She squeezed her eyes closed, tears rolling down her cheeks at the thought of their daughter, alone and wondering what happened to her daddy.
“She looks just like you, you know.”
“She has green eyes, not blue?” she asked, thinking of Granny MacLeod’s prophecy.
He smiled. “Big green eyes and auburn hair.”
“Is she by herself now?”
“I’m not sure, but time is different there. For her, it will feel like I’ve been gone seconds, not days.”
“What’s it like? Heaven?”
“I don’t know how to explain it really. It’s more of a feeling. It’s peaceful, a never-ending space filled with a warm, loving light. But I’m not sure it’s heaven. I feel like there’s something beyond us, other people too. Every now and then I’ll get a glimpse of—”
“Why? Why aren’t you in heaven yet?” she asked, angry at the thought Brad and their daughter were stuck in limbo. An innocent child and a good, heroic man deserved to be in heaven.
“It’s not a punishment. It’s just… I think it’s because I can’t let you go, and until I do, we’re stuck between heaven and earth.”
She searched his face. “It’s me, isn’t it? It’s because I’m stuck that you can’t move on.”
“It’s not just you. I didn’t want to leave you, Em. I fought as hard to live as you did last night. Don’t ever doubt that I loved you. I love you still, and because I do, I don’t want you to waste another minute mourning me. I want you to grab on to life and wring out every ounce of happiness from it that you deserve. For me, for our daughter, but most of all for you.”
She wasn’t sure how to move on without him, but for Brad and their daughter, she’d try. “I will. I promise.” She prayed it was a promise she could keep. “Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?”
He smiled as if he knew she planned to stay awake all night, drawing out every minute of the time they had left. On the other side of the door, she heard her brother, Bri, and Josh’s voices. She reached for her phone, turning on a podcast, to cover her whispered conversation with Brad.
They talked about the morning she’d lost him, the night she’d lost the baby, grieving the loss of their dreams and what might have been together. As difficult as it was to talk about, it was cathartic, an absolution of the guilt she’d been carrying for the past seventeen months. As they continued talking deep into the night about the happy times they’d shared and about her life in Highland Falls, Em fought to keep her eyes open. But no matter how hard she tried, they began drifting closed.
“I love you. Tell our daughter I love her too,” she whispered, a hot tear sliding down her cheek and into her hair.
The last thing she heard as sleep took her under was Brad whispering, “We’ll meet again, my love. We’re always with you. You carry a piece of us in your heart.”
Em awoke to sunlight streaming through the blinds, the sounds of voices, and the smell of bacon frying. She opened her eyes, searching for Brad before remembering he was gone. She buried her face in her pillow, muffling her sobs, wishing she hadn’t let him go, wondering how she’d ever keep her promise to him. But then she thought about what he’d said about him and the baby being stuck and rolled onto her back.
She had to figure out a way to move on, and she wasn’t sure how. The words fake it until you make it came to mind. But wasn’t that what she’d been doing for the past year? Pretending she was okay and moving on with her life when she really wasn’t. She hadn’t tried. She hadn’t wanted to. But Brad had given her a reason to.
She got up and looked at the rumpled sheets on her side of the bed, expecting, or at least hoping, to see the imprint of Brad’s head on the pillow. Some sign that he’d been here before all trace of him disappeared, but there was nothing. She ignored the niggle of doubt that none of it had been real and looked around for Gus. He usually slept in her bed until it was time to head to Cal and Bri’s. They must’ve let him out. She glanced at her phone on the nightstand, pressing her lips together at thought of Gus searching for Brad. Brad would’ve said goodbye to him too but how was a dog supposed to understand if she couldn’t?
She considered crawling back into bed and burying her head under the covers but her stomach grumbled. She’d have a shower and something to eat and then go back to bed and figure out a way forward. But she’d kind of done that last night when she’d asked Josh to set her up. Only she’d been planning to fake-date to keep Brad happy, to keep him here, and he was gone.
She reached for her phone to text Josh that she’d changed her mind. But then an image of Brad from last night reminded her of the promise she’d made. Except she’d promised to move on and be happy, which, as far as she was concerned, meant the last thing she should do was start dating. She didn’t need a man to be happy. What she needed was to get a life.
She groaned at the thought she’d have to give up eighty-hour workweeks and quiet nights watching TV with only Gus for company. She’d have to put herself out there, become more involved in the community. Ugh, she’d have to make small talk. Maybe she could just get a hobby. She decided dating might be easier, especially with Josh doing all the work. She put down her phone and went to take a shower.
The bed was made when she came out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later. She knew who was responsible when she spotted the vase of sunflowers on the nightstand. Bri had also opened the window, a warm, fall-scented breeze clacking the slats of the wooden blind.
Em opened her closet, pulling a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt off the hangers while staring longingly at her uniform. She had a feeling the chief would take her off this week’s rotation after her near-death experience.
She got dressed and wound her wet hair in a bun, holding it in place with a clip. Then she remembered what she’d looked like in the bathroom mirror and pinched some color into her cheeks before opening the door and heading for the kitchen.
Bri looked up from where she sat at the table, making notes and talking on the phone. She smiled and mouthed client. Em grinned at the two Pop-Tarts and bowl of Froot Loops laid out in front of the chair at the head of the table and gave Bri a thumbs-up. The bacon she’d smelled must’ve been for Cal.
She looked around for her brother as she pulled out the chair and took a seat. He must’ve left for work already. Pouring milk over her cereal, she glanced at the clock on the stove and nearly dropped the container. It was four in the afternoon!
“You’re making great progress. You should be proud of yourself. Thank you, but you’re the one who’s doing the work.” Bri nodded. “Yes, I’ll see you then. Thanks again for agreeing to a phone appointment. I will. I’ll tell her.”
“How is it four o’clock? Did the power go out?” Em asked Bri as soon as she’d disconnected from her client.
“No. You were exhausted. I checked on you a couple of times, and you didn’t move.” Bri searched her face. “How are you feeling? And I want the truth. You look like you’ve been crying.”
“Ragweed season. I’m allergic.” She scooped up a spoonful of Froot Loops and shoved it into her mouth.