“What? I got annoyed with her, but all I did is walk away. I don’t think that’s bad enough to warrant you giving me the scary dad speech again.”
“I’m not talking about you being annoyed with her.” He emphasized the word. “I’m talking about you sleeping with another woman.”
“What?”
He didn’t reply. Just raised his eyebrows.
I had no idea what he was talking about. “I’m not sleeping with anyone. I was sleeping with Hazel, we both know that, but obviously that’s never happening again. And you know, maybe that’s better for me anyway. I’m probably just torturing myself. But have you ever been with a woman who feels so perfect you wonder if anything in the world will ever feel good again if you’re not with her?”
His brow furrowed. “Yes, actually.”
“See? That’s the problem. She’s fucking amazing and this whole thing sucks.”
“If she’s so goddamn amazing, why are you fucking your neighbor on the side?”
“What neighbor? I’m not sleeping with—” I stopped and stared at him for a second. “Wait, are you talking about Paisley?”
“That sounds right.”
I cast a quick glance at the wall my apartment shared with hers. “You think I’m sleeping with Paisley?”
His jaw hitched and he raised his eyebrows again. This guy had a stare that could freeze your balls off. It was pretty impressive.
“Who told you I was sleeping with her?”
“My wife. She spent last Saturday evening consoling Hazel after she came here. Your neighbor answered the door in her underwear.”
“What the fuck?” I blurted out. “I didn’t know Hazel came over.”
“So now I have no choice but to—”
“No, what the fuck? I wasn’t sleeping with Paisley. I’ve never slept with Paisley. I probably would have in high school, but what seventeen-year-old kid knows what he’s doing when it comes to girls?”
Shepherd looked confused.
“But now? No fucking way. Paisley was here, but I turned her down. And you’re telling me Hazel came over?”
“You were apparently in the shower.”
“Oh god. What did Paisley say to her?”
“I’d assume she didn’t need to say much of anything, considering she was in your apartment half-naked.”
“Holy shit.” I raked my hands through my hair. “That’s why Hazel was so mad. That’s why she looked like she was going to cry, and why she said she can’t be my friend. She thinks I’m banging some other girl.”
“Indeed.”
“Oh my god, Shepherd, I’m fucked. This is a disaster. She’s wrong. This whole thing is a huge misunderstanding. And now… where is she? She’s running. She’s with your wife. Can you call Everly? No, that won’t work. They’ve been training their asses off for this, I can’t interrupt. What am I going to do?”
Shepherd watched me with that confused brow furrow. “I have no idea.”
“Come on, we’re smart guys, we can figure this out.”
“We?”
I stared past him, the trains of thought in my brain running full speed ahead. For once, they weren’t traveling in different directions. They were all in sync, and in an instant, everything was clear.
“I love her,” I said aloud, but I wasn’t really talking to Shepherd. It was more like talking to Erwin. I didn’t need, or expect, a reply. “I don’t know if she loves me, but I think she might, and I was too much of an idiot to see it. Molly was right, I’ve been getting in my own way. I have to tell her. That’s all there is to it. I have to take the risk and put my heart on the chopping block, even if that means she might obliterate it. But that would be better than losing her forever because we’re both too fucking stubborn and stuck in our own heads to say it.”
Shepherd slipped his hands in his pockets and his expression softened. Not by much. But maybe there actually was a human in there.
“I have to go.” I patted my thighs, looking for my keys, but I was wearing pajama pants with no pockets. And my keys were on the counter. “What am I forgetting?”
“Clothes?”
“Right. See, I knew you could help.”
I left him standing there and went into my bedroom. Threw on some clothes. I came out trying to tuck in my shirt, thinking about where I was going to find everything I needed, and whether I had enough time to pull this off.
“Ready?”
“Ready for what?” he asked.
“What time do you think they’ll be done?” I shoved my feet into my black Converse. “That’s okay, I can make some estimates on the way. Let’s go.”
He raised his eyebrows, his expression going from mildly confused to completely baffled. “Go where?”
“Come on, man, I don’t have time to explain.”
I swiped my keys off the counter, slid my phone in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet, and headed out the door.
38
Hazel
“The best way to be appreciative for your life is to live it; don’t die for any other reason but love. Dreams are what guide us, art is what defines us, math is what makes it all possible, and love is what lights our way.” ~ Mike Norton
My stomach churned with such a surprising amount of nervousness, I couldn’t stand still. Whether it was my own anxiety about the race, or the energy of the huge crowd, I didn’t know. Perhaps some of both. But the net result was a very unsettled stomach and a jittery sensation I couldn’t contain.
Thousands of people had turned out for the Soggy Seattle Half-Marathon. Despite its name, and Seattle’s reputation for rain, the sky was clear—not a cloud in sight. The temperature had dropped enough overnight that the early morning air was chilly and people blew into their hands, rubbed their arms, or jogged in place to warm up.
Members of the crowd ranged from serious runners in technical gear and specialty shoes, stretching their legs with focused expressions, to people in costume, each one more elaborate than the last. On the walk to the starting area, we’d passed women in frilly tutus, a bunch of frat boys with neckties around their foreheads, and people in solid-color bodysuits that covered them from head to toe. We saw runners with funny hats and glasses, wigs or multicolored hair, a huge man in a bigfoot costume, and a group of at least twenty men and women with matching t-shirts that read Sloth Running Club… We May Be Slow But We’re Adorable.
My friends and I were decked out in the Dirty Martini Running Club tank tops Nora had made, our race numbers pinned to our shirts. Although we hadn’t planned to match the rest of our attire, we all had our hair in ponytails and had paired our tank tops with either blue or pink shorts. Blue for me and Sophie, pink for Everly and Nora.
As predicted, we looked fabulous.
But the most fabulous runner award had to be the peacock man. He was tall with a spiked purple and teal mohawk that matched his bright teal bodysuit. A fan of enormous peacock feathers was attached to the back of his costume and it rustled in the breeze as he strutted around the starting area. I didn’t know how he was going to manage to run the entire distance in such an elaborate costume, but it did look impressive.