‘Bharat’s hilarious, isn’t he?’ he said, over an afterwork dinner with Amaretto Sours at Rudy’s Pizza on the Thursday before Christmas. ‘Really witty. Wasted in med neg, he should be doing Graham Norton’s job. Though to be fair he’s stunningly good at the lawyering.’
‘It’s his incisive arguments, absolutely nothing gets past him,’ Laurie agreed, wiping the dough dust from her hands. ‘He sharpens his teeth daily on Di. He should be fictionalised in a series starring Aziz Ansari.’
‘I was wondering,’ Jamie said, ‘Would you declare it the naffest thing in the world if I changed my profile on Facebook to the one of us in The Ivy? I know it was a construct and all that at the time, but it’s still a lovely one of you.’
Laurie laughed. ‘We spent forty-eight hours with each other last weekend during which time I think the only thing we wore was a smile, and you’re politely inquiring if I’ll find a picture too much?’
‘Look, grandma, where I come from, a joint profile photo is a big step, OK. I might even caption it with a heart emoticon. That makes us legally married on social media.’
‘Do it,’ Laurie said. ‘I am happy to be social media married to you.’ Jamie tinkered with his phone and held it up.
‘I don’t want you to think it’s anything to do with my promotion meeting tomorrow!’ he said.
‘Hah! I’d forgotten about it.’
‘Would you believe it that I’m not that bothered if I get it anymore?’ Jamie said.
‘Not really,’ Laurie said, making a mischievous, tongue-lol face.
‘Hey, it’d still be amazing. But it turned out this wasn’t about finding the treasure; it was about the friends I made along the way.’
The following morning, Laurie returned from a decent sized win at court, checking her watch. Jamie would be in with them now.
This was the final shitstorm they’d have to weather, if he got it – Michael, for one, would be apoplectic. She’d do it, for Jamie. She was proud to know him, too.
Bharat met her in the doorway of their office, and looked so upset that Laurie feared there’d been bad family news. Di looked no less concerned.
‘What is it? Who died?’
‘Here, look.’
Bharat swung his mouse from side to side to wake the screen.
The email, cc all staff, was titled: ‘FYI: It Was All Bullshit, From The Start.’
To: all
From: [email protected]
Hi!
As discussed here’s how I thought the arrangement might work. Obviously feel very free to say either, no, these are the ravings of a lunatic, or suggest any guidelines of your own.
As said, we’d start next weekend (how you fixed to take a photo in a bar, early doors Saturday?) and then run it up until Christmas …
‘Right,’ Laurie said, taking a deep breath, in shock and a light sweat. ‘So what happened was …’
Who sent this? And today?
Kerry put her head round the door.
‘Laurie, Mr Salter wants to see you. This minute, please.’
Laurie hard-gulped and followed her across the landing, past the lifts to his office. After she knocked and was told ENTER, she saw that Jamie was already standing there. He gave her the merest glance and looked away again.
‘Hello, Ms Watkinson,’ Salter said. ‘Sit please. An email chain has been brought to my attention between yourself and Mr Carter that suggests that the pair of you have been pretending a romantic liaison for effect, is that correct?’
‘Yes,’ Laurie said. She didn’t think lying was a remotely good idea at this point, and even if she did, she’d had no time to think of any.
‘Can you explain to me, why you did this?’
‘I …’ Laurie threw a look at Jamie and Salter bellowed ‘DON’T LOOK AT HIM PLEASE, I AM ASKING YOU!’ making Laurie jump out of her skin. She’d never seen him this angry.
‘I’d been left by Dan Price, for another woman, who he’d got pregnant. I was in the situation of still having to work with him here. I wanted to make him jealous, to get my own back.’
It sounded as tawdry and ridiculous as it was, repeated in this room.
‘Why was Mr Carter moved to help you?’
‘He …’ God, she couldn’t think of how to cover this up, ‘he wanted to apply for a promotion and felt it would better his chances if you thought he had a girlfriend.’
Laurie really hoped Jamie had already come clean. It was his only hope.
‘The fact you work in law, and this was a deception. That gave you no qualms?’
Laurie thought her only way to survive was self-lacerating honesty.
‘I told myself that it was my private life, nothing to do with my work and therefore had no bearing on my job. I am pretty appalled and ashamed at this now I stand back and look at it from a distance, but the break-up had put me in a hyper state, I think. I wasn’t eating and I wasn’t sleeping much either. I was consumed by the pain of what had happened.’
‘Yet you knew Mr Carter was doing it for professional advantage?’
‘Yes.’
‘I don’t think the hygiene of this being personal and not professional existed quite in the way you think it does. If you were involved in Mr Carter’s pretences, and you knew he wanted to be made partner as a result, you are an accessory to what he was doing. Are you not?’
‘Yes.’
A heavy silence.
‘Mr Salter. I have no idea if I am making things better or worse by saying this, but I don’t want to be involved in any more lies—’
‘A rather late arriving fit of conscience,’ he spat. She was going to be sacked. Surely.
‘Jamie and I are together. We became involved for real, some weeks back.’
‘You’re in a relationship now?’
Laurie said, ‘Yes,’ at the exact same time that Jamie said, ‘No.’
This was the first he’d spoken. Laurie stared in shock at Jamie.
‘Which is it?’ Mr Salter said.
‘We’re not,’ Jamie said, firmly, glancing at Laurie. ‘We had … crossed a line or two for authenticity’s sake, got a bit carried away. But we certainly aren’t together.’
Jamie barely met Laurie’s eyes, set his jaw and stared straight ahead.
Mr Salter saw all of this, she realised, as she turned back and his rheumy gaze came to rest on Laurie.
‘Alright, I’ve heard enough, Ms Watkinson. I feel severely let down by you, and by this. We had spoken in this office, on trust, which I believed was mutual. Consider this a verbal warning and if you do anything to piss me off in the foreseeable future, I might skip the written stage. Close the door on your way out.’
Laurie was desperate to speak to Jamie, to find what had happened, and she didn’t have to wait long.
A junior from the criminal department called Matt appeared in the doorway, and said, breathlessly: ‘Jamie Carter’s been sacked. Immediate effect.’
Laurie, Bharat and Di almost comically scrambled to get past one another and out to see what was happening.
A Roman amphitheatre of spectators had gathered on the second floor as Jamie exited the criminal office, holding a briefcase, his coat, and the umbrella that Laurie once remembered him jamming lift doors with.