She shrugs, popping a piece of chopped up watermelon into her mouth. “Make him believe it. Don’t go crawling back. What do you want to do, deep down inside, when you think of Baz?”
“I want to…” I pause, unsure if I should speak my mind.
She rolls her eyes. “Just say it.”
“I want to hurt him. So bad. But I also want what we had before. I want him. I want him to be mine. I miss his touch. I miss…God, sometimes it feels like I miss everything about him.”
She grins. “I’m sure you miss a lot more than just his touch, but this is perfect. Use that. Because it’s really how you feel. He’s not going to think it’s a lie or a scheme. And this time? You can hit him where it really hurts. You get what you need. You keep the enemy close, and you get to dig the more he opens up to you.”
I sit quietly, contemplating this plan. It could backfire. Horribly. But the more I think about it, the more I realize how well this could work. But there’s only one thing that’s stopping me.
“The question is, can you handle it? Can you go another round of pretending with him? Without falling in love with him?”
I don’t have an answer to that question. Mainly because I am already in love with Baz Kingston.
The only thing I fear now is falling for him so deeply that there is no coming up for air.
I stand outside of the condo that I came running out of just days before the entire world decided they hated me. I swore to myself that night that I’d never see him again. That I’d never trust him again, but look at what I am doing anyway.
Running back to him.
The only difference is, this time, I am leaving trust out of things. Though I will have to actively try to tamp down my feelings for him. I still am not one hundred percent sure what my plan of action is going to be. I just hope that when I see him again, everything that I’m trying to tamp down doesn’t come bubbling back up to the surface.
One thing is for certain. Whatever happens in there today, I am not leaving until he agrees to sign my conservatorship back over to one of my friends or me. I still can’t believe my parents would sign me away like that. Who could do such a thing? Do I really mean so little to them? Am I such a nuisance in their precious lives that they had to pass off the burden to someone else? Are they really okay with that person being Baz? They don’t even know him!
“Didn’t expect to see you here.”
I whirl around and shriek in surprise at the sound of the gruff, deep voice. There stands Baz in all his handsome glory. I take in the severe expression on his face and swallow thickly. I didn’t expect a welcome greeting, especially after the way we left things, but it doesn’t make this any less painful.
“Didn’t think you’d still be here.”
We stare at each other, and something in his gaze transfers to mine, encapsulating my soul. I look away, feeling the edges of my vision blur with oncoming tears. I thought I would be able to handle this, but I can’t. Just one look from him, and I’m falling apart. I turn away from him and slam my eyes shut, trying to pull it together.
It doesn’t work.
With a mind of their own, my feet move away from him of their own accord. It’s like my own mind and body know following through with this plan is idiotic. Facing him right now is too soon.
“Hey,” he says, catching my arm and turning me toward him. He pauses when he sees the tears on my face. His lips press together in a thin line, and his eyes soften around the edges. Where he was just hard and unrelenting, no more than a few minutes ago, he now seems to soften just the slightest bit, and that realization has guilt slamming into me.
He still obviously feels something. I know he does. Or maybe it’s just my wishful thinking. Why do I want to fall into his arms, and why do I want him to be the one to put me back together? I shouldn’t be here. The emotions warring inside me are obviously telling me this is a mistake.
I shake my head, shaking off his hold on me. “I can’t do this.”
Turning away from him, I try to walk away, but he doesn’t let me go. “Can’t do what?”
“This!” I point between us aggravatedly. “I thought I could come here, and…I thought I could handle this. I thought I could try. But I can’t, Baz. I can’t handle it anymore.”
I press my hands onto the side of my head, trying to make the pain stop, willing the pounding to go away. “Fucking Christ,” he hisses angrily, and in my mental breakdown, I think his anger is directed at me, but when I hear his next words, I look up, realizing it’s not. “Put the fucking phone away. Have some goddamn respect.”
Gripping my arm again, Baz uses his broad back to shield me and lead me inside, while a few bystanders stand around on the street with their phones out filming my breakdown like it’s something to be spectated and replayed. Just one more thing I need in my life.
Baz ushers me into the living room. I collapse onto the couch and drop my head into my hands. I wish he wouldn’t act like this. It makes it hard to be angry with him. Why is he always looking out for me, yet hurting me in equal measure?
I hear him settle in the seat across from me. I can feel his gaze on me, and I give myself just a few more seconds to pull it together. Finally, I pick my head up and wipe my face clean of any remaining tears. I fix my gaze on the pristine marble floors, unable to look at him yet.
“What are you doing here, Mackenzie?”
“I-I…” My throat closes, and I trail off. I should say it. Tell him I came here to see him. Because I, honest to God, wasn’t sure I had it in me to stay away from him. All the truth.
I’m afraid of doing that. Of laying myself bare for him to hurt me even more than he already has. Vera’s question floats around in the back of my mind.
“Can you do this again without falling in love with him?”
I thought I could. I thought I could hide my feelings for him, but now that I’m here, face to face, I don’t know if I can.
“For someone who hates me and never shared anything real with me, you’re not acting like it.”
Like someone took a match to a flame, the fire in me ignites. My gaze shoots his and narrows. “I came here to talk, but obviously, seeing you, even looking at your face, is hard right now,” I grit through clenched teeth.
“Then talk.” Gone is the protector from outside. Now that he’s sitting across from me, his demeanor has changed. It feels like a cold draft weaves through the room, but it’s just the coldness. He’s likely remembering how our last visit went. Visions of my hand sailing through the air and colliding with his cheek hit me full force.
“Had an interesting conversation with my parents yesterday.” His face gives nothing away. The bastard doesn’t even blink. Just watches me, waiting for me to continue. His outward appearance is so indestructible. “Ring any bells?”
“And why would it?” he challenges. As calmly as I can with fire boiling in my gut, I set my palms on my thighs and lean forward ever so slightly, narrowing my gaze.
“Don’t play me for a fool, Sebastian. You know what I’m talking about. And I want to know why. Why go see my parents? Why take the conservatorship from them and sign me over to yourself? What are you up to?”