead to a conversation I don’t want to have with him. We’ll always disagree about his feelings toward me, though. I have no problem responding to that.
Teddy: Excuse me if I don’t believe you. You rejected me.
Seth: You were too young.
Teddy: Yes, I know the entire speech by heart. Too young, dead brother, guilty… blah, blah, blah.
I stare at the phone, wondering if I should tell him to forget about me. The excuses he used before will fade when he sees me. I’m not the Teddy he claims to love. I don’t even have the energy to tell him that—nor do I want to stop these conversations.
Seth: Did you talk to Aunt Thea?
Teddy: We’re switching the subject?
Seth: It’s safer, don’t you think?
Teddy: I like safe.
Seth: So, Aunt Thea?
Teddy: She knew Piper was fine. We also talked about me… what happened to me.
Seth: What about you?
Teddy: I’d rather not discuss it with you.
Seth: It’s okay. I understand.
Teddy: No, I doubt you or anyone does. Well, no, your aunt and my mom seem to understand me.
I stare at the phone, waiting for him to respond. But what is there to say? Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned Mom.
Seth: How can I help you?
Teddy: I’m totally fine. As long as I stay here.
Seth: Where is here?
Teddy: My brother’s couch. Have I told you how harmless and comfortable it is? It’s also big. I don’t see the point of leaving it.
Teddy: I sound stupid, don’t I?
Seth: No. If anything, you’re telling me that of all the places in the world, your brother’s couch is the only acceptable one.
Teddy: Exactly. I don’t want to speak to a therapist or a bunch of people about what happened.
Seth: But then, how do you live with the nightmares?
Teddy: How do you know? Did my brothers tell you about them?
Seth: No. I have PTSD.
Teddy: I don’t recall you waking up thrashing and screaming in the middle of the night.
Seth: It doesn’t happen that often, but when we were together, I didn’t sleep.
Teddy: That doesn’t make sense.
Seth: I didn’t have time to go to a therapist to tell them the nightmares were back. We were running away, remember?
Teddy: So you usually get help?
Seth: I have to, or I would never be allowed to go back in the field.
Teddy: I’d be okay staying on the couch forever.
Seth: Then stay. It’ll be awkward to live with Myles and King, but they can’t be worse than Burke and Zach.
Teddy: You’re not moving in with us. Plus, they’re kicking me out of the penthouse.
Seth: What the fuck?
Teddy: Exactly what I said. They gave me an ultimatum. Either I go back to work and start therapy or else.
Seth: I take it they’re worried and reacted the only way they know.
Teddy: Are you taking their side?
Seth: I would never dare to agree with them.
Teddy: Like I believe you. Burke and you are best friends.
Seth: We always compromise, never agree.
Teddy: Even Myles was on their side.
Seth: So they want you to go to a therapist.
Teddy: Actually they suggested a treatment center. Lang brought me brochures.
Seth: There’s one in Oregon. Aunt Luna runs it.
Teddy: I don’t need suggestions.
Seth: Sorry, I thought you wanted my help to decide which one was the best.
Teddy: You’re not here.
Seth: But I know most of those places.
Teddy: How?
Seth: I fly people in and out of the centers.
Teddy: Would you take me?
Seth: If I could, I would.
Teddy: Why can’t you come back?
Seth: I made a deal. We rescued you in exchange for helping them end the Z’s.
Teddy: Was it worth it? You lost part of your freedom.
Seth: I would’ve given my life for you.
Teddy: Tahoe, Oregon, or Colorado?
Seth: Are we changing the subject?
Teddy: That’s not the right answer.
Seth: Tahoe has water sports included.