“Why? I’m fine.”
“You could probably be better.”
“Do I look bad or something?”
“No, but you never know. Vitamin deficiency is the cause of many illnesses, not just scurvy if you don’t have enough C or weak bones if you don’t get enough D; it’s linked to other problems like depression, indigestion, even paranoia.”
“Yeah, that’s the one that’s killing me, Mom. Sometimes I get paranoid and I think my family is going to show up at my house one Saturday without warning, but then I feel better when I realize I’m alone and it’s just my imagination running away with me.”
“Don’t be silly, son.”
I poured myself my second coffee of the day and asked loudly if anyone else wanted one. Only Justin said yes. I made it for him and walked out onto the porch, where we all ended up gathering. My father had sat in the hammock with a bohemian air, saying things like “It smells peaceful here” and “I like the vibe in your house.”
“So are you surfing again?” Emily asked Leah while one of her kids crawled all over her.
“A little. I made a deal with Axel.”
Leah looked at me and I felt a connection. A tie that was starting to bind us. I realized we were the only witnesses to what we were experiencing in those months, and I liked that.
“Are you forcing her?” Justin asked.
“Of course not! Or maybe, yeah. What does it matter?” I started laughing when I saw him disconcerted.
“He’s not forcing me,” Leah lied.
“I hope not,” my mother said.
“I want to surf too!” Max shouted.
“Let your uncle teach you, you’ll be owning it,” my father said.
His remark produced varied reactions. My mother said, “Daniel you sound ridiculous,” Justin frowned, and my nephews shouted with enthusiasm, jumping on top of the surfboards on one end of the porch.
Fifteen minutes later, I was with them and my father in the water. I put them on the board, which was broad and long, and they stayed sitting there while I guided them to where the waves started. My father was excited and followed close behind me. Everyone else was back on the beach chatting and eating donuts Mom had brought from the café.
“I want to stand up!” Connor started moving.
“No, we’ll do that later. Today, just stay seated.”
“Promise me we will later though.”
“I promise,” I said, cutting him off.
Connor was holding onto the edges of the board when a wave shook it. We kept at it for a while, until Max got tired and pushed his brother off. I left them in the water, playing and laughing, and looked at my father.
“Leah’s looking good,” he remarked.
“She’s making progress. Slowly. But she’ll get there.”
“You’re doing a good job.”
“Why do you think it’s me?”
“Because I know you, and I know when something gets in your head, there’s no stopping you. I still remember the day you asked me if beetles were fat because they were full of daisies. We had just moved and you had seen that in one of Douglas’s paintings, the weird one full of colors that I used to make fun of, saying he must have smoked something before he painted it. I told you no, but obviously you weren’t convinced. You had to see it with your own eyes. So two days later, there I found you, on the porch dissecting a poor beetle. And now you’re a vegetarian.”
I laughed. “Why would he paint that?” I remembered Douglas’s picture perfectly. The colors milling together around a mound of flowers and purple-colored beetles on the ground, sliced open and full of daisies.
“Ah, he was like that; that was his magic. So hard to predict.”
“Fuck.” I took a deep breath. “I sure miss him.”
“Me too. Both of them.” My father looked away, sadder than I ever saw him, and over at the surfboard the twins were trying to climb up on. “You should customize it. Make it cooler.”
He grinned softly.
They left around lunchtime, and Leah and I spent the time together in silence, as usual. In the evening, I worked awhile on a job I had to turn in at the beginning of the week, a logo and a couple of promo images for a restaurant that was opening soon. Leah stayed in her room listening to music, and I decided to give her space. She hadn’t started painting again and I hadn’t asked her to. Yet.
When night fell, we had dinner on the porch.
I went inside for a sweatshirt after putting the dishes in the sink, because winter was almost here and it was starting to get cool in the later hours.
I got comfortable next to her on the cushions. “You really don’t want to try it?”
“No, you look like the weird tea lady.”
“A joker… okay, fine.”
Leah smiled timidly, but soon a shadow fell across her expression. “I realized today it must be really hard for you to have me in your house.”
“What made you think that?”
“Seeing you with your family. How you hate the way they invade your space. You’ve always been particular. I get that, I really do. I’m sorry things are this way.”
“Don’t say that. It’s not true.”
I meant it. I hadn’t even thought about it, but Leah’s presence in my life didn’t bother me. Living with her was simple, despite her problems, the changes that kept coming every week.
“Thanks anyway,” she whispered.
35
_________
Leah
Kevin jax was my first kiss.
Three weeks had passed since New Year’s and it still hurt me to remember it. It was January and school had just started, but at the beginning, we never had to pay much attention, so Kevin and I started passing notes back and forth starting the first day.
How was the break?
Fine. Painted a lot. You?
On the beach with the guys. You walking home?
Yeah, why do you ask?
Can I walk with you?
I bit the tip of my pen and answered with a simple yes. When class was over, I said goodbye to Blair, who was going in the opposite direction. Kevin came over with a timid smile.
We barely talked at first, as if sending notes to each other in class had nothing to do with being face to face. But as the days passed, the discomfort faded, and I realized he was fun and really smart. He liked licorice, and sometimes he would eat one while we walked, because he said he was jealous of me always having a sucker in my mouth. It made me laugh. He was one of those optimistic people who are always happy and infect you with their joy.
“So you’ll come to the beach party this Saturday,” he repeated when we reached the door to my house.
I nodded, thumbs in the straps of my backpack. Kevin looked at me nervously and took a breath before speaking. “I was going to wait till then, but…”
I knew what he was thinking before it happened.
There, under the light brown trellis climbing the white fence among the wild grass, he bent over and kissed me. It was a slightly clumsy, timid kiss, as they all are at that age. I closed my eyes and noticed a tingle in my stomach that was still there as Kevin turned around and walked away.