“Wow,” she breathed out on an exhale when I was finished.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “I really need to stop drinking so much before sleeping with that woman. It’s becoming a habit.” I chuckled and shook my head at the absurdity of it. I rarely drink, and her experience with alcohol was clearly limited. What was it about spending time together that made us succumb to booze? Was it the need for bravery, for an excuse to act on the obvious attraction?
But Dr. Travetti didn’t seem to care much about that. Instead, she focused on the bigger elephant in the room. “How do you feel about her having a child?”
“That’s a tough one, Doc.”
“I thought it would be,” she sympathized. “Do you want to talk about it, or are you purposely avoiding the topic?”
I shook my head, drooping forward against my knees. “I’m not avoiding it. I’m just …” I scrubbed a hand over my chin and met her gaze. “She declared us as a we. Like, together.”
A soft smile shaped her lips. “That’s wonderful, Blake.”
“Yeah, and I’m cool with that. I actually want that. I don’t know why I want it, especially with her, but I fucking do, you know? And I had thought, hey, she could be my weekend girlfriend. We could do shit together when Jake isn’t around, when I have some time off work or whatever. We could date.” The word rolled against my tongue and I enjoyed its taste.
“Then, this shit drops in my lap, and, Doc …” I shook my head slowly. “I was pretty annoyed, let me tell you. Like, she should’ve told me that shit, right? I never thought of myself as someone who could handle kids, you know?”
Disappointment overshadowed her features as she said, “I can understand that, but, Blake—”
“No, hold on,” I stopped her. “I talked it out with her, Doc. You would’ve been so fuckin’ proud of me. I had started to get defensive, I could feel it happening, but she wouldn’t let me leave until we talked it out.”
I thought the good doctor would weep as she nodded. “Blake. You might be my best success story yet.”
Barking with a laugh, I said, “Hey, don’t get too excited. Maybe it was a fluke, I don’t know. And besides, it was pretty hard for me to stay annoyed when I was thinking about that awesome little kid with his Daniel Tiger t-shirt and Legos.”
“What’s his name?” she asked softly.
“Freddy.” I smiled, remembering his tough guy attitude. Remembering the things she said to me on her front porch. “She’s a teacher raising this cool little kid. She goes out, has a life, and comes home to be a mom.”
Something startled the good doctor then. Her gaze widened for a moment, her lips parted, and I thought I heard her gasp. I asked what was wrong and she gave her head a gentle shake. “Nothing. It just reminded me of someone I used to know. But anyway, it sounds like you two have a lot more in common than you thought,” Dr. Travetti commented thoughtfully, and I hummed in reply, shaking my head.
“But see, that’s where you’re wrong, Doc. This girl has never let crap get in the way of her living her life. Her family has dealt with shit, she had a kid, and she still goes out on weekends, and gets inked and drunk and goes after the bitter bastard she likes. She handles shit. She doesn’t whine about things, she doesn’t let them get in her way. She just deals with it and lives her fucking life.”
“I see,” she replied. “So, you admire her.”
“Hell yeah, I do. ‘Cause while she’s there, handling the shit in her life with patience and a smile on her face, what am I doing? I’m over here, thinking I need to get rid of Jake in order to move forward in my job or to have a girlfriend.”
It had been a couple of hours since I went to Shady Acres with my parents and Jake, and the thought of even considering the place bubbled in my gut and left me nauseous. And I admitted as much to the good doctor. “I thought it’d be a good idea,” I explained helplessly. “And it’s a nice place, don’t get me wrong, but …”
“But what?”
I lifted my gaze to hers and admitted, “I want him to move in with me. I mean, in some ways, it’d be more difficult than it is now, but I think he’d be happier. And it would cut down on our time in the morning. We wouldn’t have to wake up as early, and he’d be closer to his school. Plus, I do everything for him now as it is. If he lived with me, I wouldn’t get home so fucking late at night. It just …” I shrugged, suddenly feeling like a moron, “I don’t know, it just kinda makes sense to me.”
The good doctor’s lips spread slowly into an encouraging smile. “I think that’s a great idea, Blake. Have you talked to your parents about this?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s something I’ve been thinking about, but this is the first time I’ve seriously said something to anybody. Honestly, I don’t even think they’d be okay with it. ‘Cause the thing is, all these years, I thought I was doing so much better than them. I thought that, because I had gotten him into a program, I was doing more for him than they ever did. But really, we were both just kinda brushing him off.”
“So, you have a plan to do better?”
“Yeah,” I nodded defiantly toward the ceiling, clenching my fists with determination. “Yeah, I do.”
***
“Hey, buddy, I’m just gonna make a call, okay?”
“Okay.” Jake nodded, sitting at the kitchen table with his pile of Legos as I cooked dinner. “In your room again?”
He was referring to my phone call with Shane, when I’d slammed the door to get away from him. I couldn’t feel guilty for taking a business call, but did I really want him to feel excluded from every matter in my life?
“No,” I said, pulling out a chair at the table and sitting down. “But try to keep it quiet, okay? I need to be able to hear.”
“Okay, Blake. I’ll be real quiet. Like a mouse.” Then, he dropped his voice down to a whisper and said, “Like this? Is this good?”
“Yeah, that’s perfect.” I chuckled and dialed the phone.
The anticipation to hear her voice was enough to kill me. Funny, when just a few weeks ago, I couldn’t get away from her quick enough. Now, I was running toward her like my life depended on it. And maybe it did.
“Hey, Blake,” Audrey answered, a smile in her voice.
“Hey.”
“This is the second time you’ve called me in three days.”
“You’re keeping count?”
She scoffed lightheartedly. “Duh. I mean, I might be a grown woman, but deep down, I’m still a girl who has it pretty bad for this really hot guy.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “You’re crazy.”
“Yeah, not so much. Remember, I’d never had anything but a Manhattan until I met you.”
“Ah, that’s right,” I nodded and leaned back in my chair. “I’m the bad influence.”
She hummed contemplatively, and the sound brought me back to Saturday night on her couch. I pulled in a breath, coaxing my body to calm down and to keep the blood from traveling south, but dammit, I wanted her again. I wanted her now.