But I can’t, and it fills me with such an ache, I can’t even describe it.
Levi doesn’t fall asleep until I feel Allie roll toward us. Her breathing lightens enough that I can tell she’s almost awake. But when her hand first finds my shoulder and then the small form I have wrapped up against me, her breathing becomes deep and slow again.
Her fingers touch Levi’s small shoulder and stay there, wrapped up against us.
Allie’s touch works the magic I only wish I had. I hear his breathing finally deepen and slow.
And now that the three of us are finally together, everything else falls away.
A small giggle wakes me from a dreamless sleep I haven’t felt in years. A sleep I didn’t know I was missin’ until it finally claimed me so fully.
A rustle between my arms instantly brings my awareness right to the front as Levi’s little body wiggles against me.
“Why you gigglin’, boy?” I ask with a sleepy chuckle.
“You snore louder than mommy does,” he says with another giggle and then rolls around to face me. “Your beard is itchy!”
I can’t help but smile.
“Yeah, I’ve been growing it out some,” I say and look down into my son’s eyes.
They’re so full of life, so full of something I never see in the people that I walk amongst. I don’t know the word for it though, but deep inside my chest I can feel the vow to keep it there for him as long as I possibly can.
Nothing will ever hurt my boy again.
“I’m really hungry,” he admits.
Fuck!
“When’s the last time you ate, son?” I ask and hear a grumble coming from his little stomach.
“Darlene made me a peanut butter and pickle sandwich last night, but I’m hungry now.”
“Crap, I’m sorry, buddy. I thought she would have made you something good,” I say quietly.
Why the fuck did she make him that? I’m gonna kick her damn ass.
“It was good!” he says with a smile. “She made my favorite!”
I wince at the thought. “Dear god.”
That sounds disgusting.
“What do you think about bacon and eggs?” I ask after shuddering.
Another belly rumble is all I need to know on that subject. “Yes!”
“Alright, bud, you head to the bathroom. I need to roll these old bones out of bed,” I say and carefully lift off the covers.
“Okay!” he says happily, and it’s a huge fucking turnaround from the frightened boy that fell asleep in my arms last night.
Hopping out of bed, he rushes out of the bedroom, and I can hear his feet padding across the hardwood floors to the bathroom next to his bedroom.
Turning to lay on my back for a moment, I look over and see Allie sleeping peacefully. Gone from her face is the worry and exhaustion that was etched there last night. In its place, she finally looks at rest, like a burden has been lifted from her shoulders.
I doubt her peace and calm will last when she wakes, but for now I enjoy the little moment I get to look at my Allie Cat.
Moving the blonde hair from her forehead, I want to wipe away all the bruising that fucking bastard Mikhail caused, but I can’t. Again, I don’t have a magic touch to fix all the fucked-up shit in this world.
But I do have a fucking gun.
And that motherfucker is going to be tortured before I allow him death. I’ll swear to whatever fucking god or devil I must that I get to see him in the afterlife, too.
This Mikhail will belong to my murderous rage for an eternity if I have my way.
Pulling up the blanket that covers Allie to peek under it, I smile at the sight of her tight little body. Big tits and that sweet little pussy…
Fucking hell, I missed her.
I’d love nothin’ more than to roll on top of her and thrust my way back into oblivion, but I’ve got fucking shit to do.
And I’m bettin’ she’s gonna be sore as fuck this morning. Just the tightness of her pussy and the way she moved last night let me know she hasn’t had a dick like mine since me.
Rolling out of bed, I grab my jeans off the floor and yank them on. Then I head into the master bath to take a leak.
“And then the droid goes pow! He shoots the other droids in the heads!” Levi tells me as he continues his never-stopping story of how his favorite cartoon show goes.
“Really? What about the green guy with the sword?” I ask with a smile.
I never knew a kid could talk as much as he does while eating and not choke on his food. We’ve been sitting at this table for the last half hour and we’ve gone through a pound of bacon, six eggs, and a shit ton of toast. This kid just helps me eat it all. I can’t figure out when the fuck he last ate before last night, but knowing how much Allie cares for him, I’m guessin’ he’s just a growing boy.
He rolls his eyes. “Lightsabers!”
“Okay, okay,” I say, raising my hands up. “Lightsabers.”
He takes his fork and acts like he’s battling some invisible foe. “He does lots of jumps.”
“Wow, that sounds pretty cool,” I say as I watch him.
Levi may have started out a little shy after we both met up in the kitchen, and he was really worried about having some cheese in his scrambled eggs, but like father like son. He’s as animated eating as he is describing his favorite shows.
“What’s that stuff you put on your eggs?” he asks as I dump more hot sauce on the last of my scrambled eggs.
“Hot sauce,” I say as I stab my fork down and then cram it into my mouth.
Gotta have hot sauce on just about everything when it comes to breakfast. Shit’s bland if it’s not spicy.
He watches me chew and asks, “Can I have some?”
“Uh…” Well fuck, I mean it can’t hurt, right? “Sure, but only a little.”
“Awesome!” he cheers, bouncing in his seat.
Reaching over to his plate, I put a little dot of red sauce on his eggs and say, “Here ya go, son.”
He carefully puts his fork in his eggs and lifts it up to his mouth. “Mikhail wouldn’t let me call him Dad.”
I have to fight the urge to growl out, “Cause he’s not your daddy, I am.”
Levi should know that I’m his fucking father. How the fuck did all this fucking happen? I never once thought I had a fucking child out there.
I didn’t know, and it fucking kills me.
Looking at me seriously, he doesn’t say anything. I can see the little wheels in his brain working, but he’s keeping his thoughts to himself on this matter.
Sticking the fork in his mouth, he takes a bite and smiles at me for about five seconds before his face balloons bright red.
He gasps out in a small squeak, “Hot!”
Fuck.
“Shit, buddy!” I jump up and grab his drink, holding it up to his lips. “Drink, it’ll help.”
He takes a huge gulp of water and then squeaks, “It’s burning!”
Grabbing a piece of my buttered toast, I grab him by the chin and say, “Hold out your tongue!”
Sticking it out, he whines until I press the buttery side of the toast down on his tongue and cross my eyes at him. The giggle he gives sounds more like a cry when he does it, but he crosses his eyes right back at me.