"Lex," Gideon began, but I cut him off.
"Are you doing it on purpose?" I asked. I hated how shaky my voice sounded, but I was just so damn frustrated.
"Doing what?" Gideon asked.
The fact that he didn't even seem to realize what he was doing only served to upset me even more. He was either being extremely manipulative or completely clueless. I couldn't make sense of either behavior considering how sensitive he'd been earlier in the day. "Never mind," I choked out. I took a step forward, then another. Thankfully, Brewer stayed with me. The dog gave me the confidence I needed to keep moving.
"Where are you going?"
"Home," I snapped in response to Gideon's question.
"It's not safe there for you yet," he said.
"I'll take my chances," I responded bitterly.
"So what's your plan? Try to find your way home in the dark with no clothes on?" Gideon asked, his voice dry.
"Fuck you, Gideon," was all I said in response. I quickened my pace because I needed to get away from the man before I completely let loose on him. I needed to get back to my cabin so I could get my bearings and figure out what to do next. I'd rather return to the city than deal with the asshole who seemed to be enjoying toying with me.
"Hey," I heard Gideon call behind me. Brewer began to whine anxiously, but I didn't slow my pace even a little when the dog moved away from me. "Lex, wait," Gideon said. His voice was louder now and I could hear his heavy footsteps on the wood floor, so I knew he wasn't that far behind me. That instinct to get to someplace safe where I could protect myself kicked in and I began moving even faster.
Which made me careless.
My hip hit something hard and it was all I could do to stifle a cry of pain. But I kept moving.
"Lex, stop, the floor is uneven—" I heard Gideon say, but the rest of his words were drowned out as I tripped over something. I threw out my hands to try to catch myself, but it was wholly unnecessary because strong fingers closed around my upper arms and yanked me backwards. I slammed into something hard and only realized it was Gideon's chest when his fingers bit into the biceps of both arms.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Gideon snapped. "It's like you have no sense of self-preservation!"
His words served only to piss me off and I found myself turning and shoving hard at his chest. He seemed surprised and actually released me. "You're what's wrong with me," I yelled. "One second you're helping me and the next you're mocking me."
"Mocking you?" Gideon asked.
"I can't fucking see you, Gideon!" I shouted. I knew my anger was over the top, but suddenly Gideon had become the target of all my rage and anger. "Do you have any idea what it's like to stand in the middle of a room you don't know and not be able to even figure out which direction the goddamn bathroom is in?" I asked. "Every step you take is a risk. And then you've got this guy who won't fucking talk to you. And if he doesn't talk, you can't figure out where he is. And if you don't know where he is, and he doesn't talk, you have no idea what's happening. You don't know if he's looking at you with disgust or disdain. You don't know if he's angry or if he's laughing at you. Hell, you don't even know if he’s still in the fucking room."
I paused only long enough to draw a breath. There was a dark shape in front of me that I could only assume was Gideon. "You can't see any attacks coming so you can't even run. You can't laugh because you can't tell if the other person thinks something is funny too. I'm twenty-seven years old, Gideon. I'm twenty-seven and it feels like my life is over. I know that doesn't make sense to you—"
I snapped my mouth shut when Gideon suddenly grabbed me again. I was shocked when he pushed me back several steps until my back hit the wall behind me. I tried to protect my face with my arms, but he grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the wall. I was completely at his mercy and it terrified me.
"Your life is not over, do you hear me?" Gideon practically yelled in my face. "And I sure as shit wasn't mocking you or trying to make you feel off balance. Did it ever occur to you that I don't know how the hell to respond to you? I don't talk, Lex. To anyone. From the moment I found you this morning, all I wanted to do was get you out of here so I could go back to my nice, quiet life!"
His declaration actually stung. But I shoved the emotion away and said, "Then just let me go, damn it!"
He went silent again, which I hated with a passion. I wanted to see his eyes so I could know what he was feeling. I struggled to free myself from his hold, but he just tightened his grip and barked, "Stop it."
The command was firm and unyielding, but strangely enough, I wasn't afraid of it. The fact that I could waffle between being frightened of him and feeling safe around him made absolutely no sense. But this was yet another one of those moments where I felt oddly safe. Like the closer I was to him, the more I could read him even when he didn't speak. In some ways, it was almost comforting. My anger began to fade the longer we stood there like that. His fingers weren’t touching my skin, but they might as well have been. My body began to react to his proximity and I suddenly remembered that I hadn't bothered to put on the sweats he'd given me because I'd only intended to search out the bathroom, not have this kind of confrontation with him.
With my blood quickly heading to the lower part of my body, I swallowed hard and said, "Let me go." It wasn't actually an order like his had been. No, there was too much desperation in my voice for that. I felt my dick begin to harden inside the snug boxer briefs I was wearing. If Gideon felt me getting an erection around him, it would be game over. "Gideon, please, you have to let me go," I choked out.
The response that followed left me giddy and horrified at the same time.
"I can't."
Chapter Six
Gideon
I didn't even know how it happened. I'd gone from watching Lex's expression soften when I’d talked about Neil Mitchum's penchant for wanting to give people rides around town without the benefit of a vehicle to do it with to witnessing the outburst that had followed. And now here we were with me holding him against the wall pretty much against his will, and no matter how many times I told my fingers to release him, they wouldn't follow through on the order.
I’d spent the better part of the afternoon working to make it so Lex could go home to the cabin he was renting. I'd made sure the generator was still going so the place would start heating up and then I'd located Lex’s insulin pump controller so I could get it charging. Then I’d gone searching the area around the generator for his phone. By the time I’d found it, the power had kicked back in and I'd been able to get the generator turned off and reset for the next time it would be needed.
I'd also spent a considerable amount of time trying to make it easier for Lex to move about the cabin without risk of hurting himself. I'd moved smaller pieces of furniture closer to the walls so he wouldn't trip over them and so they’d be there for him to brace himself on as he moved around. I'd also used some double-sided tape to make sure the edges of the few area rugs in the cabin were secure. I'd gotten rid of the smaller ones altogether so there was no risk of Lex tripping on them. I'd also righted the kitchen and plugged in the phone I'd grabbed from one of the other cabins into the landline on the first floor so Lex would have access to a telephone both upstairs and downstairs.