But I drew in a deep breath and stood tall. He had made his choice. I loved him, and he loved me. We had a passion between us that was unmatched. And yet he wasn't choosing me. I had to respect that. I'd laid everything I had at his feet, and he was turning away. I would break alone later.
I nodded. "I will never understand your choice to marry Priscilla, Easton. I think you are making the biggest mistake of your life. But I love you. I will stand by you tomorrow," I said because I knew I couldn't promise any more than that. As soon as the wedding was done, I was going to accept the job in Georgia. I couldn't stay in Saratoga without Easton by my side.
"Jos, I'm sorry," he pleaded as he held out a hand to grab mine, but I pulled out of his reach. I couldn't touch him.
"Go back to your party, Easton," I said solemnly and then turned around before I lost the strength to walk away. I had to walk away. It was what Easton wanted. And the only thing I wanted more than Easton to be with me was for Easton to be happy. If this was the way he saw to happiness, I had to respect that. Even if his choice had determined that I would never be happy again.
As I walked away, part of me begged to stay and finish the fight. Keep on battling until that moment when he said I do. But couldn't that part of me see that it was over? The battle, the war, all of it. And I had lost. We had both lost. And Easton was okay with that. So I had to be too.
Chapter Fifteen
Fortunately, Priscilla wasn't one of those brides who made the groomsmen take a million pictures with the bridal party before the wedding ceremony. So as best men and groomsmen, myself, Rider, and the rest of the guys didn't have to show up at the church until just before the ceremony.
As I got ready for the dreaded moment when Easton would forever be united with another woman, I had to come to think of this as an event between two people I didn't know. Which was difficult, considering I was the best man. But hey, I’d done all kinds of difficult things since I'd found out about this terrible marriage pact. And I’d survived thus far ... barely.
I was working on numbing myself to the fact that all of this was for Easton. Because it wasn't. At least in my mind. A handsome man would be marrying a beautiful girl, and I was going to be wearing a yellow dress that did nothing for my complexion as I stood by this stranger's side. Okay, the plan wasn't great, but at two am the night before, it had seemed like the only thing that could work.
"Those dark circles are pretty impressive," Rider said as he looked at my eyes and the excess baggage they'd brought to the wedding.
"All the concealer in the world can't save me now," I tried to joke, and Rider attempted a laugh. But the groom's room where we all stood waiting for the wedding to start was feeling a little somber. Probably because of me.
I hadn't slept a single minute of the night before. The whole night had been spent pacing and then lying back in bed, trying to fall asleep. I had even spent a good hour in Easton's old room, just holding a t-shirt he'd left behind, tears streaming down my face. Yes, that moment was as pathetic as it sounded.
But I was here now. That had to count for something.
"Where is Easton?" Hunter asked, and the guys all looked at me. It used to be, where you found one of us, there came the other ... but no longer. Tears threatened again, and I told myself this was a wedding for a couple of strangers. That idiotic lie didn't help.
I shrugged in response. "Probably with his dad," I said, even though I had no idea where Easton was. But the guys nodded because none of them knew what happened behind the scenes at a wedding, and apparently my guess was better than theirs.
But it wasn't like I was an expert either. I only knew what happened at weddings from the romantic comedies I'd watched and when my siblings had gotten married. But since I was the last single sister, there wasn't much asked of me at each of those blessed events. I'd purely gone with the flow. So basically, I knew nothing.
"Is anyone else starving?" Rider asked as he began to search the room for food, even pulling up a curtain to look behind it. I really doubted the food would be hidden if there was any in the room, but I decided not to burst Rider's bubble.
I looked down at the slim silver watch I always wore on my wrist and saw that it was twenty minutes until the big moment.
You still have time to fight, part of me pleaded. But I ignored that voice. It was done.
"Groomsmen," a trill voice, which I'd come to associate with the wedding planner, said before she opened the door to the room I stood in with the guys.
The large gothic church where Priscilla had chosen to get married had recently been remodeled. Well, everything outside of the main chapel. So the building could accommodate the bridal party in luxury with its new and upgraded bridal rooms, but the chapel still gave the feel of a timeless church with its plethora of stained glass and dark wooden pews.
The church was pretty, in a bit of an ostentatious way, but I couldn't imagine getting married indoors. My mind raced to a grassy expanse with trees and wildflowers, the same wildflowers that would be in a crown on my head…. But this wasn't my wedding. I was never going to have a wedding.
The time for self-pity is coming soon, I promised myself before turning to the wedding planner. Rider and I had learned the hard way, after being scolded at the rehearsal lunch the day before, that we needed to always pay attention to the woman with the clipboard and the headset.
"Let's gather up by the doors of the church. It's just about time," she said happily, and I tried to channel some of her joy myself. My pity party was threatening to come early; I couldn't very well cry as I walked down the aisle. At least not the sad, ugly tears I wanted to let out.
I avoided looking anywhere but right at the wedding planner, knowing if I glanced around the foyer outside of the church, I'd have to see Priscilla in her white dress and, worse, Easton looking dashing in a tuxedo. Looking like he was going to get married. I didn't know how to handle any of that, so I was going to put off the moment of seeing them together as a couple for as long as possible.
I'd only seen Easton once that day. In passing, right when I'd arrived at the church an hour before, and he hadn't put on his tux yet. The one great thing about being a best man was that the requirements were much more lax than they were for anyone who was on the bride's side of the party. The groom didn't need his guys to follow him around fluffing his dress and checking his hair the way I'd had to as a bridesmaid when my sister got married.
I had noticed a smile of relief on his face when he'd seen me walk into the groom's room, but he'd been ushered out seconds later by the wedding planner and his mother. Evidently, being the groom meant he didn't have time to say hi to even his groomsmen. But it was better that way. Everything we could’ve said had already been said.
"Groomsmen, groomsmen," the wedding planner said as she lined the guys up outside of the chapel. They were each placed next to their assigned bridesmaid, and then she came to me and Rider.
"Girl groomsman." She placed me next in line, but Rider shook his head.
"Josie should be last. She's the real best man," Rider said with a small smile. Evidently he knew enough about weddings to know the spot right before the groom was for the most important person in his life. At least his bachelor life.