That thought spun my head like a carousel. I could barely make choices for one!
Back in the bed, leaving had seemed like my only option. Running was my instinct. Now, I had more questions. How would I get off the island? What would I do once I did? If I was pregnant, I'd grow. There'd be no hiding it. No protecting.
No Wyatt.
I dropped my hand from the doorknob.
"Changed your mind?" Wyatt asked suddenly.
I gasped and searched the shadows. Even when I was looking for him, I didn't see him until he stepped into the foyer.
His green eyes burned, and his jaw was tight. He was furious. At me. "You promised."
I spun so that my back was to the door. There was no use denying it. He'd probably been awake the entire time I'd thought I was being sneaky. "That was before."
"Before?" he croaked. "You're wearing pajamas, Kansas. You don't have anything on your feet. You were going to walk out there like that just to get away from me?"
"No." Getting away from him wasn't the goal. Or had it been? I couldn't remember what had finally tipped the scales in my mind, but I knew that when I looked at Wyatt, I saw safety.
"You were going to leave Mr. Boots?"
My face crumpled as my legs folded under me.
Mr. Boots. I would have left him. Yes. To get away from this uncertainty, I would've abandoned my oldest friend. Before I'd met Wyatt, he'd been my only friend. "I'm scared, Wyatt. There had to have been a mistake."
"A mistake?" His arms were folded tightly over his chest.
"With me! With this!" I gestured toward my stomach. "I'm not a shifter. I'm not even a good person like Riley and Phin. I'm a gold digger who steals from horny men. I live in constant fear. Where will I live? Will I manage to find another source when my money runs out? Is my uncle close behind me? If he catches me, how will I get free again? And if I'm not free, why bother with any of this?"
Without warning, Wyatt grabbed my arms and hauled me to my feet, clamping me against his chest. "Do you want to go, Kansas? Truly?"
I shook my head against his chest. "It would be easier for you if I did. You just can't see that."
"I can't see it because that isn't an accurate statement. If you left… I'd tear apart the world looking for you." He shuddered and squeezed me tighter. "But I'm not the only person who matters here. What do you want, Kansas? Tell me and I'll do it."
I heard the same desperation in his voice that fueled most of my actions. What did I want? Not what would be best or what I thought should happen. He'd asked me what I wanted. Him. Wyatt. I wanted him. But I didn't deserve him. I couldn't take care of myself, could hardly take care of a cat—how could I be anything but a burden?
"I know this is scary for you, but I'm not scared. Do you know why?"
With my ear to his chest, his question rumbled. "Why?"
He had every reason to be.
"Because I love you, Kansas. And I've never felt that way about anyone before. Not like this. For a while, I was worried I never would, that no one existed in this world who was completely right for me, but they do. You do. And now you're pregnant, and I don't know what I did either to deserve this gift, but I'm not going to look it in the mouth. I'm going to cherish it."
He lifted me, bracing one arm under my legs and the other against my back as he carried me from the door through the house. We passed a door that was opened a crack. When Wyatt carried me by, it opened a few more inches.
"Everything okay?" Nash asked Wyatt.
He nodded. "Everything's fine."
Nash shut his door.
Had the entire house been awake and listening to me try to leave?
Wyatt tucked me back in his bed, bringing the blanket up under my chin. Mr. Boots hopped up on the bed, meowing as he purred and curled up on my stomach. "I'll be right back. Keep watch, Master Boots."
Mr. Boots mewled and twisted his neck so that he could press the top of his head against my tummy. He'd never been worried I was going to leave. I could see now that was why he hadn't followed me.
Wyatt returned with a bottle of water, a protein smoothie, almonds, and string cheese.
Inside, I was conflicted. I loved having someone to care for me, but I hated having to need it. Wyatt lifted the bottle of water, I presumed to open it for me, and I stuck my hand out for it. "I can open it."
He handed it over, letting me twist the lid the rest of the way up.
"I don't do these things because I don't think you can."
No, he did them because if I didn't, I went crazy and stayed crazy.
"Did you have to feed any of your other lovers?" My lips stuck out in a pout.
"Kansas." He said my name like it was a warning.
It was a warning I should've listened to, but at the very least, I could do my best to show Wyatt what he was asking for when he asked me to stay.
"Is this how you want your life, Wyatt? This doesn't end. The way that I am. It isn't a gift, like with the others. Do you want to start a family with someone who can't even remember to eat on their own?"
I appreciated that Wyatt didn't quickly jump into giving me reassurances. He looked from the water bottle and then back to me. I sighed and took a large drink.
"You don't need to remember because I will remind you. And if I'm not around to remind you, then Nash will, or Aver, Phin, Branson, Riley—there's no shortage of people."
So I got to be the house's burden?
"I'm not their child. They shouldn't have to care for me like I'm one."
Wyatt shoved his hand in his hair. "Who cares if this how you need help, Kansas? We all need help. No one survives on their own. Not happily. Riley came with his own issues. So did Phineas. The four of us wouldn't have survived outside of the pack if we hadn't had each other. Nash would've fucked himself into a grave, probably. Aver would've broken apart under the pressure of his parents."
"And you?"
"Well, I'm pretty perfect." He laughed and picked up the almonds, lifting one toward my mouth.
I grabbed his wrist, stopping him from feeding me. "You need to make me a promise then, too. If I'm ever too much, if the weight is ever too heavy to bear—"
"It won't be." He slid his arm from my grasp and held my hand instead. "I'm very strong too."
"And humble," I murmured, but that only made Wyatt smile wider.
He turned our hands over and kissed my knuckles. "How did you feel when you thought you had to leave?"
"Like wasps are in my brain and ants are in my veins," I said with a shudder.
He looked like he thought about that while Mr. Boots purred on my stomach. "You know neither of those things are actually happening, right? There are no ants, no wasps."
I nodded. I knew that. It just didn't ever seem to matter in the moment.
"Next time that happens, imagine me as an exterminator. I've got one of those packs on my back—"
"And you're wearing an exterminator's suit?"
"Assless for your pleasure," Wyatt added. "And I'm spraying away all the wasps and ants. Try that and see if it helps."