“Brenna!” Uan called.
When I didn’t answer, he did the typical fey jump-climb up the wall. His arms wrapped around me, and he held me close.
“Get a room, fey-lover,” someone yelled.
“Was someone mean to you?” Uan asked. He lowered his voice. “I can hurt them for you.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged Uan in return, still shaking but not feeling as terrifyingly alone.
“You might not have made me, but you’re as real of a dad as my first one was. Thank you.”
He grunted and continued to hold me.
“Why is your heart running in fear?”
“Because for a minute, I felt alone again. But I’m not.” I pulled back and managed to smile up at him. “I have you. And the rest of the fey.”
“And Thallirin,” he said.
And I never missed him more.
“Any luck finding the girl?” I asked.
“Yes. She was in a closet, crying. Matt is talking to her now, but we can go.”
It seemed like my body knew it was the time of day to wake up because, despite spending the night on the wall and going straight to Tenacity afterward, my eyes wouldn’t stay closed in the darkened bedroom. I kept thinking of Van.
The last time I’d seen him, he’d been standing with his father and the other gunmen just outside their coveted bunker. I recalled the look of anger on their faces, especially Van’s scowl despite his broken nose, as I was led to the back of a truck with the other people the fey had saved from a life of subjugation.
What Van and his group had done, murdering my father and kidnapping us, was inexcusable even with the world gone to shit. Mom had wanted him dead, but Eden had talked her out of it because she thought Mom wouldn’t want that weight on her shoulders. Given all he’d done to me and my family, I’d wanted him dead, too. However, after listening to Eden talk to Mom, I’d kept quiet because I hadn’t wanted to make that choice, either. A deep part of me wasn’t so sure she would have regretted the group’s death. And, that had worried me.
In the end, it had been the decision of Matt’s emissary that they leave the group where they were and take half their supplies.
Just as I’d kept my silence then, I’d kept my silence again when we left Tenacity. I was no longer sure what was right.
In our old society, those men would have been tried, found guilty, and put in jail. But there were no jails now. There was just outside the wall. And, outside the wall was eventual death.
If I turned Van in, just so he’d be cast out again, would that make me just like him? A killer? While I'd killed plenty of infected, I didn't know if I could live with sending Van to his death. Actually, I knew I could live with it, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to be that person.
But doing nothing felt like pardoning him.
I was seriously conflicted and trying not to be angry about it. Especially after my talk with Uan.
Had taking their supplies been enough to force them out of the bunker? Or were they at Tenacity because they wanted something else? It was the second question that worried me more. What if my silence hurt someone else? Turning Van in would then be to protect others, not for revenge. Yet, it was that small spark of need to see him hurt that made me wonder if my thoughts were only empty justifications for getting what I wanted.
Rolling over in an attempt to get comfortable, I almost missed hearing the kitchen door close. I lifted my head from the pillow and watched the hallway. The moment Thallirin appeared, his gaze met mine and he froze.
“I'm really glad you're home,” I said.
He started toward the hall again and stepped into the bedroom. He was shirtless, already wearing shorts, and had wet hair. That he’d bathed before coming home wasn’t a good sign.
“How did it go? Any trouble?”
“There were infected. And a few hellhounds.”
He sat on the bed and gently ran his fingers along my cheek. I leaned into the touch, needing him more than I’d thought possible.
“I am glad I am home, too,” he said.
“Did you sleep at all?”
He shook his head, and I patted the bed. The mattress dipped as he lay down beside me, and he settled in with a long exhale. I liked that he wrapped an arm around me so I could snuggle closer. My hand rested on his bare chest, just over the steady beat of his heart. Idly, I touched a scar.
His fingers toyed with my hair.
“I heard stories about when you first came to the surface. That you didn't know what we were and killed a lot of us. Is that true?”
“It is.”
“Now that you know what we are, does it bother you that you killed some of us?”
“We were naïve and uninformed when we came here. Knowledge often creates guilt. Why are you asking? Are you angry that I killed?”
I wasn’t stupid. He’d worded his answer to sound like he felt guilty, but that wasn’t what he’d said. He wasn’t remorseful that he’d killed, and I wasn’t judging him for it. I rather wished I could be like that.
“From what I’d heard, you were killing people who were shooting at you. It was defense.”
“Sometimes. Sometimes, it was not. Does that change your answer?”
“No. I know who you are now.” I lifted my head to meet his gaze. “You're a good man.”
He grunted.
Resting my head on his shoulder once more, I thought about who I wanted to be. I wanted to be a good person. I wasn't yet sure what I would do, but I knew that I would have Thallirin’s support, no matter what. I turned my head and pressed my lips against his bare chest.
His fingers stilled in my hair. Looking up at him, I met his hungry gaze.
“Will you kiss me?”
His hand moved in my hair, and he rolled to his side, bringing our faces closer together.
“I have done nothing in my life to deserve you. But I will never let you go.”
He closed the distance as he held my gaze. When his lips met mine, it was in the briefest of caresses. He didn't pull back, though. His thumb stroked my cheek, and he kissed my bottom lip. Then the corner of my mouth. Each touch was sweeter than the last and made my heart ache and my pulse start to race.
When our lips met once more, I opened to him. He made a low sound the moment my tongue touched his. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, desperate to feel him holding me, and caressed his skin, silently pleading for him to come closer. And he did, shifting so he hovered just above me.
I loved the way he started to shake as he tried to hold himself back and did what I could to break that control by slowly hooking one leg around his hip.
He growled, claiming my lips with an intensity that left me breathless. I needed more. It only took a little pressure for him to settle his hips against mine. The hard length of him pressed against my sweet spot and sent a shiver of need through me. I locked my other leg around his hips and ground against him.
Thallirin tore his lips from mine with a groan and arched into me, making me gasp with pleasure. I slid my hands from his shoulders to his clenched jaw and lifted enough to kiss him again as I continued to move under him.
The moment my fingers accidentally brushed his ears, I lost him.
One minute, he was on top of me; the next, he was standing by the bathroom door, his chest heaving and his pupils dilated.