Bernadette got up from her place on the settee and rushed to her side, snatching the missive from her fingers. “Lightmorrow asked you to a party?” she asked as she scanned the pages with far too interested a gaze.
“No doubt he has invited you two, as well, as he says something about my friends,” Valaria said, and paced across the room.
She was not in a good humor and she rather hated herself for it. She wanted to be light and fun for the sake of these women, but all she could think about was Callum. He had come to her every day for three days and then…poof. He had sent word yesterday that he could not join her and she hadn’t heard from him at all today.
Was he finished with their affair? Had she bored him to tears and he was already off with some other woman? Oh, how she hated the tales she weaved while she lay in her bed, desperately trying to recreate the pleasures she shared with him and cursing her hand for its inadequacies.
“Did you hear me, Valaria?” It was Flora who spoke and Valaria forced herself to look at her friend, who was now holding the note. “You two are so distracted, neither one of you can read. The Duke of Lightmorrow is not having a party, but merely a gathering of friends. It’s clearly just for the five of us, as it was that night when we went to Blackvale’s London estate.”
“You didn’t mind that, Valaria,” Bernadette said. “Certainly it would be nice to get out and have fun with friends.”
“Yes,” Flora said with a hard look. “Friends.” When Bernadette blushed, she turned her attention back to Valaria. “You have been locked up in your house every day this week. You must want an airing out, as well.”
Valaria was the one who blushed this time. Though she hadn’t gone into detail, she knew her friends suspected her affair with Callum had gone from potential to reality. But if they had noted his arrival each day, no one had said anything about it.
“Er, I’m not sure I’m friends with Lightmorrow. Or Blackvale.” But that didn’t feel true. She did feel as though she and Callum were growing closer, despite all her attempts to keep him at arm’s length. She…liked him. Despite herself, sometimes.
Flora snorted out a laugh as she crossed to Valaria and returned the missive to her. “Both of you are hopeless.”
“What does that mean?” Bernadette asked, her tone as nervous as Valaria, herself, felt.
“It’s obvious both of you like these men. More than like them. And yet you dance around the subject like two schoolgirls.” Flora threw up her hands. “Am I the only reasonable person in the room?”
“Hardly,” Bernadette muttered. “At any rate, it doesn’t matter what or who I like, as you put it. Theo…the Duke of Lightmorrow…has known me for years. Decades, even. And he’s never paid any more attention to me than he would a gnat. And why would he?”
“Oh, don’t say that,” Valaria said, pivoting toward Bernadette and grasping her hands. “You are worth five times that man. Fifty times. He would be lucky to have your attention.”
Bernadette blushed. “I was a wallflower before my marriage and I will be a wallflower after, I fear. Luckily I have no need to go back out on the marriage mart and start all over again. So yes, I might admit that I find the man…I find him very attractive. But I will observe him like I do a painting in a gallery or a fine sculpture in a garden. He is out of my reach.”
Flora rolled her eyes. “And what say you, Valaria? Do you have an equally ridiculous response to my charge?”
“What charge?” Valaria asked, though she knew exactly what Flora meant.
A bark of laughter was the response. “That you like the Duke of Blackvale. At least I hope you do, since you already confessed to wanting him and he’s been showing up at your house over and over. I assume he has not taken up a position delivering the post.”
Valaria bent her head. “Very well. You two already knew what I was considering with Callum. And yes…I have…we have begun an affair.”
Bernadette squeezed her hand. “Oh, Valaria! How exciting!”
Valaria stared from one of them to the other. Once again, they both offered her nothing but support and friendship. There was no judgment, even if what she was doing could be judged by some in Society.
And for a moment she felt a swell of such sisterly love for them both, such deep friendship, that tears swelled to her eyes. How had she gotten so lucky to have met two people who would so swiftly bring her into their circle? Understand her?
“Oh no,” Flora said, the teasing gone from her voice. She produced a handkerchief as if by magic and crossed the room to hand it over. “Don’t tell me it’s terrible. That would be waste of a very handsome gentleman.”
Valaria laughed as she dabbed her eyes. “No, it’s not terrible. Quite the opposite. I just…I have never felt such acceptance.”
Of course, she knew it could disappear if these two women ever discovered her secret. Just as Callum would disappear. Which was why she had to be careful.
“Why wouldn’t we accept you?” Bernadette asked, putting an arm around her. “You are a delight.” She arched a brow toward Flora. “And now that you’ve made her cry, perhaps you would like to answer for yourself, Flora.”
“What do I have to answer for?” Flora asked, tossing up her hands. “I’m not carrying on a secret affair or mooning after a handsome duke.”
“And why not?” Valaria asked, jumping in on the teasing and surprised by how comfortable it was to do so. “You’re the prettiest of the lot of us—you could probably have any man you wanted.”
For a moment, a shadow crossed Flora’s face, a depth of sadness that Valaria understood in her deepest soul. “No. I loved someone, I married him. I shall never repeat that. I intend to be a blunt dowager like the Duchess of Amberleigh. I will look down my nose and terrify the debutantes. And cheer on my lovely friends, of course, as they live their rich and interesting lives.”
She said it with such flair that Valaria almost believed that would be enough for Flora. But she still felt that sense of sadness beneath the surface. Flora was lying to herself that it would be enough.
And Valaria knew that because she did the same to herself every day. She’d lied to herself that she could endure the heartache Silas dished out. She’d lied to herself that she could accept shutting herself away from the world.
And she feared she was lying to herself when it came to Callum, as well. The barriers she had erected were clearly not strong enough if she missed his presence after just two days apart.
She stared at the invitation in her hand again and sighed. “I think it’s clear we should all say yes, then. If only for Bernadette’s sake, so she can ogle Lightmorrow.”
Bernadette blushed to her hairline, but she looked pleased as she said, “Oh stop, you two.”
They all laughed and then Flora kindly changed the subject. But as they talked, Valaria continued to slide her fingers over the invitation from Lightmorrow. And wonder exactly what it would look like to mingle with Callum in these circumstances.
CHAPTER 15
Callum had arrived far too early for Theo’s gathering. His friend had punished him for it by making him sit in the parlor alone with his thoughts. Well, perhaps that was going too far. Theo had never been on time for anything in his thirty-two years, let alone early, so the fact that Callum had to wait alone was really on himself. He paced the room, staring at the clock on the mantel as he awaited the arrival of the ladies to this party.