Chapter 1
Present day – London, UK
‘How did you get invited to this exhibition, Orla?’ Emma turns to look at me, her loose black hair streaking back from her face as the wind howls down the street towards us. It’s a horrible night, and I feel bad for inviting her out in such awful weather, but she seemed eager enough when I told her about it this afternoon. ‘I can’t believe you’ve got an opening night invitation to Aiden Byrne’s exhibition. The Aiden Byrne! Do you know him or something?’
‘Yes, kind of. Well, used to, anyway,’ I say, side-stepping a sodden newspaper that takes sudden flight and tries to wrap itself around my legs. That’d be all I need, to see Aiden again with wet paper stuck to my tights! It’s bad enough my hair feels like it’s coming loose from the glamorous up-do I had done this afternoon. I’d intended to arrive looking chic and sophisticated, but at this rate I’m going to look like I’ve come on a motorbike. ‘Why? Have you heard of him?’
‘Of course I’ve heard of him!’ Emma says. ‘I wouldn’t have agreed to come out in this storm if I hadn’t!’
‘Really? How?’
Aiden’s not that famous, surely? Okay, he’s getting bigger, otherwise he wouldn’t be having an exhibition at the Hayward Gallery, but still, I’m surprised Emma knows who he is.
‘Are you joking?’ Emma throws me an incredulous look. ‘He’s done all those wildlife documentaries! Everyone knows who he is now. Besides, I have lots of friends who are environmental activists, and they think he’s really cool.’
I absorb this information with some amazement, though I shouldn’t really be surprised. Aiden had a bit of a cult following even when I knew him five years ago, so it stands to reason that will have grown, especially with the documentaries being televised. Of course, I knew about them, and though I’ve not watched any myself, I’m aware they’ve been well received.
‘You can’t know him very well then!’ Emma says, crossly. ‘I thought you were going to introduce me to him. I wanted a selfie! I told all my friends and everything!’
I can’t help laughing. Emma’s our new trainee reporter, and even though she’s impressed me with her sparky enthusiasm and intelligence, on occasions she’ll revert into stroppy teenager mode. I like her though. Her cheekiness reminds me of my younger sister, and I’ve kind of taken her under my wing since she started working on the paper. Hence the invite to tonight’s exhibition. She can do a write-up for the What’s On section, and I get a wingman that will make this feel like a work assignment instead of a social event.
And I badly need this to feel like a work assignment.
No one was more surprised than I was when the invitation arrived in the post five weeks ago. As soon as I saw it, I decided not to go, intending to write a polite note wishing him luck. But the note never got written, and somewhere along the line I realised I couldn’t not go to such a major exhibition when I’m a newspaper reporter with an entertainment section to fill. So instead I confirmed my attendance with a plus one, thinking I’d ask my boyfriend James. But that didn’t seem right either. After all, I’d hate to meet Aiden’s girlfriend.
Oh no, what if Aiden has a girlfriend? Or a wife!
‘We don’t have to go, you know.’ I stop walking abruptly. ‘We can just go home, pretend it wasn’t on. I doubt we’ll actually speak to him.’
‘Oh no!’ Emma sounds contrite, thinking her stroppiness has caused my sudden change of heart. ‘I didn’t mean it. It’ll just be good to be in the same room as him, really. I don’t care about talking to him, or the selfie! Ignore me, you know what I’m like.’ She carries on walking, and I feel duty-bound to follow, all the while thinking of excuses why Emma should go in on her own. But before I know it, we’re at the gallery doors and my pulse is going haywire in panic.
I can’t see Aiden again, I can’t see Aiden again, I can’t see Aiden again.
‘You must know him a little bit though,’ Emma’s saying as she pulls open the door and steps inside. ‘I saw the invite on your desk and it was addressed to you personally. It wasn’t just for random newspaper staff or the entertainment editor, it was directly to you. In gold embossed lettering.’
‘Well, I knew him a long time ago, but he probably invited lots of people that work in the media. He must want the publicity.’
The nerves I’ve been battling all day threaten to overwhelm me as we go inside and join the queue for the cloakroom. I didn’t sleep last night, and I haven’t been able to eat since breakfast. Now I feel hollow and light-headed, my hands shaking from the day’s excess caffeine consumption. At least that’s the reason I tell myself they’re shaking.
‘Did you guys fall out or something?’ Emma asks, curiously.
‘No, no. Nothing like that,’ I say, my eyes darting all over the place. To my relief, the gallery is full of people and the air is buzzing with laughter and conversation. Of course, Aiden has a huge number of friends. As a wildlife photographer and conservationist, he travels all over the world and his kindness and friendly nature naturally draw people to him. There are bound to be all sorts of people from all sorts of places here. He’s going to be so busy catching up with other friends that I’m sure I’ll be able to avoid him all night. I square my shoulders, feeling slightly calmer than before. Maybe I could manage a friendly wave from a distance, just to say I’ve shown my face. My stomach dips as the thought of any contact, however small, sends my heart racing.
Just knowing he’s here in London frays my nerves. All week I’ve been thinking that I’ve seen him out of the corner of my eye, standing at bus stops or walking down the street, but it’s never him when I’ve turned to look.
I hate the hope. I hate the disappointment. I hate that I still feel like this after all this time.
When Aiden and I said goodbye five years ago, I vowed never to see him again. We hadn’t fallen out or anything. Far from it, in fact. We parted amicably, lovingly, but we’d run our course. Aiden had an assignment in India, and I was just starting out as a newspaper reporter. Our lives were going in different directions and we always knew our relationship was temporary. We needed a clean break. Emailing him every week and seeing him whenever he came back to the UK wasn’t ever going to help me move on.
Not that I’ve done a great job of moving on anyway. Still, there was no need for him to know that. Aiden’s a free spirit. One of life’s wanderers. There’s no question in my mind that he’ll have moved on by now.
He probably barely remembers me.
‘Wow! Nice dress!’ Emma says as I peel off my coat and pass it to the girl behind the desk.
‘Thank you.’ I glance down at it, pleased she thinks so. It’s knee-length and black with sparkly silver embroidery. It cost a small fortune but I wanted to look good tonight, for my own self-esteem more than anything else. I chose a dress that made me look sophisticated and successful, as different from the girl he used to know as possible. I pat my hair self-consciously. ‘Is my hair alright? It hasn’t come down, has it?’
‘No, it’s fine.’ Emma checks round the back. ‘Just a bit wispy at the front, but nothing bad. Just sexy. Can we find the toilets? I need to brush mine through.’