Because I fell in love with a man who would never love me back.
The sensation of being suffocated hit me. Struggling to suck in oxygen, I did the only thing I could think of.
Run.
I needed away from this. Away from Judge and Mom and this…pain.
With a sob, I rushed from his bedroom.
“Elli!” he roared behind me, but I kept running. When I reached my room, I slammed the door and flipped the lock just as his body crashed into it, causing the entire frame to vibrate. “Elli, open this door!”
“Go away, Judge.”
“Ellianna!” I shuddered when his fist hit the door. “Open the fucking door now. We have to talk about this.”
“I’m done talking,” I called, closing my eyes in hopes of stopping my tears. “There’s nothing left to discuss.”
“You weren’t even listening,” he raged. “I didn’t even have a chance to explain.”
“Bullshit!”
“Baby, please.”
“Fuck off.”
Moving away from the door, I crossed to the closet. Why did I come back here? When Judge showed up at Blaine’s apartment, I never should have returned. Why did I let myself think things were different?
Why did I allow myself to even imagine that Zachary Bennet might actually love me one day?
While Judge continued to pound on the door, shouting so loudly I wondered if the neighbors a mile away could hear him, I started packing. I didn’t rush this time. Everything was meticulously folded and placed in my luggage. I wasn’t going to just run away this time. I’d figure out a plan, and then I would leave.
School was already confirmed. What had my adviser said? That all I needed to do was let the school know if my housing situation changed?
Well, it had.
There was no way I could stay in this house any longer, but I wasn’t going to go back to California. That was where Judge had wanted me, and I’d be damned if he was going to get anything else he fucking wanted from me.
Swallowing back another sob, I felt the shift of the necklace around my throat. For the first time since it was placed there, it felt like it was choking me. Dropping the pair of jeans I was folding, I pulled at the chain, desperate to find the clasp so I could take it off.
My nails scratched around the chain until I found the little lobster claw. As soon as I released it, the tears came faster. I felt naked, bare, vulnerable. This wasn’t right. It was as if a part of me was now missing without the choker in place.
Fingers trembling, I dropped it on the floor.
Out in the bedroom, I heard a loud crash that made me jump. Before I could move to see what had happened, Judge appeared in the closet doorway, his chest heaving.
His wild eyes were so dark, they seemed like bottomless pits. When he realized what I was doing, he stumbled forward. “No, Elli. You’re not leaving me.”
Wiping my forearm over the tears dripping from my chin, I turned back to folding my clothes.
“Don’t do this. Don’t shut me out.”
“I’m not doing anything you haven’t already forced me to do before,” I reminded him. “You don’t want me here. I don’t think you ever did.”
“God, why are you being so stubborn?” he exploded. “Why can’t you hear what I’m trying to tell you?”
Tossing my last pair of jeans into the luggage, I started on my skirts. “It took me a while, but I finally got the message loud and clear.”
“Stop being a fucking brat and just listen to me!”
Ignoring his command, I bent to carefully tuck the skirt into place.
“Elli, where is your collar?” His question came out ragged, guttural. I’d felt his tension when he first came in, but it was different now.
Do not give in, Ellianna.
Without bothering to look at him, I picked it up and tossed it at his feet. “I’m sure you’ll find someone more worthy of that soon enough.”
If there had been anything left of my heart, it would have crumbled just saying those words. He’d taken everything away and finally left me with nothing. I wouldn’t let myself think of him doing everything we’d done together with someone else.
He was never meant to be mine.
I had to accept that.
Arms wrapped around me from behind, jerking me backward against his hard body. “How many times do I have to tell you that you are the only one? No one before. No one after. Only. You.”
A week ago, I believed him.
Yesterday, I believed him.
That morning, I believed him.
I didn’t believe him now.
I couldn’t.
Judge had bent and dented me in the past, but I wasn’t even broken at this point. Maybe it wouldn’t end my life, but it had taken a vital part of me—of who I was.
He’d killed something in me.
I had nothing left.
Chapter 34
Judge
She was slipping away from me. With the way she remained still, silently crying but so calm, I knew I was losing her, and I had no idea how to stop it from happening.
Feeling the sting of tears, I pressed my brow to the back of her head. “Scream, Elli. Break things. Throw a fit. I don’t care. Just please, sweetheart, don’t leave me.”
“Aren’t you done playing this game?” she asked softly. “Are you not exhausted trying to keep up the pretense?”
“There is no game.” No response. “I’ve never pretended a day in my life. I’m not going to start now, especially not with you.”
“I don’t believe you,” she whispered.
“Give me a chance to make it up to you,” I pleaded. “All I need is one, baby. I won’t waste it. I’ll show you how sorry I am.”
“I think you paid your guilt-debt off in orgasms. Relax. You have nothing to weigh you down any longer where I’m concerned.”
“Goddamn it, Elli,” I groaned into her hair.
She tilted her head away from me. “I’m in the middle of something, so if you’ll excuse me.”
“No, I’m not going to fucking excuse you. You’re being unreasonable. Any other time, I’m fine with you pushing my limits and being my spoiled little princess. But not right now, Ellianna. Let me fix this.”
“You’re an asshole for saying that.”
Swallowing the knot that was trying to choke me, I shifted gears. “Where will you even go?”
She shrugged. “School starts soon.”
Muttering a curse, I turned her to face me. “I already canceled the lease on your apartment. Given what happened with your moronic roommate, they didn’t make a fuss about ending it early.”
“I’ll find somewhere else to live.”
“You made me close your scholarship fund accounts,” I reminded her.
Despite the tears still leaking from her eyes, she lifted her brows at me. “I’ve already secured funding for school. A real scholarship, as well as financial aid.”
Realizing she had been working behind the scenes, planning to leave me, I felt sucker-punched. “You were just going to go back without telling me?”
“I guess we were both keeping secrets.”
Releasing her, I stepped back, needing a little space. “I had school already taken care of for you. As adamant as you were about going to law school on your own, I made sure Georgetown honored the original scholarship they offered you.”