His expression hardened. “I wouldn’t ask that of you, Alys.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Have you slept with other men’s wives?”
Swift flinched, and before he even spoke, she knew the answer. Eventually, he admitted, “I have.”
Her blood ran even colder. It was like ice water coursed through her veins. “You engaged in adultery?”
“No, Alys. It wasn’t like that. The couples invited me to join them. The man and the woman both wanted me in their bed or their scene.”
“Their scene?”
“It’s just a term to describe an arrangement in public or semi-public.”
“Other people watched you having sex with another man’s wife?” Alys hated how critical she sounded. From the stiff set of his shoulders, she knew she had upset him. “Swift, I’m sorry. I’m trying to understand. I really am. I just—it’s hard for me.”
“I know it is. Please, Alys, understand that all the things I did before you came into my life are things I did as a single man. I’m your mate now. I don’t need those experiences. I only want to do what makes you happy.”
“What about what makes you happy?” She had accepted and believed he found her beautiful and desirable, but what if he found her boring? What if he craved the wild sexual experiences he had enjoyed before her? “What if you need something I can’t give you?”
“Alys.” He gently placed his palm against her cheek and stroked her lower lip. “You’re what I want. You’re what I need.”
“But what if—?”
An insistent and sharp chime interrupted at the worst possible moment. They both made irritated sounds.
“I’m sorry.” Swift kissed her forehead. “I have to take that in my office.”
Alone in the playroom, she touched the swing and watched it sway for a few seconds. No longer in the mood for exploring her sexuality, she left the room, pausing to turn off the lights before she closed and locked the door. She made her way to the parlor and sat on the couch to wait for Swift. He wasn’t gone long, but when he emerged from his office, he wore a frustrated scowl. Worried, she stood up and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I have to go now.” He exhaled roughly. “I’m going to be gone for a few days. It won’t be a quick patrol shift.”
“Oh.” She could see how upset he was. “How can I help you? Do you need me to pack your things?”
“No, my jump bag is always ready to go.” He held out his hand. “Come here.”
She went without hesitation and allowed Swift to draw her into his comforting embrace. She closed her eyes for a moment and listened to the thud of his heartbeat. Indulging in a moment of weakness, she confessed, “I’m really going to miss you.”
“I’m really going to miss you.” He nuzzled her face. “I’m sorry I have to go before we could finish our talk.”
“Please don’t worry about that, Swift.” She leaned back to make sure she could meet his searching gaze. “We’ll figure it out when you get back.”
“What if we can’t?” He asked, suddenly vulnerable. “What if I’ve done something you can’t forgive?”
“I don’t believe that’s possible.” She wasn’t sure what he meant. Some kind of sexual activity? Some sort of violent act during war? Something else she couldn’t imagine? “We’ll work through it. Whatever it is,” she added, certain they could solve any problem together. “I’m not going to cut and run at the first sign of trouble.”
Swift cupped her face and ducked down to kiss her. It was a sensual, tender kiss that left her trembling. He stroked her cheek. “You’re incredible, Alys.”
He kissed her again, this time with more passion. She clutched at his arms, wishing they had more time before he had to leave. She craved his body heat against hers. She wanted to feel his hands on her naked body, to feel him inside her, to feel him shuddering in ecstasy against her.
But she would have to make do with memories.
She hovered nearby as he showered and changed into his uniform. As he pulled on his boots, he said, “I would prefer that you stay in our quarters until I’m back, but I don’t mind if you visit other mates in this section.”
“Hallie asked me to have lunch with her tomorrow,” she reminded him. “She offered to come down to escort me.”
“You’re safer with her than anyone else,” he said with a wry smile. “You have all of your contacts memorized?”
She nodded. “And I know how to call for help and how to request services or an escort.”
“If anyone bothers you while I’m gone—.”
“I know,” she assured him. “I have the panic button they handed out at our meeting. I know where it’s safe to go and where it’s not. I’ll be fine. Please don’t worry about me. Just focus on your mission.”
He seemed taken aback. “Are you worried about me?”
“Of course, I’m worried about you! Are you serious? You fly giant machines! You’re at war with the Splinters! Until you’re standing here in front of me again, I’m going to worry.”
“Alys.” He grasped her hand and drew her close. “I’ll be fine. I’ve been doing this for years.”
“Please be careful,” she pleaded. Unable to voice her deepest fears, she said, “Don’t do anything stupid or heroic.”
He laughed and brushed his fingers through the loose waves of her hair. “Yes, ma’am.”
She embraced him tightly, not wanting to let go. She had grown so dependent on him in such a short amount of time. She supposed it was probably healthy for them to have a few days of space, but she didn’t like it. “Will you be able to let me know when you’re coming back?”
“You’ll get a notification when my ship is scheduled to dock. I likely won’t be able to contact you directly. Operational security,” he said, and she understood. With a sigh, he squeezed her a little tighter. “I don’t want to go.”
“But you have to,” she said, leaning back for the kiss she knew was about to come. It was a lingering kiss, one that she could feel on her swollen lips after he was gone and she was standing alone in their quarters.
Uncertain what to do, she grabbed her tablet and curled up on the couch to read. The luxury of being in a quiet, comfortable place to read something interesting and new was one she hoped to never take for granted. Even so, after an hour of reading about the history of Swift’s people and their culture, she grew bored and craved activity. A lifetime of working from sunup to sundown had trained her to be constantly in motion. Idle hands and all that.
But there weren’t many chores to keep her busy. She cleaned their space from top to bottom and had a small lunch and still had so many hours to fill. She considered taking a nap, but that seemed like such a waste of an afternoon. She turned on the entertainment screen and navigated through the options in search of an education program. Watching the moving pictures still fascinated her.
Only a few minutes into a cooking program focused on the preserved food rations that she found more appalling than appetizing, she was startled by the door chime. She hadn’t been expecting anyone and glanced at the door with suspicion. She turned off the cooking abomination and crossed the room to the control screen. She tapped the blinking door square, and a live view of the hallway popped up.