“Thank you.”
Instead of searching for my father, I walked to the music room and shut the door. What I needed was my lake. Or at least to be outside. But outside held nothing but a garden too formal to enjoy and a gurgling river that was more annoying than peaceful.
I had to get away. From Lord Williams, from his mother, from his house, and his life.
Yet would this not be my life if I answered Mr. Northam’s letter? Hours spent with my head against a window, with no one for conversation but the servants unless Mr. Northam or a kind neighbor came for a visit? I would be isolated and alone.
While Edward’s actions had left me feeling abandoned, I had never truly been alone. I had always had Daniel and Alice for entertainment and Louisa for confidences.
Yet if not Mr. Northam, then who? What other choice did I have if I wished to be free from the deception, from Lord Williams, from my own foolishness—free from of all of this?
Grabbing one of the songs I had set aside, I sat at the piano and worked my way through the scales and arpeggios, aching to bury the reality of my situation.
An hour later, the door opened. “Margaret?”
I stopped playing. “Father.”
“Lord Williams mentioned I might find you here. Did you wish to speak with me? Is everything all right?”
I almost said yes. It would have been so easy to pretend with a false smile and a nod that I was fine. But if I was to leave, I could not pretend for my father. “I cannot stay here. It is too awkward, too embarrassing, too—” I couldn’t say painful or dangerous. My father wouldn’t understand. “Please, isn’t there any other place we can go?”
He walked up and put his arms around me. “We cannot leave so soon after arriving. What would Lord Williams think of us?”
“It no longer matters what he thinks of us. Besides, he cannot regard me with any less esteem than he already does.”
He sighed. “Perhaps you are right. But we must await word from your mother. Tomorrow would be sufficient time for Alice to be well again. Then we can simply return home.”
If the post came early, by tomorrow night I could be home. Home to my lake. Home to my family.
But I would still have to determine what to do about my future.
Twenty-Six
Lady Williams again invited me to join her the next morning, insisting that Mrs. Hargreaves would be her only visitor and that she had taken such a delight in my company yesterday.
Mrs. Hargreaves’s delight undoubtedly had more to do with my not being related to Lady Cox than with any merit I could claim of my own. But as the post had not yet arrived, I would be in the best position to receive any news if I remained near Lady Williams. And I could escape Lord Williams. “Yes, of course.”
We retired to the same room as the day before. Within moments Mrs. Hargreaves was announced.
“Ah, Miss Brinton. I am so glad you decided to join us again this morning.” She sat where she had before, but leaned toward me so that we were quite close. “You mustn’t pay any heed to Miss Perrin.”
“Mrs. Hargreaves,” I replied, determined to put an end to whatever ideas she held regarding Lord Williams and me. “I thank you for your concern, but as I expect our stay will be of very short duration, I do not believe I need be concerned with Miss Perrin at all.”
“You are leaving soon?” Mrs. Hargreaves asked with a frown.
“We await only news of my sister’s recovery. It was never our intent to visit, except my sister became ill and we found it necessary to be away for the sake of my father’s health. Lord Williams graciously offered his home.”
“Of course he did. I know all about it,” Mrs. Hargreaves said, patting my hand.
She couldn’t know all the details. Not how Lord Williams had almost caused me to regret my decision. Nor how similar he was to Edward. And especially not how I ached for word from home, how empty I felt wandering the large house and grounds.
“Perhaps,” Lady Williams said, “you had not heard that the Browns have decided to vacation in Bath this year. Such a long, expensive journey for a clergyman. But his lady’s health has been on the decline ever since winter.”
“I had heard,” Mrs. Hargreaves said. “It is old news, Clarice. But I catch your intent, and so shall leave off teasing Miss Brinton.”
“I doubt you’ll do any such thing,” replied Lady Williams.
“I hope you are not teasing Miss Brinton,” Lord Williams spoke from the doorway, hat in hand. “Though if it is a matter of some humor, I should like to hear it.”
Did the man turn up every morning for his mother’s visitors?
Sundson followed him into the room. “The post, your ladyship.”
I sat forward.
“Thank you, Sundson,” Lady Williams said as he held out a silver tray with three or four letters on it. She picked up each letter individually. At the last one, she hesitated, glanced at Mrs. Hargreaves, then said to me, “There’s something for you, dear.”
I jumped up. “Thank you.”
The letter was from Louisa. Taking the letter a little distance away, I opened it and glanced over it quickly, then paused and read over it again.
“I hope it is not bad news?” Lord Williams asked.
“I—Alice still has a fever but seems to be getting better.”
“That is good news,” Lady Williams said.
“What else does it say?” Lord Williams asked quietly.
What did it matter to him? What did it matter to me if he knew? He may have caught me off guard, but I was not deceived in him any longer. I would not be hurt by him. Let him see that for all his effort, he’d failed.
I handed him the paper and saw the moment he read the words in the way he stilled. Mr. Northam called. I can see why you like him, though Daniel is furious. He refused to tell Mr. Northam where you were. Do you think he’ll come looking for you there?
Lord Williams handed the paper back, his gaze meeting mine. “I am glad your sister is recovering.”
“And the other news?” I asked, my voice low to keep our conversation private.
“You already know my thoughts on that subject.” His voice was as quiet as mine, but his tone was dismissive.
“Yes.” I refolded the letter. I had meant to be strong in letting him read it, to show him that the past week had meant nothing. But it had meant something. Just not to him. My words came out barely above a whisper. “I do know your thoughts.”
His brow furrowed.
“Gregory,” Lady Williams said, “are you joining us again this morning?”
Sundson reentered. “Lady Cox and Miss Perrin.” Lady Cox bustled in, Miss Perrin following in her wake. I took the opportunity to step away from Lord Williams.
“Ah, I see everyone is here,” Lady Cox said.
Lord Williams bowed his head. “Unfortunately I was just leaving. I have some business on the northern corner of the estate. Mr. Brinton is riding out with me. We shall be away until dinner.”
“You will be showing him the garden?” Lady Williams asked.
“Of course,” Lord Williams replied.
Lady Williams nodded. “Miss Brinton, have you seen the garden yet? It is one of my favorite places on the estate.”