“I’m sorry, you…did…what?” She blinked up at me like she didn’t understand the words I’d just spoken. “You did what?”
“I had to, Mabel. It was the only thing I could think of to protect her,” I explained, but it sounded weak to my own ears.
“What was there to protect her from?” she snapped harshly. “She was so heartbroken when she got that rejection letter. Why didn’t you protect her from that?”
“I was protecting her from me—”
“You were protecting yourself,” she cut me off. “I’m neither blind nor stupid, but you are a damn fool. You were scared, so you decided you would take away the one thing that girl had dreamed of and worked her ass off for. But it’s okay, because you were ‘protecting’ her.” She made air quotes as she snidely rolled her eyes. “Do you think maybe, just maybe, you should have asked Ellianna if she wanted to be protected?”
“I—”
“No, of course you didn’t. Because you’re a selfish idiot.” She walked several steps away from me before abruptly turning back to face me. “I know you two have been sleeping together. So apparently you weren’t all that worried about protecting her from yourself now.”
“I couldn’t fight my feelings for her anymore,” I admitted quietly.
“And you thought, what, exactly?” Her laugh held zero amusement, and I lowered my head. “That you would wave Georgetown in front of her now like a peace offering, and everything would be forgiven?”
“Mabel, I know I’ve made mistakes, but all I’ve ever wanted was for Elli to be happy. I was afraid of what I would do if she was so close. Not giving her the chance to choose for herself might have been a bad decision at the time, but she was too young to understand what she was taking on. I didn’t want her to have regrets.”
“Do you think I don’t know you, Zachary? That I’m unaware of how your mind works? I raised you. Both of you. I know when you struggle. I know what hurts you. I know what brings you joy or terrifies you.” She sighed, losing steam. “And I know that your biggest fear of all is telling that girl you are in love with her, only for her to tell you she doesn’t feel the same.”
My head snapped up, my heart pounding in my ears. “She loves me. I know she does. She’s told me.”
“Yeah?” Mabel cocked her head. “And did you happen to tell her how you feel?”
Swallowing hard, I looked away.
“Like I said, a damn fool.”
I flinched. “She wouldn’t believe me now even if I tried to confess how I feel. Her trust in me has been broken. I need to give her time.”
“Sure. Time. How nice for you to have so much to spare that you waste it by not being happy with the girl you love.” Her voice cracked, and I realized exactly why she was upset.
Miss Lindy’s time was running out. Mabel had spent the summer watching her friend slowly losing the battle against cancer. I’d been told that Miss Lindy’s chemo treatments weren’t working. She had less than a year.
“I don’t want to waste time, Mabel,” I choked out. “Even now, I’m struggling because Elli isn’t in front of me. She’s the one who wants distance, and I promised her I would always give her what she wants.”
“All she’s ever wanted was you,” she said, her shoulders sagging slightly. With a grimace, she walked toward the coffee machine to start a pot. “The only reason she wanted Georgetown so badly was because that was where you went. She wanted to be a lawyer because of you. Her happiness is linked to you, Judge. But you’re too much of a coward to give her what she truly wants.”
Emotions made my voice raspy. “She already has me. She always has.”
“But she doesn’t know that, does she?”
Chapter 37
Ellianna
Rita was way too chipper in the mornings. Dancing around in the kitchen making her fancy avocado toast with a poached egg on top, sprinkled with everything but the bagel seasoning. Humming along to her playlist, with her hair tangled from sleep but still looking like she was ready for some sexy photo shoot.
I wanted to hate her so badly, but I couldn’t bring myself to find anything but affection for her. Especially when she placed a fresh can of ginger ale in front of me along with a slice of dry toast.
“You look queasy, beautiful,” she told me, nudging the plate of toast closer. “Little bites will help.”
She wasn’t wrong. I’d awoken feeling just as sick as I had the day before. I wasn’t sure what was worse, my broken heart or the intensity of my heartburn.
Picking up the drink, I glowered at the other woman. “Why do you have to be so perfect, Rita?”
“Aww,” she gushed, batting her lashes at me. I was ninety-seven percent sure they were the real deal. “Coming from you, that means a lot, sweets.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m so far from perfect, I’m in a different hemisphere from you.” Crunching on the toast, I followed her with my eyes as she buzzed around like a sexy bee, cleaning up after herself and occasionally taking a bite of her breakfast.
“You hush that delectable mouth right now.” Taking another bite of her food, she dusted her hands over her plate. “I figure you don’t want to stay with me, because hey, we both know you’ll try to rebound with me.”
I bit my lip to hold back the urge to smile. As if she knew that, she winked at me.
“And since you’re hell-bent on not going home, I have a couple of places lined up for you to look at today that are seeking a roommate. I’ve already vetted them all. One is a six-bedroom house just off campus.” She ticked off a finger as she listed the features of the residence. “The only issue I foresee is the bathroom sitch. No one has their own. The second option does have a private bathroom, but the rent is a tad higher and it’s farther from campus. I can go with you to check them out if you need me.”
“Rita, you’re amazing. Thank you.” I wiped my mouth with a napkin. “But you really didn’t have to do that. I swear I was going to look for a place today. And despite the mess I was last night, I can actually do things for myself.”
She waved me off. “Babe, I’ve seen you silence Judge with a look. I’m well aware of your capabilities. I’m just helping out my friend.”
Feeling the burn of tears in my sinuses, I ducked my head to hide my wobbling chin. “Thank you.”
“If I see one more tear spill from those pretty eyes, I’m going to kick Judge in the balls the next time I see him. And since I have a motion hearing with him Monday afternoon, I’ll be risking being held in contempt.”
“Yeah, maybe don’t do that.” Discreetly wiping my thumb under my eye, I laughed.
“Meh, it would be worth it.”
Someone called out, and Rita had to go in to cover arraignments. She was pissed she wouldn’t be with me to check out the apartment and house for rent, but I reminded her I was a grown woman.
After I left Rita’s, I called my mom. It was a cop-out, but I didn’t know if I could face her, and she’d already texted me three times to ask when I would be home because she wanted to talk.