‘No it isn’t,’ Jamie said, affronted. ‘Sometimes I think your opinion of me is as bad as everyone else at this company.’
Laurie exhaled and long-suffering-smiled and let herself be led on to the floor, feeling the many eyes following them.
Prince’s ‘Purple Rain’ was starting.
‘Are you good at slow dancing?’ Laurie said, with difficulty over the music. ‘I’m never quite sure what to do.’
‘I think it works like this.’
Jamie put one arm round her waist, and placed her hand on his shoulder. With their free hands, they held hands. The moment her fingers closed round his, she felt a jolt of something, an aliveness where she was acutely conscious of every point of contact between their bodies. His palm slipping towards her hip bone, the fabric of his shirt and his shoulder muscle underneath her fingertips. The light pressure of her corseted chest pressed against his – it was completely U Rated, Family Friendly and yet somehow, the sexiest thing Laurie had ever experienced.
She couldn’t look him in the eyes, and laid her head against his chest, breathing their closeness in. Laurie had been in proximity to Jamie numerous times yet there was something in this moment, this sustained embrace, it forced her to face chemistry she’d been assiduously avoiding.
They were consciously creating the closing credits to their story, the one that started in a broken lift. How should it end? Should she turn her head upwards, tilt it slightly, and finally kiss him, before the stage curtain fell?
But how would she know he had genuinely wanted to kiss her? Did she want someone to pretend to want to kiss her, however well he did it?
I only wanted to be some kind of friend
Even the song seemed to be speaking to them, a sense of something spinning off its axis, going awry. She couldn’t see Jamie’s face, or judge if he was feeling anything like what she felt.
When they broke apart at the end of the song, she looked up at him in wonder to see if his face held any clue, and he was looking back at her with a completely intent, lovestruck expression she knew she’d try to hold on to in her mind’s eye until her dying day. You didn’t get many of those looks, in a lifetime.
‘I need the loo,’ she mumbled, breaking away before Jamie could say anything, picking her way through the increasing Christmas party carnage to the ladies.
On her way, she passed Dan, who looked like the time on the caravan holiday when he’d found rat droppings in his Coco Pops box after eating them for four days.
‘Hi!’ Laurie said, and swept onwards before he could reply.
Slow dancing with Jamie, and it hadn’t even occurred to her whether Dan was witnessing it.
What would success feel like to you? She could finally answer that: self-respect.
It felt like not caring anymore.
She washed her hands in cold water and looked at her face in the mirror and tried to make sense of why three minutes of clinging to Jamie Carter like a koala had left her in this state. Alcohol, Prince, him looking great in a black suit, these were factors. They didn’t add up to the full answer. She balled a paper towel in her hands.
A toilet flushed and Megan came out of a cubicle, looking as dumbstruck to see Laurie as Laurie was to see her. She stood perfectly still for a second.
The only noise was the burble of the music beyond a thick wall, and the dripping of a tap.
‘I didn’t think I’d ever be this person,’ Megan said, eventually.
‘Neither did I,’ Laurie said. ‘And I didn’t have a choice about it.’
She threw the paper towel into the bin, and left Megan standing there.
When she returned to the main hall, she could see Jamie at a distance, chatting with a good-looking girl from another table, and wanted to wolf howl with possessiveness. She felt a wash of confusion, yearning and rivalry.
He thought he was falling for Eve, but no one would hold him back for long, would they? He was no doubt constitutionally incapable of monogamy.
Laurie wouldn’t do this, she refused to do this. She wouldn’t break her own heart, in the style of a raving idiot. Jamie Carter was sold as seen, she had no cause to criticise him for being who he was, and she was glad of that. She wanted to keep liking him.
She backed out of the door and through an ante room and she was in blessed fresh air, albeit blessed fresh air that was going to feel Arctic within seconds.
‘Hello, again,’ said a friendly giant in a kilt.
‘Hello, Angus from Experian,’ Laurie said.
‘Hello, Laurie the lawyer. What are you doing out here?’
‘It got too much. Briefly.’
‘I know what you mean. The lass I was seeing until November is tonguing Duncan from Complaints. I wonder if he’ll listen to my complaint. How about you? What got too much?’
‘Ah, tricky. My ex of eighteen years is here with his pregnant girlfriend. Always going to be challenging.’
‘Woah,’ Angus said, ‘That’s some deep water. You’re single?’
‘Single,’ Laurie said. It now felt natural to say it. Even positive.
‘That won’t last long. You’re crazy pretty,’ Angus said. ‘You look like the girl out of Corrie. Or was it Emmerdale?’
‘Angela Griffin,’ Laurie supplied.
‘Oh my …! How on earth did you get there that quick?’
Laurie laughed. ‘Because when you’re half black, black-ish, everyone has the same five reference points for you. I’m collecting them. I’ve had Missandei from Game of Thrones and Marsha Hunt already this year. What’s funny is none of them look remotely like each other.’
‘Shit, sorry,’ Angus said, and she winced: he was obviously a benevolent character.
‘No no, I’m flattered!’
‘Better than who I get. Alex Salmond, usually.’
Laurie hooted. ‘Not true.’ She paused. ‘Singlehood. I’m quite nervous about the idea of being with someone new.’
‘It’ll be grand. Like riding a bicycle.’
He had a friendly face, a kind face. Was Jamie going to go home with that girl?
‘You’re so pretty,’ Angus repeated.
‘Thanks.’
Angus leaned down and put his mouth on hers, and Laurie only processed she was about to be kissed, once the kiss had begun. She responded at a delay, feeling as if she was standing outside herself and observing what it was like with someone unfamiliar, who moved their mouth differently. It was neither unpleasant nor that great, she decided. One milestone passed though. The first kiss after Dan.
A coughing, right by them, and they moved apart. Jamie was watching them, holding Laurie’s coat.
‘Shall I get you your taxi? Looks like you’ve had enough,’ Jamie said, and with his tone of voice, Angus said, ‘Right ho,’ and made himself very scarce, very fast.
Jamie whisked Laurie round the corner, propelling rather than holding her, and when he was sure they were alone, said: ‘What the actual fuck? Remember the whole thing about no cheating during our dating? It being a humiliation for the other person? And the Christmas party being kind of important?’
He looked utterly furious and Laurie found herself stuttering apologies.
‘Seriously, outside the Christmas party? Are you for fucking real?’
‘Sorry,’ Laurie said hanging her head like a naughty schoolgirl. ‘I’m really sorry. I didn’t think.’