I couldn’t help my chuckle, remembering Jake and our conversation about pancakes for dinner just a couple of weeks ago. The sound alerted Audrey’s mother to my presence, and she gasped, laying her hand over her chest as she peered into the apartment.
“Oh!” she exclaimed and pinched her eyes shut. “I’m so sorry. I thought … Audrey, I thought you were alone. You should’ve said …”
Hurrying to stand, Audrey’s hands waved with protest. “N-no, Mom, it’s fine. Really.” Then, she turned toward me, extending a hand in my direction. “This is Blake. Blake, this is my mom, Ann.”
This is not what I do, I reminded myself, as I discreetly wiped my palm against my jeans and stepped forward. I extended my hand and said, “Hey, nice to meet you.”
Ann tipped her head back to take me in before slipping her hand into mine and glancing at Audrey. Using her other hand to shield her mouth, she muttered quietly, “Wow, he’s cute. I know you told me he was good looking, but he’s really cute.”
Audrey gaped at her mother and smacked her shoulder. “Mom!” she laughed, incredulous.
Releasing my palm, Ann casually shrugged. “What?”
Audrey glanced at me apologetically before turning back to her mom. “Uh, did you forget about Daddy?”
“I’ve been married forty years, honey. I’m faithful, but I’m not blind.”
Freddy, forgotten at his mother’s feet, eyed me warily as he tugged at her shirt. Now up close, I saw he must’ve been about four years old and was wearing a Daniel Tiger t-shirt and blue jeans. I couldn’t help but smile, suddenly missing my brother.
I pulled in a deep breath, raking back my sex-and-sleep disheveled hair. I took the initiative and knelt to the floor, making sure to look him in the eye. To give him respect and gain his trust.
“Hey, Freddy,” I said, extending my hand. “I’m Blake.”
He looked at my hand suspiciously. “You have tattoos,” he stated bluntly.
I turned my hand over and answered, “Well, what do ya know? I do.”
“You have a lot.”
I nodded my agreement. “Yes, that’s true. I do have a lot.”
“My dad has three tattoos,” he informed me, standing tall. “How many you got?”
I cleared my throat at the mention of his dad, wondering who he was and why I hadn’t heard about him. Hell, why hadn’t Audrey mentioned she was a mother at all?
“Oh, man, you know, I don’t know if I can count that high,” I told him, and Freddy scoffed, rolling his eyes.
“I can count to twenty.”
“That is pretty high,” I appraised, then winced. “But I think I have a few more tattoos than that.”
Freddy squinted his eyes at me and pursed his lips, holding tight to Audrey’s shirt. He was a tough guy, protective, and I knew I liked him.
“Do you like Legos?” he asked.
I nodded. “I’m pretty awesome at building Legos, actually. My brother’s a big fan.”
“You wanna see mine?”
With that, he headed into the apartment toward the stack of Lego buckets, and I stood back up to face the adoring smiles of both Ann and Audrey.
“Can I talk to you?” I asked Audrey in a low tone that I hoped spoke volumes.
Understanding immediately, she swallowed and nodded slowly. “Yeah, sure.” Then, addressing her mother, she said, “We’ll be right back, Mom.”
We stepped outside, moving from the foyer to her front porch, and with an opportunity laid out before me, I abruptly asked, “So, uh, when were you gonna mention you’re a mom?”
Audrey sighed, tucking her unbrushed hair behind her ears. “Blake …”
“Because, I mean, it would’ve been nice to know that before you pronounced us as a we,” I went on. “Or, did you just expect me to be cool about this? Like it wouldn’t matter to me after we’ve had sex a couple times?”
“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you sooner, but when I was supposed to bring it up?”
I scoffed, shaking my head. “Oh, I don’t know, Audrey. How about last week before we slept together? We were talking all damn night, you had plenty of opportunities. But okay, too soon, I get it. How about last night, then? Shane and Celia were both talking about their kids, you could’ve at any point mentioned yours. But,” I shrugged with passive aggressive and sarcastic flair, “maybe you’re right. Maybe there wasn’t a good time to mention such a minor detail.”
Audrey pulled in a deep breath and stated, “You’re annoyed.”
I leveled her with a glare. “Yeah. I am. But I’m not annoyed that you have a kid, let’s get that straight right now. I don’t care that you have a kid, as long as you’re not married or some shit—”
“I’m not married.”
“Great, wonderful. Good to know,” I snapped, nodding fervently. “But you can understand why I’d be a little peeved that this was just sprung on me. I wish you had told me sooner, instead of me finding out about him like this. That’s all.”
She exhaled and nodded. “I understand. And I’m sorry, you’re right. I should’ve told you, but I hope you can understand why I would’ve been hesitant. I like you a lot, and I didn’t want to scare you away when things were really going somewhere. And believe me, I did not expect you to find out like this,” she laughed uneasily, shaking her head.
I tipped my head toward my feet and nodded as the irritation dissipated. I found confrontation to be easy with her. I liked it, and for that, I was proud. “Yeah, I get it. I don’t know if I ever would’ve wanted to tell you about Jake, if you hadn’t found out the way you did.”
“Why are you ashamed of him?”
I lifted my gaze back to hers and shook my head. “Hey,” I spat out, hardening my glare. “I am not ashamed of him. But my life hasn’t exactly been easy by being his brother.”
She cocked her head and asked, “But is that his fault, or yours?”
“I …” My mouth was frozen in a position to speak but no words were produced as I stood there on her front porch, unable to talk.
So, Audrey spoke instead. “I got pregnant when I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend,” she confessed, and then laughed. “It’s still so ridiculous to say it out loud. I had been waiting for marriage, but you know, I was just home from college and we thought we’d get married one day. So, we did it and the freakin’ condom broke.”
“That fucking sucks,” I commented.
She sat down on the steps and welcomed me to sit beside her. “No,” she disagreed, shaking her head. “It was Fate. I mean, yeah, it was hard being a new young mom while dealing with my sister being sick and then dying. And yeah, it was hard to get used to working while raising a kid. But I never let Freddy stop me from enjoying my life, Blake, because he is my life. So, I include him in it when I can, and I let him make my life better when it’s hard.” Then, with a smile, she nudged my ribs with an elbow. “And the parts I can’t bring him into, I drop him off upstairs with my mom and dad.”
Her confession coaxed my own as I pressed my elbows to my knees and thrust my hands into my hair. “Jake wouldn’t be the way he is if it wasn’t for me.”