I touched my lips as I looked at him.
“I’m tired of being alone. Let me be with you.”
He closed his eyes and exhaled shakily.
“Soon,” he said roughly.
“You’re stubbornly annoying with this. And I hope we never have a reason to regret your hesitation.”
I patted the bed.
“Lay by me. I promise not to touch you.”
He remained by the door, still shaking lightly.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep alone.” I hated admitting it, but it was true.
“Why?” he asked softly.
“Because I don’t know who I’ll be when I wake up.”
“Be who you are now.”
“I don’t even know who that is anymore.”
“You’re a hunter. A warrior woman who helps kill hellhounds. Who protects and gathers for her family.”
I smiled slightly at the fact that he’d already heard about what had happened while he was gone. Fey were terrible gossipmongers.
Thallirin returned to the bed and pulled me close to his chest.
“You’re also like me. Lost in a new world, looking for something to anchor you. Something to make your life whole again. But you can stop looking and find peace, now. You are mine, Brenna, and I am yours.”
The simple statements wrapped around my heart. I yawned hugely and closed my eyes. Thallirin made me feel safe even when what I’d feared was myself.
“Sleep, Brenna.”
The faint sound of knocking woke me enough that I felt Thallirin untangle himself from my hold. Making a small noise in protest, I loosely grabbed for my personal fey body pillow. He chuckled, kissed my brow, and left.
I pouted with my eyes closed, drifting in that in-between state of sleep and awake. A soft murmur of voices pulled me from that pleasant, hazy state of being. Forcing my eyes open, I crawled out of bed to see who was there.
Zach grinned at me the minute I shuffled my way into the entry.
“You look like hell,” he said.
I squinted at his silhouette in the afternoon light.
“Since I only managed a few hours of sleep, I’m not surprised. What’s up?”
“We’re doing a cow run.”
“A what?”
He shook his head at me.
“Get dressed and come see. You can sleep later like a normal person.”
Thallirin looked at me, letting me decide what to do.
“Fine. I’ll be ready in a minute.”
I went back to the bedroom and started pulling on clothes.
“You can sleep more,” Thallirin said behind me.
“Nah. He’s right. If I keep sleeping now, I won’t be able to sleep tonight.”
“Damn straight, I’m right,” Zach called from the kitchen.
I rolled my eyes and closed myself into the bathroom while Thallirin dressed.
After a quick breakfast bar, Thallirin and I followed Zach out of the house. The first cow I spotted was wandering down a street. It mooed at us as we approached.
“Can we eat it?” I asked, eyeing its large belly.
“Not yet. According to the fey, every cow still alive was pregnant.”
“Really?” I glanced at Thallirin, who gave a brief nod.
“They were in a cement building away from the others. Someone had been caring for them. We think maybe one of the newcomers.”
“We have about thirty head of cattle.” Zach grinned at me. “I’ve always wanted to say that.”
“Should I look for a cowboy hat for you next time we’re out?”
“I’d be much obliged.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Anyway, it’s dangerous having them all in one place. Drav talked it over with Matt, and Matt agreed. Tenacity will look after half the herd. We won’t be able to eat any until after they give birth. Richard and Matt were talking about a butchering plan. They want the cattle to sustain us long term, but we need to be sure we can sustain them. Not only are we going to need to raid towns for supplies, we’re also going to need to start raiding farms for feed.”
“Fun,” I mumbled.
Near Richard and Julie’s place, we found the majority of the cows grazing in an empty lot. Many of the fey were watching the animals, too. It wasn’t until I was staring at the walking hamburgers that I thought to question how the fey had even gotten them in here.
“It wasn’t easy,” Thallirin said. “The cows are heavy and don’t hold still.”
“The fey carried them over the wall,” Zach clarified. “Richard and Ryan are at Tenacity, now, engineering doors to get in and out. Want to come with us and check it out?”
I didn’t. Not really. Because if I went back to Tenacity, I couldn’t keep putting off deciding what to do about Van. I would have to talk to Matt and face Van. However, my desire to continue to avoid the situation was what prompted me to agree.
Zach beamed at me.
“I knew you wouldn’t want to miss out.”
I forced myself to smile while my stomach churned.
Zach ran off to let Garrett know we’d be going along.
“Are you still wondering who you are?” Thallirin asked.
Glancing at him, I found him watching me intently. The steadiness of his gaze made me feel like he was looking straight into my soul.
“Yes,” I said simply.
The fey started prodding the cows from their lot to the street, and Thallirin picked me up to follow. He placed a kiss on my brow as he walked.
“What’s that for?” I asked.
“To remind you. You are mine, Brenna.”
“I like that you say it as if that’s enough. To belong to someone else. I need to be me, too. An individual.”
The tips of his ears darkened slightly.
“What did I say wrong?” I asked, reaching up and gently touching a tip. He shuddered and turned his head to set his forehead against mine.
“You said nothing wrong. That was the first time you acknowledged you are mine.”
I pulled back to look at him.
“Was it?”
He grunted, and I grinned, still playing with his ear.
“I am yours, Thallirin. I just wish you’d do something about it.”
His steps slowed, and he looked at the cows and the other fey. I could feel his resistance weakening and leaned up for a kiss, which he quickly gave and, just as quickly, ended.
“Be good, Brenna.”
I sighed and settled into his arms.
“I’m trying to be.”
He didn’t talk to me again until we reached Tenacity. According to Thallirin, getting twelve of the cows over Tolerance’s walls had been a chore. Driving those cows through Tenacity’s newly acquired, but only semi-completed, double gates was a breeze.
“This is going to make loading up for supply runs a lot easier,” Matt said, watching as Merdon and two other fey moved a pickup into place. I didn’t know where they got the heavy iron doors from, but they looked like they could keep out a hellhound. For a while, anyway.
Richard and Ryan were on top of the outer set of doors, rigging floodlights that were aimed directly toward the ground.
“Looks like it’s been a busy day,” I said.
“Very. In a good way, though. Seeing animals alive like this has people excited. It helps that a few of Tolerance’s people are here trading, too. Food in the cupboard and food walking around on four legs is a good reminder that things are getting better.”