“Oh, my baby.” My mom pulls me into a hug and swipes away the tears now rolling down my cheek. “Well, that was the other reason I came up here. There was a ‘supermodel handsome’”—she rocks her hands back and forth—“quirky young man downstairs asking for you.”
“Was? Cal was here?”
She smiles for real. “Well, he said he’d be down the beach waiting for you. I told him he’d be welcome here in the house, but he said no.” She gets up and brushes nonexistent lint off her perfectly pleated pants…and then she takes my face firmly in her hands. “Billie Seraphina Hirsch, no matter the mistakes I’ve made as a parent, as you’ll find when you make plenty of them with your own children someday, nothing changes how much we love you and how much we want for you to be happy. Now dry your beautiful face and go to him.”
She kisses me on the forehead before stepping out of my room, shutting the door with a soft click behind her. I stare at the closed door for a beat, indulging in one short moment of pure relief before bursting into action.
My emotions are all over the place as I race around the room, changing out of my jeans and T-shirt into a simple black dress and some silver sandals. I brush my teeth, throw on some minimal makeup, and pull my hair into a side braid.
Not wanting to wait another second, I run down the stairs and out the back door. Down the pier to another set of stairs. Once I hit the sand, my eyes search frantically. I’m looking, looking…for the shape of his body. The shape of Calum.
Finally, when my heart is about to burst right out of my chest to flop around on the sand, I see him.
Down the beach.
Sitting on a large piece of driftwood, elbows on his knees, chin resting on praying hands. Waiting for me just like my mom said he would be.
Waiting for me…
It takes every bit of control I have not to run. Still, my pace is quick as I make my way toward him, nearly ready to cry again, taking in his sun-kissed hair and handsome face after too many aching weeks apart. I know when he spots me because I can feel his deep blue eyes on me. I can feel my Calum’s eyes.
Mine? Please let it be so.
Calum stands as I approach. In khakis and a crisp white button-down, he’s simply dressed, but dear God, so incredibly gorgeous. Even after all this drama between us, I still want him as much as ever. Our time apart hasn’t changed how I feel. I want to strip him of that crisp white shirt and touch his defined pecs and rippling abs. I want to kiss my way up that hard jawline of his. I want to feel his strong arms holding me up—
“Bil-lie.” A catch in his throat as he says my name is his only tell. Whatever this is, it’s big for him. He gestures to the driftwood for me to take a seat.
I sit and look up at him, folding my hands in my lap, determined to hear him out. But I can’t believe he’s here—that my eyes are really seeing him right now.
I can even smell him.
Here on the beach, in the open autumn air, I can smell the glorious scent of him.
In fact, all my senses are working on super maximum overload trying to absorb every detail possible after being starved for far too long.
Because my body remembers yours.
Even with my heart a hurting…
I should’ve told you you’re the one…
Spicy cologne intertwined with his natural scent creates an elixir that should be bottled and sold as something like…Man Beautiful…comes into my sphere when he reaches behind the driftwood to pull out an acoustic guitar.
It’s inevitable I’ll be ugly crying all over this stunning scene in the next few seconds, so I won’t even try to stop the tears.
I don’t want to stop them.
I need those tears to wash away these last painful weeks without him.
From the very first chord he plays, so many emotions, so many feelings, rush in—and the tears do come…right on cue.
33
ludwig thurman
Cal
From the first strum of the strings, Billie knows what I’m playing.
The song she wrote about me.
Tears well in her brown eyes and start rolling down her cheeks, but then a slow smile spreads across her beautiful face.
I start singing the words to her song and it’s truly awful. I have a terrible singing voice. So bad, in fact, that Billie starts to cry harder and maybe laughing at the same time…I think?
I start to laugh too, setting the guitar down and reaching out to offer my hand. She takes it, letting me pull her up and into a hug. I need to have my hands on her, or it feels like I might die. And I’m not even exaggerating a little bit. That’s exactly how it feels since I spotted her walking toward me on the beach. It took every ounce of self-control I have not to run up to her.
“I’m an idiot,” I rush to explain. “And I love you. I was so stupid. So wrong for pushing you away.”
“I’ve missed you,” she says, putting her hand up to the side of my face, caressing gently with her thumb. It’s the most wonderful feeling in the world to have her touch me again.
“God, so much,” I answer against her ear, feeling her shiver when my lips touch her skin. I hope that’s desire making her shiver because I have plans for later that will involve a helluva lot of naked shivering for the both of us. I can’t stop my fingers from playing with her braid. “I’ve missed this hair.” I press my lips against the curled purple ends of her braid. “These lips.” I take her mouth in a deep kiss that’s hot and wet and intense with every bit of passion I can put into it. We’ve never really had a problem connecting like this though. Chemistry’s always been there for us. I was captivated by Billie from the first moment I ever saw her playing those drums up on the stage. And she was the one to kiss me first.
I’m in a haze of feelings and emotions that are threatening to incinerate me on the spot. But as I kiss my girl, hold her body against mine, and take in the lovely scent of her shampoo, perfume or whatever it is she wears that intoxicates me, the haziness starts to clear. It all falls away like a dark curtain being pulled open. The late afternoon autumn sun warming the sand, the smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves…everything becomes sharply defined in contrast to the woman in my arms.
Billie is in my arms again, kissing me and loving me back.
My world and everything in it, rightly clicks back into place.
And then…peace.
Peace comes.
Billie
“You liked the song, Calum?” I ask once he allows us to come up for air.
“I loved it. And I hated it because it showed me how badly I’d hurt you.”
“Well…” I think that one word is enough to let him know just how much, because he looks sad for a moment as he brushes his thumb down the path of my tears, first one side and then the other. So gently and reverently, he wipes them away. He mouths, I’m so sorry and keeps brushing away my tears.
Nodding slowly, I let him know I accept his apology. There isn’t anything more to this. We were both truthful with each other at the time, and he honestly didn’t feel he could go forward with the relationship. I really hope that’s changed though.