I had to wonder. Would Easton be jealous if I were on my way to a more permanent relationship? But I wouldn't lie to him to find out.
"I guess we'll never know," I said as I finally turned my attention back to my now cold waffles. Thank goodness we'd be coming back here soon.
Sophia crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back into her seat, clearly pouting.
"It was a good plan," she said, and I had to somewhat agree, so I nodded once. It kind of was. Except for the lying to Easton part.
"But I can't lie to Easton," I said as I went back to enjoying my waffles. They were there for me, and they were even good cold.
"That's why I was going to do it for you," Sophia said as she pushed her plate away from her and concentrated on her smoothie.
I laughed. Sophia wasn't as black and white as I was. She liked to live in the gray, something I kind of loved about her. I didn't have the nerve to live in the gray.
"So you're just going to let him go?" she asked, and I shrugged. Did I have any other choice? I'd given it my best shot, and things had failed spectacularly. Maybe it was a sign to back off. But could I give Easton up forever? I had to hope he'd see sense. That he would see I was the woman for him. But I wouldn't trick him into choosing me.
I felt tears well up in my eyes as reality hit me. Things had been such a whirlwind since the moment Easton had told me about his future plans that I hadn't really taken time to sit back and digest the truth. Easton was getting married. And not to me, the way I'd always imagined. I'd tried and failed to get him to see me as an option. That had to mean all he'd ever feel was a best friend's love for me. I'd been sure that a romantic love could grow eventually, but it was now obvious to me that there wasn't even the tiniest seed of that kind of love in Easton's heart for me, so how could anything grow? It couldn't.
He had made his choice, and it wasn't me. It would never be me.
So my only chance at Easton was to take Priscilla's place. The very thing I'd said I didn't want to do. Could I enter a relationship with Easton and know that he would never love me in the same way I loved him? Would I survive a lopsided love? My heart lurched and the pain slammed me square in the chest. I had to get out of there.
I stood, dropping some bills on the table and probably overpaying for my food. But I didn't care. I needed to leave before the waterfall of tears began to be shed. I knew the cry that was threatening would be a big one.
"We're here for you, Josie," Whit said quietly, and Sophia nodded, looking almost as sad as I felt.
"Thanks," I said quietly before rushing back to my car.
As soon as the door shut behind me, the tears couldn't be held back. I sat in that parking lot for nearly an hour because I wasn’t able to drive through my tears, my entire body heaving under my sobs. Easton would never be mine in the way I needed him to be. I couldn't just have a halfway love.
Just as I thought I might be able to move, I reminded myself that typically in a situation like this one, I would’ve called Easton and he would’ve come to my rescue. He would have picked me up and made everything okay. But that wouldn't be happening anymore. Not today, not ever.
Because after he was married, could he really rescue another woman the way he'd always done for me? The tears began anew, and I didn't even care at all about the strange looks I was receiving from the people who walked by my car. None of them could understand that my world had fallen apart. I was losing my future and my best friend.
Chapter Eleven
I sat on the couch with my feet up, feeling exhausted after a long day at work. It seemed all of my athletes had decided to get injured at the same time, and my athletic room was the busiest it’d ever been.
A couple of weeks had passed since the brunch with the girls, and I only cried myself to sleep every other night now. That had to count for something, right? The door to our apartment opened and closed, and I knew it was Easton coming home. It was weird to have Easton come home every day. A good weird, but weird nonetheless. It would have been a great weird if it was a permanent situation, but it wasn't. Easton and Priscilla were going to be tying the knot in just two weeks. I'd always hated the term tying the knot; it seemed so unromantic for such a beautiful moment between two people. But it was the exact term I wanted to use when describing what was happening between Priscilla and Easton.
"Jos?" Easton called out. Even that would have set me off crying a few weeks before. Now, I felt a little more hardened to the idea that Easton wouldn't come home and call for me in a very short couple of weeks. But he seemed happy with his decision, and I had to respect that, right? Every day I became a little less certain. But every day I had a little less time, and I wasn't sure what to do.
"Right here." I sat up straighter so that he could see my head over the couch that had its back to the door. Easton loved to tease me about my small frame. I'd shoot back with something like, not all of us can be six foot two. Not my finest comeback, but it usually made him laugh, which was always my goal.
"Oh good," he said as he came to the couch, lifted my legs, and took a seat under them. "You've been busier than usual these past couple of weeks. But I was hoping you'd be home."
He was right. I’d been trying to be out more often than not now that I felt the need to accept this wedding was happening. I still was sure Priscilla was all wrong for Easton and that this was the biggest mistake of his life, but it was his mistake to make. Any advice from me would be slightly tainted by the fact that I was madly in love with him and maybe would be forever. That thought sank like a pit in my stomach, and I had to move my thoughts to somewhere new or I'd start a fresh batch of tears.
"Long day?" he asked as he began to rub my feet, and I quickly pulled them out of his lap and under me.
He gave me a questioning look, but I chose to ignore it. Easton rubbing my feet when I was tired had been a long standing tradition between us. One of many we'd no longer get to keep.
"How was wedding planning?" I asked, even though it was the last thing I wanted to hear about. But I didn't want to answer his unspoken question about rubbing my feet, and I knew wedding planning was what he'd been doing all day. Plans for their adventure dome had taken a brief backseat to the wedding. Apparently they would put all of their focus on the wedding, for the time being. Then when it was all done, they could really start on the adventure dome. I had to wonder why things couldn't be flip flopped. Why was the wedding the priority before Easton's next big venture? But it wasn't my place to ask.
"You know how I love looking at a really elegant room and trying to decide which kind of flower arrangement should be placed on a round table versus a rectangular table?" Easton deadpanned.
That sounded like his version of hell.
"Uh huh," I said, and Easton turned to give me his look. The one that said I’d better be joking, so I grinned to show him that I was.
"Yeah, that was my day."
Easton didn't sound happy. I realized every day he came home from wedding planning, he didn't seem very pleased. The days he had come home from working with his architect and contractor, those had been happy days. But now that the whole project was on hold, he'd come home seeming exhausted every day.