Bastian had come by with flowers and chocolate and the three kids in tow. Ben had a card for me, and the twins had a puzzle book for when I could see with both eyes.
“What do you want?” I asked again.
Wren looked honestly confused. “For you to get better?”
“And?”
“Nothing. That’s it.”
“There has to be something you want from me. Nothing comes without conditions.”
“Oh.”
The single word rushed out of her quietly. She stood and walked to the bed, dropping the railing a moment later. Without an invitation, she climbed on and settled in, crossing her legs.
“I don’t want anything from you, Paige. Except maybe your friendship. I have everything I need. I’m wealthy, I’m loved, I’m comfortable. If anything, you need things from me, and I’m willing to do that.”
“I don’t need anything from anyone.”
Her sigh was soul deep. “Don’t do that, Paige. Pride has fallen. Please let me help you get back up.”
“And then I’ll owe you.”
“No, you won’t,” she said. She licked her lips and put her hands on her knees. “How many different foster homes did you have?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Let me play at my job?”
I huffed. “Fine. I had twenty-three from the day I was born until I left the system at eighteen.”
“Did any of them last?”
“I was at one for eighteen months when I was about five. Every other one was short term.”
She nodded, her face a perfect mask. “Did you ever look up why you were moved each time?”
“I never had to, I knew. I was the easiest one to shuttle on if something went wrong. I wasn’t assertive and I wasn’t a problem. Others who were more trouble were kept because it would be harder for them to find a place to stay.”
“How many were abusive?”
“Some to nearly all. The only good ones were the one when I was five and the next to last when I was seventeen.”
“How abusive?”
I paused. “The shortest one, the one when I was fourteen was the worst of it. I reported the father for sexual abuse. He didn’t rape me, but he did rape one of the other girls, and I got him send to jail. I was only in that house of horrors for four weeks before they hauled him away.”
Wren stared down at the sheets for a moment, and let out a disgusted breath. She looked back up and motioned for me to go on.
“The rest were physical mostly, and usually not the foster parents. It was some of the other kids, or so called friends at school. The last was a psychological nightmare. They were there for the checks and tried to blackmail me into lying about how old I was so I could have a roof over my head when I aged out. Money. I was only worth the check.”
“You went to college…”
“I went to community college, and worked as a waitress while I did. I rented a single room until I got accepted to a full university. Then I had a dorm room until the first summer when I was able to rent an apartment with three other girls. They didn’t like me and left me alone most of the time.”
“After college?”
“I worked in New York City with child services and lived in a one room shithole. When the chance to run a foster agency in Philly was basically handed to me, I took it. I got it up and running and met Alain less than a month later.”
“You fell in love?”
I pulled up on my answer, shaken by that question. “I fell in…something. He was there, he took care of me. In exchange I cooked and cleaned for him.”
Wren cocked her head. “In exchange?”
“That’s how it works.”
“How what works?”
“Love.”
“Oh honey, no.” Wren shook her head. “Not even close.”
“Then what the hell good is love?”
“Love is not an exchange of anything. It’s knowing that person always has your back, always has your best interests in mind. It’s having a confidant, best friend, lover, fuck buddy, travel partner, and so much more. You align and aim for the same things in life. You can be next to them or far away and always know they are there. You trust them with everything, you want to tell them everything at the end of the day. Even when you walk different paths, those paths are all in the same woods, in the same direction. You’re never lost because they’ll always find you.
“Love is a freedom, not a chain. It’s wings, not a weight. It’s like air when you realize you’ve been holding your breath for too long. It encompasses everything, it excludes nothing. And the only payment is that same love given selflessly back in immeasurable ways.”
I stared at her. “You sound like a fucking Hallmark movie.”
“They’re not wrong.”
“You’re going to tell me you feel that with all three of your men?” I bit out.
“Yes,” she said, but her voice was quiet. “It’s more complicated that I can explain, but yes. They all make me feel that way and I hope that I do the same for them.”
Sighing, my eye focused on the ceiling again. “Do you really think that you’re the devil’s twin sister?”
“We’re not talking about that right now, Paige. I’m trying to make you see that you don’t know what love is because life has fucked you over. When you can relate to Hallmark instead of disparage it, then I’ll know we’re working in the right direction.”
Fine. She wanted my cynical bitch side, I’d accommodate. “What the hell good is love when it doesn’t clothe you, feed you, shelter you. Those are all negotiable goods that are necessary. If you have to give a little something to get those, who cares if it’s really love. Love doesn’t put food on my table. Love doesn’t buy me a coat in the winter.”
“Love also doesn’t beat you and throw you down the stairs.” She watched me for a reaction. “Love can also be platonic. Asexual. Bromance. You don’t have to want to fuck someone to love them.”
Her hand fell softly on my stomach and I lurched, hard, causing all kinds of pain to rush through me.
…The bright happy little girl ran behind Tabitha, giggling while the grass tickled her feet.
“Come on, angelica. We have friends waiting.”
The girl bubbled and giggled, stopping to pull a flower from the grass. A little yellow buttercup, smashing it on her nose.
“Smell, Mama!”
I laughed and smiled. “Yes, baby girl. Flowers smell.”
She looked at it cross-eyed and held it out. “Broken. No smelly.”
“You have to get it under your nose, baby girl,” I laughed, moving her hand. “The tip doesn’t smell for you.”
“I wanna ellie-phant trunk for smells!”
Tabitha laughed, coming back to them. “Come on, angel. There’s cake at the table.”
“Cake!” she cawed and dropped the flower, completely forgotten
—As a dark shape popped into existence and tackled the three of them to the ground. Two bright blades appeared as the dark man shoved the baby into her arms.
“Stay down, please. Cerdil.”
Tabitha and the dark man—Dre, grown up, I realized—jumped to their feet and ran towards the terrible form that was stomping towards them.