I want to deny it at first. I want to find the will, the breath, the strength to shout out I’m not.
I’m not her…
But as he fucks me so hard his balls slap against my ass, fucks me so hard he’s smashing against my clit over and over again, I can’t lie to him.
Or to myself.
I like it. I like it so fucking much I explode and get swept up in pure liquid bliss.
“Ah… fuck…” he chokes out as my walls clench and lock down on him, trying to milk every drop of pleasure I can from his cock.
His stroke falters for a second and then somehow, someway, he’s driving himself into me even faster and harder.
Before my first orgasm ebbs, another wave of pleasure washes over me and it’s so overwhelming, so damn intense, I’m honestly terrified I might die from it.
I’m about to beg him to stop trying to kill me when he finally slows, swelling up inside me.
Throwing back his head, he groans out, “Allie… Goddammit, Allie,” as his cock pulses and pumps me full of warmth.
For a few brief, wonderful moments I’m free of his clutches. That dark, hungry thing that grew inside me seems to be sated.
I collapse against the bed, spent. Hoping he got what he wanted and he’ll leave me alone now.
Then he drops his chin down and his cock twitches inside me.
His eyes lock on my eyes and his lips twist with a grin.
Releasing one of my wrists, he reaches down, slides his fingers through my hair and tugs, forcing me to arch my neck. “Five years, Allie. It’s been five long fucking years when you told me two weeks.”
The dark, hungry thing reawakens inside me and I glare up at him, pissed because somehow he’s turning me on again.
He gives my hair another tug and I almost moan as his gaze warms and fresh tingles spread across my skin. “You’ve got a lot of fuckin’ time to make up for in this bed.”
Chapter Eleven
Coy
It’s the sound of my door that snaps me awake. I’ve been a light sleeper for the last five years. You don’t get to be the President of the Royal Bastards Louisville Chapter without making a few enemies from the outside, and maybe a few within.
That telltale quiet unlatching of the door has my hand sliding away from Allie’s heavy tit to the gun that’s stashed in a small wooden alcove between the bed and the wall.
All the happiness I finally felt flood through my mind vanishes as I hear the door slowly open to the dark night inside the house.
A tiny whisper breaks the silence. “Mommy?”
Shit. Dropping the gun back into the box, I slowly uncurl my body from around Allie.
It’s the other part of my soul that enters the room.
In our wild night of fucking and fighting, I knew Darlene would know enough to help me out and get him settled in. I should have done it myself, and I know that. Fuck. He’s probably terrified as it fucking is.
Levi’s trembling whisper comes again, “Mommy?”
Is he terrified of me? Or is he terrified of whoever the fuck Mikhail is?
My heart knows the answer.
It’s both.
Rolling gently away from Allie and feeling the warmth of her back leave my chest makes my mind throb with memories and anger. I should have been feeling her skin against me for the last five fucking years. Not the emptiness that consumed me.
“Levi,” I say quietly.
“Where’s Mommy?” he asks, his silhouette framed in doorway.
“She’s in here sleepin’ again,” I say as I move from the side of my bed to grab my boxers out of my jeans.
“Is—” he starts with a teary voice. “Is she okay?”
“Of course, buddy,” I say and yank my underwear up.
No need to traumatize the kid any further with seeing his old man naked and his momma fucked into a deep sleep.
“Really?” he asks with a touch of hope.
“Yep, she’s just really tired now. She must have had a hard day with all that cleanin’ and findin’ out things,” I say and walk over to where he’s standing.
“She drove all the way here. I slept lots, she drank lots of cof-kee,” he says.
“Cof-kee?” I ask.
“Yeah, that icky black stuff.”
“Oh, coffee,” I say and then squat down in front of my very own fucking son.
“Yeah, lots of that stuff. It smells bad, but she drank lots when we left Florida.”
My hands clench in anger as I think on his words. “Florida.”
“Yeah,” he says quietly.
“Couldn’t sleep?”
“Can I see mommy? Please?”
Shit.
“Yeah… Let me get… Just give me a second, buddy,” I say before hurrying over and snagging the blanket that’s fallen beneath Allie’s heavy tits.
Regretfully, I pull it over them.
I don’t get much of her covered before he’s crawling right up beside me and looking down at her face. His tiny hand reaches up and gently touches her cheek right as she lets out a loud snore.
Fuck, we both look at each other and get a case of the snickers.
Gently, I pull him away from her and look into his eyes.
“Hey buddy, do you want me to get ya tucked back into your bed?” I try to put emphasis on the word your but it doesn’t seem to work.
“I don’t want to leave mommy,” he says quietly, and I can see his little lip start to tremble.
“Fuck,” I grumble.
Wincing, he seems to shrink at my cussing. What the fuck? His little eyes look down and he turns away from me like he’s afraid I’m gonna hurt him. My heart fills with so much fucking anger, I can barely breathe.
My lungs want to exhale a scream of rage.
My son will never fear me, god fucking dammit.
Exhaling as quietly as I can, I lay down on my side of the bed with my back facing Allie.
Pulling the blanket up, I say, “Come here, Levi. You can stay with us tonight.”
“Okay,” he says, and I can feel his fear reaching deep down inside me and twisting my stomach in a knot.
He scoots so carefully to lay down on his side next to me, I can tell he’s scared as shit. He’s like a frightened dog who’s been whipped too many times to trust kindness.
Wrapping my arms around his tiny shoulders, I pull him back against my chest and take a deep breath. I can smell his scent. It brings a tightness to my chest. Anger and something entirely different fills me. I can’t think of the words, so I ignore it all and just pull him and hold him tightly.
“It’s okay, Levi. I’m sorry for cussin’. You don’t gotta be scared with me. I promise son, I will protect you,” I say quietly into his ear.
He doesn’t speak but he nods slowly against my chin.
We lay here for a long time, drifting through the night. At first, his body is as stiff as the cadavers I destroy. And I wish I could rip all his fears and worries away. Strip him of all the terror he must have lived through.
But I can’t.
I don’t know much about kids or how to be a father. I don’t know the magic that could fix whatever hurts my son has been through while he was livin’ without me. I wish I did. I’d fucking push every ounce of strength and love I could into his little body.