Moving up the steps, I reached for Lex's arm. He followed without hesitation and when I called out each step to him, he took them with confidence. His trust in me was humbling.
Once we were settled in the truck, I said, "Is Merv's okay? It doesn't have a huge selection, but it's got some decent stuff. Otherwise we have to drive over to Bluewater Ridge to go to one of the grocery stores there."
"Yes, that should be fine. Thanks for doing this, Gideon. Andre wasn't able to make it yesterday because of the weather and then today the car broke down, so I was running a bit low on stuff. I didn't want to risk going another day living off granola bars."
"Granola bars? Why in the world didn't you call me sooner?" I asked angrily. The idea that Lex had risked a diabetic crisis by eating foods that were only meant to supplement his diet made me crazy. "Did you have any episodes? How are you feeling right now? Did you test your blood sugar?"
"First off, I'm fine and my blood sugar is fine. Second off, why are you getting so upset?" Lex asked. Even if I hadn't heard it in his voice, the anger in his expression was clear.
"Because you should've called me!" I snapped impatiently. "What if something had happened? I told you to call me if you needed anything! It's been a week and I haven't heard a single thing from you!" I wanted to call back the last sentence as soon as I said it. If he read it the wrong way—
"Maybe I didn't call because I figured if you wanted to talk to me, you would've actually stopped by to say hi instead of sneaking around and doing things behind my back."
I opened my mouth to argue with him but before I could say anything he added, "And don't play innocent with me, Gideon. I'm blind, not deaf. This truck of yours doesn’t exactly have a stealth mode."
"You heard me?" I asked.
"Yeah, I heard you. I heard you moving around the porch and the only thing I can think of is that you were restocking the log pile because I checked and it's not very big, yet I never ran out of wood all week. And when the power went out, I hadn't even made it down to the front door before I heard you pulling up. I waited each time for you to come say hi, but you didn't. So I figured that was the way you wanted it, and I only called you today because I didn't want to risk my health. Believe it or not, Gideon, I'm a grown man and I don't need to take this shit from some guy I barely even know. I have four older brothers who have the overprotective thing down pat. But with them, at least I know they do it because they love me, not out of obligation or because they feel sorry for me."
Before I could even process Lex's tirade, he was reaching for the door handle. I automatically snagged him by the arm to keep him from getting out of the truck. "Where are you going? You said you needed a ride."
"Don't bother. I'll figure something else out. Sorry to have troubled you." Lex tugged his arm, but I found it impossible to release him. He was right. My reaction had been over the top.
"I'm sorry, Lex. You're right, I overreacted." I could tell that my apology had fallen on deaf ears when Lex continued to try to escape my hold on him. I knew that if he got out of the truck, I’d never get a chance to talk to him again. He'd found the courage to call me and ask me for help, and the second I'd arrived to give it, I’d jumped down his throat. I didn't blame him for wanting to get away from me. "Wait," I said desperately. Instead of hanging on to Lex's coat, I slid my hand down and grabbed his. "Just wait, please," I murmured.
Thankfully, Lex stilled, though he didn't relax at all.
"Look, I just… I’ve been worried about you all week, but I didn't want to hover. And I…"
"You what?" Lex asked. I wasn't sure, but his voice seemed a little softer now.
"I just don't know what to make of this," I admitted.
"Make of what? I’m sorry, I don't understand."
"This," I said in frustration as I motioned between us. I let out a muffled curse. When was I going to remember that I needed to find a better way of communicating with this man since he couldn't see my hand gestures and body language? The idea of having to use my words to explain what was going on in my muddled mind was daunting. "Us," I said. Then I realized how inappropriate that word sounded, so I clarified, "It's been a long time since I've had to do this with someone."
Lex's hand tightened on mine just a little and instead of leaning away from me like he was ready to jump out of the truck, he actually seemed to lean more in my direction. "What are you trying to do, Gideon?" he asked.
"Be your friend!" I snapped impatiently. "I don't know if you even want to be that, but if you do, you should know that I suck at it. I've spent the last two years alone for a reason and I like it that way."
I knew I wasn't making any sense, but I already felt like an idiot for what I'd said. If I opened my mouth again, more shit would spill out and I already felt exposed enough as it was. It was the exact reason I'd worked so hard to keep the people of Fisher Cove at arm’s length when I’d returned to the small town.
With Lex, I didn't run that same risk because he didn't know about my past and I intended to keep it that way. Admittedly, I had some kind of strange connection to the younger man, but maybe I just needed to let that run its course. My mind obviously wasn't going to let me just forget about Lex, so it made sense to at least keep up some kind of relationship with him so I would know that he was safe. Then maybe I'd at least get some fucking sleep at night.
"Gideon?"
I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. I hadn't started the truck yet, so it was getting somewhat chilled in the cab. I glanced at Lex to make sure the coat he was wearing was thick enough for the elements and not that ridiculous long coat he'd worn on the first day. But of course, my gaze strayed to his face and I saw him looking at me. It was then that I realized I was still holding his hand. But when I went to release it, he held on.
"Yeah?” I murmured.
"Any chance Merv's sells cups of coffee?" Lex asked.
Something that had been really tight in my chest for the past week loosened considerably. I released his hand and reached for the key in the ignition. My truck rumbled to life and I found myself smiling when I realized how loud the damn thing really was.
"They do. But it tastes like shit and there's none of that fancy espresso stuff anywhere in Fisher Cove."
I chanced a glance at Lex and saw him smiling. "Then shitty coffee it is. I'm buying."
As I got the truck in gear and moving, I said, "So you're worth like a gazillion dollars and all you’re springing for is coffee? I don't even get a pastry or something?"
Lex laughed. "Pastries?" he asked. He looked my way and I swore I saw him wink. "If you want baked goods, you're going to have to put out, buddy."
On the surface, his line was absolutely ridiculous, especially with the added nickname of buddy. The problem was, Lex had no idea how intrigued I was by the idea of putting out. And I had a feeling I sure as shit would do it for a whole lot less than baked goods.
Chapter Eleven