She tuned back into the present. Theo was still talking.
“Low profiles are kind of overrated. You’re just letting someone else control the narrative.”
“What am I supposed to do? Take out a full-page ad telling everyone they’ve got it all wrong, and I really can’t be held responsible for my ex-fiancé’s deterioration in play? Or that what happened to Bast was a terrible accident for which I am incredibly sorry?”
Theo shrugged. “Maybe? Okay, not exactly that, but you might want to think about using social media to your advantage. You wouldn’t believe the number of sponsorships I’ve received because of my Insta thirst traps. Sure, I do less of that now because the trap worked …” He thumbed at Elle who was rolling her eyes affectionately. “But it’s paid for Hatch’s college, and I’ll have enough put away for the next of my spawn. Hoping for twins this time.”
“Uh, congratulations, you two! We’ve kind of gotten off the topic.” Pepper was only too glad to change the subject. “I’m so happy for you. Guess that groin injury didn’t cramp your style. The boys are flowing!”
Elle grinned. “Thanks. We’re thrilled, but it’s still hush hush for now.” Quick look at her husband, who grinned. “Now, about what I was going to ask you before Big Mouth here crashed the stage. Would you think about becoming a nanny full-time for us? Hatch adores you, and now that he’s walking and talking, he needs the kind of care that someone as qualified as you can give.”
She hated to disappoint them, but she needed to think about her future here. “I’m actually thinking of finishing my degree, maybe transferring my credits to DePaul or another Chicago area college.”
“Oh, that’s great!” Elle was sweet enough to not let her disappointment show. “But maybe you can help out part-time. Depending on your schedule. At least, keep us in mind.”
“Of course. You’ve both been so kind, especially after all the negativity in the press.”
Theo took her by the shoulders and gave her a little shake. “You need to stop thinking you’re a problem, Calhoun! Listen, I don’t know why you broke up with Gallagher, and I don’t care. But I’ll tell you this: I never liked that guy. He was such a prick to me during the All Stars game four years ago. Called me Pretty Boy! Didn’t surprise me that he got sent down to the AHL. Not a great player, and I’m thinking, not a great person.” He knocked gently on her forehead. “You need to get out of your head and start thinking with your heart.”
At one time she’d thought that was what got her into trouble, that she was too soft-hearted. But now she realized that it was a strength—one she’d leaned into while she spent those days with Bast.
She had no idea what lay ahead, but she was determined that whatever happened, her heart would lead the way.
31
Walking into the Rebels front office for a meeting with Fitz, Bast ran into Hudson Grey, who was coming out of Dr. Huang’s office, his eyes a little red.
“Hey, Bast, you’re back. How was Michigan?”
No secrets around here. “Snowy. How are things with you?”
“All good.”
“Really? You look kind of upset.”
Hudson waved it off. “No, not at all. Or not now. I’m always like this after a chat with the doc. It’s really cathartic.”
Dr. Huang was a sports psychologist, and while Bast had seen his fair share of them over the years, he’d never emerged from the office of one in tears.
“So, that’s going well for you, then?”
Hudson laughed because Bast sounded rather suspicious there. “Yeah, it is. I have some anxiety issues, so it helps to talk to someone impartial about that.”
Bast’s surprise that Hudson would just admit that so readily must have shown on his face.
“You think I’d want to keep that to myself, huh?”
“I guess. Or maybe not. People are a lot more understanding of anything related to mental health these days.”
Hudson smiled. “Yeah, it took me a while to get there. I used to do breathing exercises, meditation, a lot of DIY coping strategies. But after I had a panic attack on the ice last season and some other stuff happened with my guy, I figured it was time to seek professional help. I actually have a different therapist, but every now and then, when I need a friendly ear, I come see the doc here.” He gestured to Dr. Huang’s door. “That’s what she’s there for.”
“It’s good to have the option, I suppose.”
Hudson gave Bast a wry smile. “It’s not for everyone.”
“Yeah, I know, but sometimes taking that first step is the hardest. I’ve been thinking that maybe I should talk to someone.”
Hudson nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, or you could try Tara. She passes for a first-step therapist around here. Very discreet.”
Bast would not be spilling his guts to his hair stylist. The only woman he wanted to talk to about any of this was Pepper, but it wasn’t fair of him to unload his issues on her. She had enough going on.
“I should let you go, Hud. Good talking to you.”
“Yeah, you, too. Gosh, I forgot to ask. How’s the wrist?”
He had just come from a session with Kelly, one of the team’s PTs, where he’d squeezed a rubber ball and was told to stop trying to grind it into dust.
“It’s hard to say. I’ve been telling everyone I’ll get there and not to worry, but sometimes that can get … tiring.”
“Putting on the perfect front can be draining as hell.”
True. Bast had been faking his cheer for so long now that he wasn’t sure what his real personality was anymore.
“I want to play. I’m just not sure when or if it’s going to happen.” Not what anyone wanted to hear, but the candor felt good.
“Well, if and when you make it back, I can’t wait to be on a line with you.”
Bast smiled. “Me, too.” He watched Hudson head off, marveling at how the younger generation—by all of three years—seemed to have it figured out.
In Fitz’s office, he took a seat.
“How’s it going?”
“Better in some ways, not so good in others.”
“Talk to me.”
Bast spent the next thirty minutes letting Fitz in on his concerns about not making it back to full capacity, how he worried about letting his new team and his brother down, and how he might want to talk to someone professional so he wouldn’t come crying to Fitz every ten minutes.
“You’re always welcome, Bast,” Fitz said, sounding like he meant it. “But I’d like you to do this right and talk to Dr. Huang. She can make a call on whether you just need time with her or if something else needs to happen here. But I’m really grateful that you talked to me, and I want you to keep the lines of communication open.” He grimaced. “Man, that sounds so fucking corporate. The only thing missing is ‘my door is always open’. I hope you know what I mean.”
“I do. Thanks, Fitz.”
The boss smiled. “Before you go, we need to talk about what happened in the presser last week. I know you weren’t in the best frame of mind, and maybe we made a mistake with the timing. I want to apologize for forcing you to do that.”