“No, that’s fair.” I pat Jade on the shoulder. She flinches as though being touched hurts.
“Has anyone seen Doug?” She straightens, looking hopefully around the room. “I need to talk to him.”
I change the subject. I feel for Jade, but I’m also Doug’s friend. And if he wants out of the relationship, she needs to get over it sooner rather than later. It’ll be best for both of them. “So I got today’s schedule from Rhys—shoved under my door; I think he’s mad—and this morning I’m taking the new Slayers on a tour of the castle and assigning you castle defense and lockdown positions.” That still gives me the afternoon to go visit Cillian’s mother. I haven’t stopped trying to call Artemis either, but there’s no timeline on that being successful, apparently. And at some point I’m going to have to break into the pantries to talk to Leo.
“What?” shrieks Taylor, her tray clattering to the ground behind me. “Castle defense? I thought this was supposed to be a safe space!”
Jade stands up. “Clearly someone has never researched Watcher history. I’m making bombs in the weapons shed, so be sure to knock. If you see Doug, tell him I want to talk to him.”
“Did she just say she’s making bombs?” Cillian watches Jade walk away with wide, worried eyes.
“Is everyone here very stoned?” Maricruz takes Jade’s place. “Because if so, it’s rude not to share.” She tugs Taylor’s arm and forces her to sit down too. “What’s going on today?”
I give them the basics. It doesn’t go over well. Cillian slides in to detail lockdown procedure. Taylor pulls on the ends of her blond ponytail, face flushed and breathing coming fast. She’s on the verge of a panic attack. I have some things to help soothe her in my medical center. Xanax, kava, even some Rescue Remedy for the most natural option. I think I’d go that route with Taylor.
This flash of old Nina hits me hard, and I close my eyes. I’ve felt so removed from myself lately. And even now, most of my mind is on my other plans, when this—finding someone who needs help and giving them that help—is exactly what I wanted to do. What I wanted to make.
I flex my fingers, make fists. I will beat everything back into submission. I can. I’m strong enough, I know I am. I’ll fix it all. I’ll talk to Leo and figure myself out. I’ll talk to Cillian’s mom and get information. And I’ll talk to Artemis and get that book back and maybe—maybe, maybe—get her back too.
Cillian has finished filling them in. I’m impressed. He’s really stepped up to become part of the castle. Taylor, however, is trembling like a reed in the wind. “Wait, why is so much of the castle defense plan centered around protecting a demon? If someone came here just for this Doug guy, why would we all risk ourselves to protect him?”
We made these specific defense plans under the assumption that, at some point, Sean’s going to make a play to get his prize moneymaker back. “Doug put himself on the line at Von Alston’s so I could help you all. I would no more turn you back over to someone hunting you than I will betray Doug. I’ll fight to the death for both of you. If you can’t accept that, you can leave.” It comes out harsher than I intend. I take a deep, steadying breath. “You don’t have to fight. I wouldn’t ask that of you. You always have a choice here.” It’s the only thing I can offer her, the thing that all Slayers were denied. A choice.
“What are our options?” Maricruz’s wide-set eyes are steady, but I can see the tension around them. I have no idea what these three went through, fighting at Buffy’s side. I can only imagine.
“If you really don’t want to be part of it, you can leave. I don’t want you to go, though.”
“Maybe we’ll be safer,” Taylor says.
“We are Slayers,” Chao-Ahn says. “Nowhere is safer than anywhere else. At least here we are not alone.”
I nod at her. “We can assign you to the Littles. Their rooms are so far out of the way, and there’s nothing in there anyone would want. Plus, you’ll be with Jessi, and she’s scarier than anything that might attack us.”
“So we’d hide?” Maricruz doesn’t seem any happier about this option. I can see the tension in her, and I know exactly what she’s feeling. She’s a Slayer. Even when she doesn’t want to fight, it’s hard to deny the instinct.
“You’d protect. The Littles and each other.”
She nods, reluctant. Taylor still seems extra on edge, so I decide our first stop on the castle tour will be the medical center, where I can give her some natural anxiety reducers. I don’t have anything powerful—I’m not a psychiatrist or a real doctor—but something’s better than nothing.
The tour takes way too long. I show them the grounds, avoiding the shed where Jade is apparently making bombs. I always wondered what she’d be like if she weren’t sleeping all the time. This was not on my list of possibilities. We visit the gym, where Doug is hanging out. It’s a clever place if he wants to avoid Jade, who has always avoided the gym. Taylor doesn’t disguise her glare. I shoo them out, but Doug holds up a hand for me to wait.
“I overheard her this morning when I was passing the kitchen. And she might have a point. If me being here makes everything more dangerous …”
“Nope. You being here is exactly the point of everything. You’re not going anywhere, and no one is taking you. Ever.”
Doug nods, then sniffs, then looks confused. “Why—why do you smell so happy all of a sudden?”
I shouldn’t be. I have a looming conversation with Leo once I can ditch enough people to make it happen, and I’ve started texting Artemis because maybe she’ll respond to that, then I have to go visit Cillian’s mother to find out more about this potential baddie. But last night, when I was drunk, I decided to use some of my ill-gotten funds for a good cause. I can’t keep it secret anymore. “Guess what we’re doing next month?”
Doug lifts one patch of cracked skin where an eyebrow would be. “Inventory. Training. Housebreaking the tiny purple demons.”
“Eew, no. I got tickets to Coldplay.”
The sound he makes doesn’t register on any human scale of notes. He rushes to me, throwing his arms around me and spinning me in a circle. “You didn’t! You didn’t!”
I laugh. “I did.” To prove to him, and myself, and everyone else that we’re okay. We’re normal. Nothing bad is going to happen to any of us. Including knucklehead Leo. I got a ticket for him, too.
“But how did you get the money?”
“Von Alston is treating us from beyond the grave.”
Doug’s smile is even better than a hit of his artificial happy. “You’re a good friend, Nina. Whatever it was that brought us together—fate or demonic power object or luck or—”
“My mother?”
“Or your mother, I’m glad it did.” He hugs me again, and I rest my head against him for a few heartbeats. If I were a bad person, if I were all the way broken, Doug would know. He wouldn’t be my friend. Leo will give me answers about the darkness of my power, and we’ll figure it out, and everything will be fine.