She smiles through her tears. “I’d like that.”
“And while I promise I won’t ever give up on you, I need a promise you’ll share all your thoughts with me, even if you think they’re fucked up.”
Hooking her leg over mine, she says, “I promise.”
Thank Christ.
I need to make sure we stay tight while she’s on these damn drugs. They’re more fucked up than I ever imagined, and I’ll be damned if I allow them to ravage our relationship.
8
Birdie
* * *
“Tell me everything,” Cleo says late Friday afternoon when I call to let her know how I went at the IVF clinic this morning. I had to go in for a blood test and an ultrasound to check if my body is ready for the next stage.
“So my levels aren’t where they need to be yet, which means I can’t start stims yet.”
“Stims?”
I eye myself in the bathroom mirror, noting the breakout I’m having on my face. Goddam drugs. “Sorry, the stimulation phase. They call it stims.”
“Oh, right. Gotcha. Did Winter go with you?”
“Yeah. And Max came too.”
“What? Not into the ultrasound surely.” She sounds horrified at that idea, which makes me laugh.
“God, no. He waited outside. He only came with us because we were dropping him at the airport afterwards. But it was nice having him around, you know? I felt super supported with them both there.”
“Are you okay with the fact you’re not ready for the next stage yet?”
“Yes and no. I mean, I’m way past ready for it mentally, but you don’t need to worry about me losing my shit over not being ready physically.” Cleo and I talk every day, so she knows I’ve felt out of control since starting the fertility drugs. Like Winter, she’s checking on me regularly now.
“And everything’s good at work?”
I exit the bathroom and make my way to the kitchen. Winter’s at the clubhouse taking care of something that came up, and I’ve decided to cook him something he loves for dinner, so I want to get started on that soon. “Everything has gone really well. Andrea stepped up and took over more responsibility, which was a godsend.”
Andrea is the person I’ve been slowly training up to be my office manager, and this week she took charge of some stuff when she could see I struggled to take on extra Pilates classes and keep on top of all the admin work. It was perfect timing because now I feel confident to give her more jobs while I move further into my IVF cycle.
“That’s fantastic news.”
“How about you? How’s your week been?” We talk about me so much, I feel bad that Cleo maybe doesn’t get to share all her news.
“Besides being ready to kill Mark, all is good up here.”
“Oh man, what’s he done now?” Her husband is one of the best men I know, but he does have a way of pissing her off often.
As she relays his antics, Winter comes home and joins me in the kitchen. Placing his hand on my waist, he leans in and brushes his lips over mine. It’s a quick kiss and over too soon for me. Needing his presence for longer, I reach for his arm as he pulls away. “I love you,” I mouth.
His face fills with a smile and he kisses me again before saying, “I love you, too.”
“Oh my God,” Cleo shrieks, snapping my attention back to her. “The dog just peed on the carpet! Mark is gonna kill him. And me. I gotta go, babe. Sorry!”
Laughing, I say, “Go! Save Rocky’s life.”
The line goes dead, and I take in Winter’s questioning look. “Rocky peed on their carpet.”
He chuckles. “Mark won’t be happy.”
I love that Winter knows Mark as well as he does. The two of them hit it off straight away and have no trouble killing time together whenever the four of us catch up. “That’s an understatement.”
He wraps his arms around me. “You good, angel?”
It’s been two days since Winter declared we needed a daily check-in on my state of mind, and this is today’s. I like that we’re doing this. “Yes and no. Yes, because I don’t have a headache today and I feel okay, but no, because my face is breaking out.”
He searches my face, frowning. “Where?”
I point at my cheek. “There. How can you not see that?”
He looks again. “I can’t see it.”
My eyes widen. “It’s red and about to come through!”
“Jesus, Birdie, there’s barely anything there.”
“That’s because you’re a guy and blind. I’m telling you, I’m about to break out big time.”
“So besides the non-breakout on your face, you’re okay?”
I push him away. Bloody men. “It’s not a non-breakout. You’ll see. And yes, I’m okay.”
He gives me the look that says “You’re being dramatic” and shifts the conversation. “What do you want for dinner?”
“I thought I’d cook you silverside.”
“No, I’m cooking tonight. I can make that if you want or I could make something else.”
“Have I ever told you how much I love you?”
A smile teases his lips. “No, I can’t say you ever have.”
I love bantering with him like this. Since the night of his birthday when I admitted how crazy I feel on these drugs, things have been good. Lighter. And there’s been a lot more of this easiness between us. I should have opened up to him sooner about how I’m feeling, but I didn’t want to worry him when I know he’s already got so much on his mind with club stuff. He comes home some nights exhausted, and I know it’s not just physical. He’s mentally tired, too, so I try to keep things between us as uncluttered as I can. But he was right when he said we’re partners in this, so I’m sharing everything with him now, and that’s been the best thing for both of us.
Reaching for him, I hook my fingers into his jeans and move into him. “I love you, Winter Morrison, and don’t you ever forget it.”
Glancing down at my hand, he murmurs, “We could put dinner off and I could show you how much I love you.”
Bringing my other hand to his neck, I say, “I would love you to do that.”
His mouth meets mine at the same time his hands slide around to my ass and he lifts me up onto the kitchen counter. A moment later, my hoodie and T-shirt land on the floor, and Winter kisses his way down to my breasts.
I grip his hair. We haven’t had sex for nearly a week; his touch is everything I need. When he undoes my bra and loses himself in my body, I have to restrain myself from making this happen faster than he is. I may not have wanted sex for days, but holy hell I want it now.
He devotes time to every inch of my skin on his way down to my jeans. When he reaches his destination, he lifts his head and meets my gaze. “You good, angel?”
I’m overcome with love for this man at that question. At him loving me so much he’s checking in on me before allowing himself to have what he wants. Grasping his face, I pull him back up so I can kiss him. “I am so much better than good.”