“Because I’m not speaking from a tactical standpoint. I’m speaking as your mother. Your actions would have made sense for a mercenary. Or even another Watcher. But you’re not either of those things. You’re Nina.” Her voice gets soft, almost tentative. “My Nina. And that didn’t feel like you. Lately you’ve seemed …”
I can’t listen to my mother tell me who I am. Not after so many years of her deliberately hiding who I was, trying to keep me from becoming what mystical forces had chosen me for. I know she’s trying, I do, and I want her to try, but she has no right to make these judgments. I’m already raw and stinging from my encounter with Artemis. I open my mouth to snap something I know I’ll regret, but I’m saved by the door opening.
“Why is it so early?” Jade enters the room, trailing sleep like car exhaust in her wake. She slumps in the chair next to me. “Can’t we have these meetings in the afternoon?”
“Good morning!” Rhys is bright-eyed and perky, even his curls not flopping over his forehead. Doug joins us, sitting next to Jade, and finally Imogen walks in, bringing a tray of fresh pastries and fruit.
I’m immensely grateful my mother and I can’t keep talking now that our complete Watcher-Sanctuary Council group is here. Ruth Zabuto doesn’t care. Jessi only wants information if it affects the Littles. Tsip sometimes appears in the middle of the meetings, but disappears just as quickly. The tiny purple demons understand English but can’t speak it and were banned from the library after eating several irreplaceable volumes. It’s the only time I’ve seen Rhys look genuinely terrifying. He’s been trained to kill, like every Watcher, and he was a heartbeat away from ending their violet lives. Another reason not to tell him about Artemis.
Cillian is always invited, but he spends his mornings tending his shop in town. With his mom still gone on a months-long soul-searching trip, he’s got to keep it up in order to pay their bills. It sucks that he has to work to afford a house he barely stays in now, though.
Rhys runs through the morning itinerary. Finances—always tight, but okay for now. Task assignments. I imagine where Artemis would be slotted in, but it hurts, so I stop. Rhys moves on to a review of those with invitations for Sanctuary entrance interviews.
“We can cross off the werewolf family.” I avoid eye contact with my mother. “They decided to go in another direction.” The opposite direction of wherever I am.
“Just as well. Children are expensive.” Rhys makes some notes, then talks with Imogen about how the kitchen food stock rotation is going, and whether she needs to add anything to our purchase lists.
“What about the chickens?” Jade asks.
“What?” Imogen frowns.
“That woman you were talking to on the phone about chickens. Are we getting chickens?”
Imogen’s frown slips into a slightly vacant smile. “Oh, right. I’m looking into it. Fresh eggs every day. And they’re better for you.”
Rhys makes a note. “Draw up a plan and we’ll review it.” It’s all very efficient and boring. The light in the library is warm and golden, dust motes winking in the air. I half expect Imogen to get up and begin our next lesson on demonology, or instruct me to translate a prophecy from Ancient Sumerian into Latin into English.
But we don’t do that anymore. It’s weird how suddenly and fiercely I wish I could be slacking off, copying Artemis’s notes, and heading to my little medical center to tidy up and organize. As much as I wanted more back then, it’s hard not to think about how much I actually had and took for granted.
Rhys clears his throat. “Which brings us to outstanding threats.”
“Outstanding like phenomenal?” Doug asks, frowning.
“Yes, all our phenomenal enemies,” I answer.
“We really do have some excellent ones,” he agrees.
I shrug. “We could do better. I mean, look at Buffy. Our enemy caliber is nowhere near hers.”
Doug pats my shoulder. “I have faith that you’ll get there. Give it some time. She’s had years to build up her rogues’ gallery.”
Rhys clears his throat in a decidedly annoyed manner. “Back to the subject at hand of outstanding as in still active threats. Any word on Sean?”
I stay very, very quiet, hoping Doug can’t smell my inner conflict. Artemis said the book wasn’t for Sean. Just because it has the same symbol as his tea doesn’t mean she’s working for him. It could be unrelated. Or she could be fighting him! Maybe that’s it. Artemis is taking out threats that might harm us. Imagining that makes me feel better. It does seem like an Artemis thing to do. Behind the scenes, making sure everyone is safe. She said she was doing it for all of us.
My mother shakes her head. “I send out feelers whenever possible, but Sean has been relatively quiet. And I’ve never encountered him or any agents working for him during my meetings off-site. Mind you, he’s still active. But his activities have never conflicted with our movements.”
Jade waves a hand lazily through the air. “If he’s not bothering us, why do we care? He only goes after demons, anyway.”
The awkward silence hangs in the air, a palpable weight. Doug shifts in his seat. “Oh. Only demons.”
Jade sits up straight. “No! Obviously I didn’t mean you. That’s different.”
“Love, it really isn’t.” Doug retracts his hand where Jade reaches for it.
“I agree with Doug,” I say. If Artemis is going after Sean, we need to stay out of her way. I can’t let the council decide to start investigating him. The last thing I want is for us to mess up Artemis’s plans and keep her away even longer. “But at the same time, we aren’t in a position to launch a preemptive offensive. And even if we were, I don’t know that we should. It’s not that I don’t think what he does to demons is wrong. I do. But if we start going on the attack, we’ll be right back where we used to be. Watchers and Slayers deciding who gets to live and who has to die based on archaic criteria. That’s not who we are. Who we want to be.” I remember how close I came to letting that mercenary fall, and twitch against a shudder. “Anyway, we chose to be a sanctuary. Not a militia. We’re better than that, right?”
Doug nods. He hates Sean, but all Doug wants in the world is happiness. He doesn’t have a predatory bone in his black-and-yellow body. Even his horns are rounded.
“So let’s come up with ideas for how we can help more demons and people.” Whatever Artemis said, this isn’t selfish. This is right.
“And werewolves?” Rhys adds with a raised eyebrow. He still doesn’t know why the family ran.
“Sure, whatever.”
“What about Slayers?” my mother asks. “I’d like to bring more in. Surely there are girls out there who need our help, or a support system. Even just a safe place to live. Do you know, your father lobbied to give Slayers a stipend for living expenses. He never could understand how with the expansive Watcher budget, we couldn’t find room to ensure that Slayers didn’t have to worry. It seems too much to ask that they spend every night patrolling and fighting the forces of evil and every day trying to provide for themselves. Though Buffy herself derailed any discussion of financial support when she refused to work with us. Still. Even before that, look at the conditions Faith Lehane had to endure. Is it any wonder she—”