“You’re right! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Chicago style pizza is the best in the world!” Harrison laughed before he pulled me close to his chest. “Please, don’t keep your brisket away from me.”
“I make no such promises.” I smiled as I leaned up toward him, pressing my lips into his own. But it wasn’t long until Harrison was pushing me away from his frame.
“What’s wrong?” I murmured, not expecting Harrison’s reaction to the kiss.
“Nothing, it’s just…” Harrison blew out a heavy breath. “Sorry. I was just thinking about what’s going on with my sister.”
“Kimmie’s going to be fine,” I replied. “Don’t worry. I’ve seen a lot of brides go into meltdown mode. Eventually, they always come to their senses and realize that they’re madly in love and can’t wait to walk down the aisle. It’s just a lot, you know? Planning the wedding, making such a big decision.”
“Yeah…” Harrison’s words trailed off. “Maybe she should just cancel it.”
“What?” I asked. “Why?”
“Because weddings only end in one of two ways,” Harrison explained. “Either they’ll get a divorce in a few years, or one of them will die first, and then the other will have to spend the rest of their lives by themselves, anyway. Why not just cut the bullshit now?”
“That’s pretty pessimistic, Harrison.”
“Is it pessimistic? Or is it just life?” Harrison shrugged. “Seriously, Morgan. If you would’ve ended up married to Charles, how long do you think you would’ve been happy? How long until he inevitably cheated on you and broke your heart? And how much worse would it have been if he was your husband?”
“Why does that matter?” I scoffed. “Charles was wrong for me. Just because I couldn’t see that until it was too late, doesn’t mean that Kimmie and Dirk are anything like that. There’s nothing wrong with just trying to be happy for as long as you can, Harrison, even if things don’t end the way you think they will.”
I was paraphrasing Taylor’s words from the restaurant as I looked over at Harrison. He made me so incredibly happy, that the thought of him leaving to go back home felt like it was going to break me.
And yet, I was still here. I was still trying to enjoy the time we had left, even if each second passed like agony, my mind fully aware that Harrison was on limited time, his brightness in my life slowly fading away, even as we spoke.
Harrison shrugged again. “They’re just going to hurt each other.”
“So, what? They shouldn’t ever try?”
“I’m just saying.” Harrison sighed. “I just can’t imagine loving someone like that.”
“You mean, loving someone enough to get married?”
“No,” Harrison clarified. “I mean, loving someone enough to set myself up for failure like that. Loving someone so much I’m blinded to reality. Loving someone so much I forget that love is just a bunch of bullshit. A fucking waste of time.”
I moved further away from Harrison as I felt my heart break into pieces in my chest, the imagined shards somehow sharp enough to pierce my skin. “Is that… is that how you really feel?”
“It’s how everyone should feel. Then maybe people wouldn’t be wasting so much of their lives.” Harrison chuckled, but it was devoid of all emotion. “Anyway, did you want me to order the pizza? Or did you want to order it yourself?”
“You can order the pizza,” I murmured as I crossed my arms over my chest. I knew that it wasn’t logical, but I was trying to keep my heart in place, not wanting it to be so obvious that I was falling apart inside.
“Are you okay?” Harrison asked as he pointed a finger in my direction. “Sorry if I was being an asshole about weddings. I know that’s your bread and butter.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “And you can order the pizza. I’m… I’m going to go freshen up in the bathroom.”
It was the last thing I said before I headed out of the living room, tears already streaming down my face.
Thanks to the power of makeup, I was able to hide that I’d been crying.
I was more grateful than ever, not wanting Harrison to ask me about it. We’d just finished eating a few slices of pizza and we were currently lying on the couch, with Harrison’s arm draped over my waist.
I hated that I was just crying over him. I hated that I wanted something that he so obviously didn’t, something that he thought was a fucking waste of time. I hated that I still wanted him to change his mind, deciding that love was something he wanted in his life, something that he wanted with me.
And as Harrison brought his mouth toward my neck, gently kissing my skin, I felt like crying all over again.
I loved him and all he wanted was my body.
I thought about pushing him away from me, denying him access to the only part of me he seemed to want, but I didn’t want to deprive myself. Because in true tragic fashion, Harrison’s body was the only part of him that I had access to as well, apparently unable to reach his heart or his mind.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Harrison murmured as his hand went down to the crotch of my jeans. “Fuck. Do you know how beautiful you are?”
I didn’t say anything as I pushed my hips up to meet Harrison’s palm. I turned my face away from Harrison’s as he started to press his hand down harder, rubbing my cock through the fabric of my jeans.
As he continued to trace the outline of my shaft with his hand, he brought his mouth to my neck again, his previously gentle kisses being replaced with something more aggressive, something that felt more purposeful. I moaned at the way Harrison sucked at my skin before the realization hit me in the middle of his forceful affection.
“Wait…” I breathed. “Are you trying to give me a hickey again?”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Harrison laughed. “Do you not want me to?”
“Why do you want to?”
“Because you’re mine,” Harrison said, matter of factly. “I thought we went over this already.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t?”
“Don’t say that.” I shook my head. “Don’t say that I’m yours.”
“Why not?” Harrison asked. “Are you… seeing someone else?”
“It doesn’t matter if I’m seeing someone else or not,” I answered. “I just don’t like it anymore, okay? So, let’s just drop it.”
“You would tell me, wouldn’t you?” Harrison’s voice was low. “If there was someone else?”
“Why do you care?” My words came out cold as ice. “You shouldn’t waste your time thinking about stuff like that, anyway. Let’s just go back to what you came over to do.”
“Fine,” Harrison relented as he went back to kissing my neck.
And I struggled to hold back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes.
16
Harrison
Morgan seemed like he was a million miles away.