“If you come, I’ll tell you which one I am.” He grins, nudging his head into the crook of her neck, making her giggle louder before she steps back.
“No, seriously. I have too much to do. Next time. Plus, I like the mystery.”
“Bullshit,” I accuse, smirking at her returned scowl. “I’ll give you a ride. Send your car home. And you know that Liam and I can’t be trusted. You’ll never know which of us is which.”
She doesn’t answer, choosing to give me her best Mona Lisa smile as we stare at each other, making her unreadable. And tempting. I step in toward her, forgetting everyone around us when I’m stopped by Kai tapping my shoulder. “We have to go.”
She blinks rapidly, and looks to the side, revealing a light dusting of blush that’s crept up her neck to her cheek.
Liam joins me and faces Kai. “We’ll cover for you. She likes you best. Make her come.”
Donovan smiles as Kai starts walking toward her, spouting whatever nonsense he needs to say to convince her.
My feet carry me backward, and I tip my chin up, adding loudly, “Drag her kicking and screaming if you have to,” before I turn and make my way to practice.
Donovan
I POCKET MY PHONE, HAVING left a text message for my driver to let him know I’d be late, and ignore two back-to-back calls from my mom as I make my way through the crowded commons. My feet bounce down the concrete steps onto the expansive grass. It wasn’t hard to convince me to watch their practice. Kai isn’t much of a bully, more like a savvy negotiator. He promised me froyo every lunch and to keep Caroline on a leash if I came today. The froyo was the only part of the sentence I found remotely plausible.
A quiet laugh stays in my chest as I walk, knowing I would have come with only a request from him. He’s growing on me. Our shared love for YouTube makeup tutorials and hot guys is carving out a forever friendship between us.
Enveloped by the bright sun, I step out from the shade tree I’ve been walking under, making my eyes squint. It’s so bright for this time of year. But I won’t complain about this Indian summer, even if it makes me miss Spain a bit. My shoulder dips as I rummage through my black satchel searching for my sunnies.
“Where are you hiding,” I mumble, diving down again, just as my fingers come into possession. “Aha.”
The grass under my boots is soft, and I sink a bit with each step as I head toward the part of the river that Kai said the crew met at for their practice. He said they try and practice outside as much as possible until the weather turns, and I’m happy they do because, with my glasses firmly in place, I spot them off in the distance, all jogging in a single-file line.
Shirts off.
Hello, crew.
A row of slender wood boats lines the bank of the river, all flipped upside down, showing off painted colored stripes on the light-colored frames. God, it brings back so many memories. Grey was so into this when we were young. So much so that every single birthday, I bought him a wooden boat that we would take to Central Park and sail until it eventually sunk.
Shrugging out of one side of my blazer, I plop my bag down under a big tree and pull my other arm out. My fingers find my tie while I stay trapped in the memory and tug it back and forth to make it even looser than it already was before lifting it over my head, taking my hair with it, and toss it on top of my bag.
The team makes their way to the dock where their boat bobs in the water gently, each wave causing tiny little stars on the water from the reflection of the sun.
I brush away a few leaves that have begun to fall and lay my jacket out, settling down on top of it. Stretching my legs out in front of me, I relax back onto my hands, appreciating the wicked picture. Guys grab water bottles and shake their sweaty heads, making the grin on my face grow.
It’s a glistening shirtless tableau.
Damn. It’s the wettest of dreams come true. The coach’s voice echoes against the nature surrounding us, his words too far away for me to hear but commanding the attention of the crew.
Except for Grey. He’s staring at me. I can see the intention behind his eyes, even from here. Same maniacally plotting Grey. Even when we were kids, he gave me butterflies when he put his sights on something. He was so intensely determined. The difference is now I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end.
Despite the flirtations, the last few days have been effortless; we’ve fallen right back into our friendship. With the exception of the Caroline issue, life is heading in the direction of pretty damn perfect.
I sweep my fingers back and forth over my bangs to free them from under my glasses, still staring at the boys. Grey’s still looking at me, piercing me with his stare, but this time, questions are forming. I can tell by the crease of his brow. It’s a matter of time until I’ll have to come clean, I know that, but I want more time before seeing the disappointment on their faces.
They won’t judge me, I’m sure of it, but they’ll feel sorry for me and that’s worse. Telling Grey and Liam about the shit I landed in over the last few years makes it that much more real. And I could use a break from that.
Changing my life is a priority for me, but the minute I got back, I stepped into a version of myself that I missed, that I desperately wanted back. I don’t want to give that up, and sometimes, it’s harder to be myself when I’m surrounded by my past. Once it catches up, I don’t get to be flirtatious Donovan or silly Donovan. Everything I do will carry more weight, more consequence. I’m not ready. So, I’m going to let them block that out for just a little bit longer.
Grey’s hand rubs down his neck and over the hard planes of his chest, as my bottom lip releases from between my teeth, surprising me, considering I didn’t know I was biting it. I give a tiny wave, but he doesn’t reciprocate. As if Liam can hear Grey’s thoughts, his head turns and locks on me as well.
They’re such a stark contrast of each other but perfectly paired. One dark and broody, the other light and charming. Both my favorite people. Even after all this time, I feel the same way—well, almost the same. I can’t help but be attracted to both of them, but their friendship means enough to me that I won’t cross that line, no matter how much I want to. And I’ll keep saying that to myself until I believe it.
Liam leans in toward Grey, saying something into his ear, and goose bumps spread over my legs before they both turn their attention away.
They’re talking about me. I’d give a hundred million pennies for that thought.
I sit and watch them, wondering what my life would have been like if I had stayed. A relationship with my father probably wouldn’t seem so far-fetched, that’s for sure. Maybe my mom and I wouldn’t be so torn up and damaged. And I’d be here, more firmly planted than I am, because I’d be right between Grey and Liam.
Would I have fallen in love-love with one of them, or both? Definitely both. I smile to myself.
Even as my lips tip up, there’s a tightness in my chest. I rub a small circle on my skin, trying to rid myself of it, but I can’t help but feel the grief for a life I’ll never know. All those memories we never got to make. All taken.
Grey and Liam stay focused for the remainder of the practice as I watch, but once they row out, I decide to sneak away to get home. Watching them had me thinking more and more dirty thoughts, so clarity in the form of escape was necessary.