Cold dread shot through me, followed by a hot burst of possession and defiance at the thought of quitting Luke. I didn’t want this to end, and I didn’t want to walk away. Where would I even go? Wherever I was, so was he. And his presence was the bright spot in every single day.
I didn’t even have to speak.
Ivy lit up with smug certainty. “Aha! That. Right there.” She pointed at my face. “That feeling you have right now? That raging no that just screamed through you? That’s why he’s your boyfriend. And he wants to be. So quit fighting it and just say so already, for God’s sake. It’s not like everyone doesn’t know anyway.”
I sucked a noisy breath through my nose since my jaw was locked shut.
Ivy looked mighty proud of herself. The sight made me want to both cry and throttle her.
Because she was right, and the realization that Luke and I were in a relationship was an ice bucket on my thin delusion. And here I’d been, so happy pretending, and along came Ivy, who had to ruin everything with her damnable truth, the one I’d been avoiding. But now, it had been said. And once a thing was said, the only thing you could do was own up to it.
Ivy rolled her eyes. “I don’t understand what the problem is, Tess.”
“The problem is, I don’t know how to do this. Not with him. He’s too … resplendent.”
She laughed. “What?”
“He’s larger than life, somewhere above us all. He’s got the gravity of the sun, Ivy. No one can match him. No one can be equal to a man like that.”
She made a face. “How are you turning something good into something bad? This is not a bad thing. I’d like to state for the record that I’ve never seen you so happy and carefree as you have been the last few days. When was the last time you organized the supply drawers?”
I opened my mouth to answer but paused, realizing it had been weeks. “There hasn’t been time.”
“When was the last time you made a list? Stressed over your pictures for Instagram? Worried over your dad? Mrs. Bennet?”
My brows drew together when I frowned. “I … I don’t know.”
“And when was the last time you slept in? Did something spontaneous? Laughed until you cried?”
I blinked. “Today. I did all that today.”
“And that’s because of Luke. Just like you haven’t seen him forget something, show up late, give up on a project. He’s been the picture of dependability. And that’s because of you.”
I stared at her, stunned.
“I mean, he’s still immature, but that’s just a male Bennet genetic trait.”
A laugh burst out of me. “You … you’re right.”
“I know I’m right. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”
Before I could answer, I heard the cart squeaking toward us. Ivy nodded at me, her face softening. She pulled me into a hug.
“I love you, Tess. Stop fighting.”
I held her close, breathed deep the scent of roses and peonies. Then I let her out, locking the door behind her.
And I turned to face my fate, which lay in the hands of the last man I’d ever thought I’d give such power.
LUKE
My smile died when I saw the look on Tess’s face.
It was somewhere between facing a firing squad and getting caught naked in public. Wide, dark eyes. Lush lips flat. Neck long as a swan, on full display, her auburn hair piled high on her head.
“You okay, Tess?” I asked, my brow furrowed and dread gripping my heart. It raced against the feeling.
For two weeks, I’d been waiting for this, whatever it was. A hammer to fall. A shoe to drop. A dozen times, I’d tried to talk to her, to define what we were, to have the dreaded relationship talk. But I never did. Partly because I didn’t know what to say. Partly because I had the undeniable feeling she would reject me the second I put her on the spot.
But the unspoken words underscored every moment, every word, swam in the undercurrents of a joke, an offhanded observation. She didn’t think I was serious, didn’t believe me to be capable. I was a fling, but I was a friend. We’d spent every minute together that we could for weeks, and not strictly because of proximity.
I could hear the truth of her feelings in the way she laughed, feel it in the way she touched me. See it in the way she lit up when she caught sight of me. It was the same fire that lit in me. But if I acknowledged it, if I said the words, I could lose her.
Never before had I been so unsure of where I stood with a woman. And never had I been so certain of where I wanted to stand.
Beside Tess.
Her throat worked down a lump. “I … I’m okay. I think.”
“Is Ivy all right? Did she … did she say something to upset you?”
She shook her head. “Just the truth.”
I felt my weight sink into my shoes. “Was it a good truth or a bad one?”
“I … both, I think.” She paused.
I didn’t speak. It was always me, making light. Changing the subject. Ignoring what was left unsaid to spare us both from having to answer to it. But not this time. It had to be her.
And she seemed to know it.
Her chin lifted, though her eyes were afraid. “What are we, Luke?”
The band on my lungs squeezed tighter. “What do you want us to be, Tess?”
“I’m afraid to say.”
“Because you think I’ll say no?”
“Because you might say yes.”
Hope zipped through me like a bottle rocket. I closed the space between us quietly, slowly. “What do you want, Tess?” I asked. “Tell me so I can give it to you.”
Her jaw fit in my palm, her eyes searching mine. “What if you can’t?”
“There’s nothing you could ask for that I couldn’t give.”
Her brows edged closer, though not in anger. In sadness.
“Do you trust me?” The question was gentle, still, pleading.
“I … I do.”
“Tell me what you want.” Loud was my pulse in my ears, and in the roar were the words I wanted to hear from her lips, seconds before she spoke them.
“You. But not just this, not just what we’ve had.”
A smile flickered on my lips as I did some quick math. “What we’ve had? Five hundred hours since the first night. Two hundred and fifty of those, I’ve spent with you. Know how many of those you’ve been in my arms? Twenty-one. Give or take.”
Her cheek rose against my thumb as she smiled.
“Tess, I know you don’t think much of me. I know you don’t think I can be what you need. And I plan on showing you every single way you’re wrong. All you have to do is let me.”
Another hard swallow as she looked up at me with pride and fear. “Why am I scared?”
“I don’t know. Because if you don’t think I’m serious about you, you haven’t been paying attention.”
A small, conceding laugh through her nose.
“Let me prove it,” I commanded. “I’m not asking you to promise anything. I don’t want anything to change. All I know is when I walk through that door, it’s your face I look for. Every night when we say goodbye, I don’t want to go. And I don’t know what that means besides this: I don’t want to be your fling, Tess.”