I don’t let go, even as I watch her pulse drop lower and lower, until she flatlines right there on the table in front of me, her paw still warm in my grasp.
I don’t let go when Dr. Holmes touches my shoulder, tells me this is the toughest part of the job and she’s sorry I had to see it so quickly.
I don’t let go until the room empties, until it’s time for the moment I dread, something I’ve spent these years hoping I’d somehow never have to do.
“Does it ever get easier?” I ask on a whisper, peeking at Pepper’s mom through the small window in the door.
Dr. Holmes hesitates. “Never.”
“I was afraid of that.”
“Rosie.” She catches my arm, stopping me before I can open the door. “You did great today. You were thorough and quick with your assessment of Pepper earlier, allowing us to get her onto that table as quick as we did, even if we were still too late. Give yourself some grace. We need to keep our emotions in check here, yes, but I don’t need you to be a robot. If you need to cry after this, scream, swear…give yourself the grace to feel what you need to feel. I find we can’t move on until we do.”
I nod, and before I lose my nerve, I push through the door.
Mrs. Greene jumps to her feet, wringing her hands. “That was fast. You said it would be longer.” She smiles, but it’s shaky. “Is that a good thing?”
I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be responsible for breaking her heart, for telling her that her best friend isn’t going home tonight, that she won’t be curled up at her feet, or resting her head in her lap.
I clear my throat and step toward her. “Mrs. Greene—”
Her breath hitches, and she presses her hand to her throat, stepping back. “No.”
Everything pulls taut, so tight I feel like something has to snap. There’s a lump in my throat making it harder and harder to breathe. “Pepper’s GDV was extensive and advanced. Her stomach ruptured from the pressure shortly after we began, and we were not able to save her.”
My eyes burn as I watch hers fill with tears, spilling relentlessly down her face. I blink my own away, press my lips together to stop the sob that wants to escape.
“She was not in pain when she went. We made sure she was comfortable and loved. She was not alone.” My voice breaks on the last word, and I feel a gentle touch on my shoulder.
“Rosie held Pepper’s hand all the way through,” Dr. Holmes tells Mrs. Greene. “We know this is a lot to process. Would you like a moment alone, or would you like a shoulder?”
“I…” She sinks down to her seat. “I don’t…but Pepper…she was fine last night. Just last night she was fine.” Her gaze is lost, fixated on the floor, but I’d bet she’s not seeing a damn thing. Her eyes start roaming, bouncing around the room, like they’re making sense of the news.
Like she’s realizing she just lost her best friend.
I do fine. I swear I’m doing fine, even as her chest starts heaving. But when her face crumples, when a sob breaks free and she collapses into herself, burying her shaking hands in her hair and crying out for her dog, something inside me shatters. I clutch at my chest, trying to claw the pain right out of there, and Dr. Holmes whispers a simple, “Go,” in my ear before she takes a seat next to Mrs. Greene.
And I go. I throw my clipboard down at the doctor’s station and burst through the double doors leading to the reception area. I rush past the stares and out the front door, into the warm September afternoon, and I run.
I run across campus, until I wind up at the same bench I fell apart at two weeks ago, when Adam found me here after I lost my scholarship.
And I do the same thing I did then.
I don’t want to, but I give in to the pain, burying my face in my shaking hands and letting it go.
Like I did right here on this bench in the safety of the arms of someone I loved and trusted, I fall apart.
CHAPTER 25
FOREVER FAMILIES
ROSIE
Adopted.
There’s this silly part of me, this small child buried so deep down, who sees that seven-letter word scrawled across the animal cage and, every single time, without fail, actually feels…jealousy. Grief for a family I lost, and a second one I was never given a chance with.
It doesn’t change a thing about how excited I am for the animals going home to be with their forever families. There’s nothing I want more than for them to live out the rest of their lives in luxury.
Luxury is being surrounded by all the love you need to walk through life. It’s having someone to laugh with on the good days, and arms to hold you up on the bad ones. Luxury…it’s the people who make it all worth it. Every single day.
I’ve lived with luxury, and I’ve lived without it. I know which one I’d choose.
I pull Mittens from his den, snuggling him against my chest. “I’m glad you’re getting your family, Mitts.”
He crawls up my shoulder, clinging tightly to me as I walk through the shelter.
“It’ll be okay, buddy.” I smooth my palm down his back as I reach the room where his new dad is supposed to be waiting. “You’re going to love your new family.”
He makes a low, growly sound, like he doesn’t believe me.
I push through the door, stopping when I see the large, tattooed man inside.
Jaxon Riley, who I now know to be the Vancouver Vipers superstar defenseman, one of the NHL’s most notorious fighters, a gigantic playboy, and one of Adam’s best friends, smiles. “Hi, Rosie.”
Mittens’ head whips around, and with a meow that echoes across the galaxy, he launches himself off my chest. Jaxon chuckles, crouching to catch him in his arms. My heart warms at the sight, Mittens tucking his fluffy white and orange head into the crook of Jaxon’s neck, the perfect fit.
“Hey, Mitts,” Jaxon whispers against his fur. “You’re coming home, marshmallow.”
I disguise my laugh as a cough when Mittens scurries up Jaxon’s shirt and drapes himself over his broad shoulders. “Does your shirt say Cat Daddy ?”
Jaxon doesn’t even bat an eye. “Fuck yeah, it does. I wanted it to say Slutty Cat Daddy , but Adam wouldn’t let me. He’s no fun sometimes.”
Clearing my throat, I start flipping through the adoption paperwork. “Almost didn’t recognize you without your mustache.”
His smirk is proud as he rubs the spot where that fake monstrosity was when I first met him. Now, there’s only stubble. “Thinking of growing a real one. I can rock it, right? Garrett looked ridiculous with his, though. Right? I looked better?”
“Is who wore the fake mustache better when you came to spy on me really a competition?”
“Everything’s a competition between me and Garrett. And we weren’t spying on you.” He chuckles at the sassy eye roll I hit him with. “Okay, we were spying on you, but only ’cause Adam wouldn’t shut up about you, and we were tired of waiting for him to bring you around.”
My heart sinks at his harmless words, and I clutch the clipboard in my hands. “Um, so, you brought a carrier to take Mittens home, that’s great.”