He doesn’t stop me. He doesn’t call my name. He lets me go.
Once I get to the car, I sit there and wait for him to come out. I check my phone—and nothing. I thought maybe he’d text me to say he wanted to talk later, but he doesn’t. When the tears start to fall, I let them because I was stupid enough to allow this to happen. I knew it could go this way, that he wouldn’t want me the way I want him, but I wanted so much for it to be everything I dreamed of.
Problem is, dreams aren’t always reality.
Chapter Seventeen
Asher
Well, I fucked that up.
I shake my head as I fall into the nearest chair and cup my face in my hands. I’m freaking the fuck out. I hadn’t expected to see Ally so soon. I needed a little longer to process everything that happened last night. My reaction to Taco grabbing her. Aiden’s thoughts about what I am feeling and, ultimately, her lips on mine. I spent all night thinking and feeling Ally’s lips; sleep was forced because of the pain meds. Even when I was asleep, I was dreaming of her. I can’t seem to wrap my head around what happened, and I’m unsure why she kissed me. I want to believe she feels something for me, but for so long, we’ve just been friends. Never has she said she wanted more. Or even acted as if she wanted more. When did it change for her? What changed? I’ve always been irresistible. And now, I’m grinning because if Ally were here, she’d tease me.
Fuck, I guess I should have called and asked.
Problem is, I can’t shake these overwhelming feelings. Never in my life have I felt what I did when her lips pressed into mine. I know I was high on pain meds, but I swear it was her lips, the taste of her, and the way her hand held my jaw that made me feel as if I were flying. That I was completely hers. I’ve never tossed and turned because of how a girl made me feel. Especially from just a kiss. That’s all it was. A quick, mind-blowing, world-shattering kiss and I refuse to think of anything but that. The feelings that keep smacking me in the chest are suffocating and jolt me to my core.
So many questions swirl in my head. Does she care for me? As more than a friend? Or was she overemotional after all that happened? Do I want more? And if so, will we be as good as we are now? I can’t lose her. I don’t understand what I am feeling. I’ve done so well hiding my feelings all this time, but here I am. I am freaking the hell out.
The unknown is terrifying, but I sure as hell don’t like the way she looked at me just now. As if I didn’t care for her, worry about her feelings, or respect her—because I do. So much so, I’m in my head. There is a line, and I see it. It’s huge and red, and on one side is the great friendship we have. Where we joke, talk about absolutely anything, and we’re so comfortable together. Nothing matters but us, and we have a damn good time.
On the other side of the line are those kisses, touching her, and, ultimately, sex with her. Which, if she kisses me like that again, I might skip the touching and take her to the nearest surface. I really want to cross that line. It’s killing me not to, but my only worry is that what we have on the safe side won’t be on the other side. In reality, I want to break through the fucking line, wrap my arms around her, and kiss the living shit out of her.
I think I want to cross that line…if she wants to.
I lift my head. “Fuck, I need to see her.”
“Asher! Language!” Mom hollers at me. “What is wrong with you?”
I get up, reaching for the cupcakes on the counter, and throw another whole one in my mouth. I eat when I’m nervous, and going to the next step with Ally terrifies me. “I need you to take me to Ally’s dorm.”
She is incredulous. “She was just here! Why didn’t you go with her?”
“We had a fight. Ignore that detail, and come on.”
She gives me a dry look. “I don’t run on your time schedule, mister. Audrey and I are discussing something.”
I look to Audrey, who is grinning from ear to ear. “You’re going after her because you loooooovvveee her,” she says, cooing at me, and I give her an even stare.
“You don’t know that.”
“But I do. You aren’t the aggressive type—that all went to your sisters—so your actions mean something. You care for her, more than just this friendship theatrics you two have been putting on for so long, Slim Jim. Wait, I can’t call you Slim Jim?”
“No, you shouldn’t—”
She grins. “You’re right. You’re more of a beef stick now.”
Kill me now. I ignore my crazy aunt and look at my mom. “Can we leave?”
“We know it’s true,” Audrey says, leaning on her hand. “We all know the truth, wanna join us?”
I look at my mom, and she nods. “I’ve always known.”
I blink. Wasn’t expecting that, but I sure as hell don’t want to talk to them about this. I need to talk to Ally. “You guys are delusional. Can you take me? I forgot my phone at home, and I can’t call an Uber or, hell, Ally, for that matter.”
“So eager. He’s really in love.”
These two need to chill. I’m just now accepting I have feelings for Ally. Love. That’s a huge step in itself. I’ve never allowed myself to feel that for anyone, especially not Ally. It’s scary to realize that your person, your best friend, could be more. But I can’t stop thinking that, in an instant, I could lose not only my best friend, but more, if it goes sideways. My gut hurts, but I can’t let that hold me back. I need to go. I need to see her. I need her to help me figure this out.
I reach for another cupcake as my mom says, “Be sure you know what you’re doing, Asher.”
I look up at her. “What do you mean?”
“Taking it to the next level will change everything. Be ready to be all in because there is no other option. You can’t be friends with benefits. It’s either all or nothing.”
“Mom—”
“Ally isn’t Jasmine. Ally is already important to you. You don’t want to lose that.”
I feel as if I’m going to puke. “Are you trying to scare the shit out of me?”
She smiles sweetly. “Just being honest. If she goes to the next level with you, she will give you her whole heart. Are you ready to do the same?”
Am I? Shit, that’s terrifying. Fucking hell, I need to talk to Ally. “Can you take me now?”
Mom shares a look with her sister as if they know what I’m thinking and feeling, but she gets up. “Fine, fine. Let’s go.”
“Thank God,” I moan, but then my heart kicks up in speed.
I’m doing this.
Am I doing this?
I have no clue what I am doing.
Mom drops me off at Ally’s dorm, and when I see my car, my heart yearns.
“I miss you, Rocket,” I mutter as I head to the building. This no-driving shit is giving me anxiety. With my injury, Tony and Artie are very understanding. They’re giving me the week off to heal, but the thought makes me itch. I like working and keeping busy. I don’t need time off; I just need to be able to drive. Apparently, you can’t with one eye. Really, an unfair situation, but even so, I’d do it all over again for Ally. I don’t regret what I did. I know I didn’t think, I just reacted. But for her, it seemed natural.