"Lex, just listen to the sound of my voice." I felt big warm hands clasp my face and then there was a whisper of air against my ear as Gideon began counting. I swore I actually felt the softness of Gideon's lips on my skin as he began calling out numbers. I wanted to laugh at the insanity that I could focus on that, but not have the fortitude to do something as simple as count from one to ten by myself.
"Lex, you need to listen to my voice," Gideon reminded me. "One," he began, then he paused. "Hold your breath until I count again," he said. I pulled in some air and held it, even though my body fought me. Gideon's right hand had moved so his fingers were stroking the back of my neck. I ignored my body’s need to fight for breath by focusing on those fingers and waiting for Gideon to call off the next number. "Two. Now let out the breath, Lex."
I did as he said, but it still hurt like a son of a bitch. But Gideon didn't falter, so neither did I. I stopped listening to the actual numbers after a while and just listened for Gideon’s command to breathe in, then out. I couldn't say how long it was before it no longer hurt to take a breath. When I was finally able to focus on something besides Gideon, it was a relief.
Like how Gideon’s skin felt warm against mine where he was still touching me. I was so tired that I wanted to just lean into him, but as I heard Gideon start talking to someone, I remembered where we were. His hands were still on my face and neck and when he shifted ever so slightly, I could feel his chest brush mine, so I knew that he was standing very close to me. Afraid of the message that might send to the people in this town who knew him, I eased myself out of his hold. I didn't want to risk embarrassing him in any kind of way. I'd been out for a long time, so I had a lot of experience with different reactions to my sexuality. While I got a lot more support than hate, there was always a kernel of fear within me whenever I was in a new environment. Not that I necessarily had a guy with me whenever I was somewhere new, but I wasn't foolish enough to risk Gideon's reputation.
"He's okay, Mrs. Larson," Gideon said. "Thank you."
Knowing that Gideon was within arm’s reach, I was able to calm down enough to hear what was happening around me. I heard the click-clack of heels on pavement as someone walked away, and behind me, I could hear some kind of fabric rustling. A flag, maybe?
"Lex, talk to me," Gideon said. His hand came out to rest on my arm again, but since I had no clue if we were being watched or not, I stepped out of his reach.
"I'm okay, sorry about that. I just got a little lost."
Gideon was silent for a moment, but thankfully it wasn't long before he said, "I'll take you home. You can tell me what you need, and I'll come back and get it."
I heard the truck door being opened. This time, when Gideon reached for my arm, I let him take it, but I didn't let him lead me toward the vehicle. Instead, I said, "Gideon, no, wait. I want to try this, if you don't mind. Even if I could only get a few things, I just need to know that this is something I can do someday. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but in the future."
The fingers on my arm tightened just a bit. I could sense Gideon's hesitation and I didn't blame him. I’d probably embarrassed him a great deal. "You know what, you're right," I began. "This was a bad idea. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'd like to take you up on your offer to get me a few things until Andre is able to get back here. I'll… I’ll make sure he stays in town so I have a ride in the future." I turned in what I hoped was the direction of the truck, but Gideon held fast and I was forced to stay where I was.
But it didn't last long because all of a sudden, I was being walked backwards until my back hit the truck. I could tell Gideon had caged me in with his body and arms because I felt them. I had a moment of panic when I thought maybe he was angry about having had to talk me down during my panic attack, but then Gideon said, "Are you reneging on your promise to buy me a cup of coffee, Parker?" The use of my last name and the way he asked the question made it clear that he wasn't at all angry. At least not in the way I’d thought.
"No," I said.
"Good. Because I'm thirsty." I was sure Gideon leaned in a bit more because I could smell the mintiness of his breath. "And if you ever say shit about me being embarrassed by you, friends or not, we’re going to have an issue. Do you hear me?"
It was all I could do not to smile. Clearly, running Gideon off was not something that would be an easy task. I didn't know what I’d done to deserve his attention, but I gladly grabbed onto it and held it for as long as I could. "Yes, Callahan, I hear you." I brought my hand up to my forehead in a mock salute. Two minutes earlier, I’d barely been able to breathe and now here I was, feeling almost human again because of the man in front of me. Nothing about him made sense, but maybe it didn't need to.
"Just for that, brat, you’re buying me a croissant. And no, I'm not putting out."
I found myself laughing at his comment as he pulled me forward and looped my arm through his so he could guide me across the street. As we walked, he began explaining the layout of Merv's. He also called out every divot and piece of debris in my path to make sure I didn't trip. If there were any eyes on us as we crossed the street, I no longer cared.
Once inside the store, people began greeting Gideon. Several called him "Mouse." When I began laughing, Gideon threatened to introduce me to Mr. Mulvaney who apparently had a tendency to spit when he spoke. I forgot all about feeling embarrassed about my condition until one particular younger woman that stopped us to talk to Gideon—actually, talk was the wrong word, because she was clearly flirting with him—took notice of me and said, "Oh dear, who's this poor fella here? Can't you see, honey?"
"Why no, Delia, he can’t," Gideon responded. "So no need to worry about blinding him with that jacket you’re wearing."
I found myself smiling at the sarcasm in Gideon's voice, but Delia clearly didn't get it because she said, "Ain't it just the prettiest thing you ever saw? These are genuine rhinestones." Her Southern accent sounded very much rehearsed and while I had no clue what she looked like, I would've been able to smell her from a mile away. She might as well have bathed in Chanel perfume. My assistant wore the same fragrance but understood the concept of less is more. From what Gideon had said about the woman’s choice of outerwear, she didn't share that same sensibility. Either way, Gideon had taken one for the team because Delia promptly forgot all about me and began flirting with Gideon again.
"Will I be seeing you at the pancake breakfast at the firehouse next Sunday?" Delia asked.
"No," Gideon said simply and then took my arm to lead me away. The clicking of heels on linoleum meant that his abruptness hadn't done the trick. I felt bad that we couldn’t move any quicker because Delia had no trouble keeping up with us.
"But I've already bought you a ticket. If you don't go, I'll have to return it and get my fifteen dollars back," she whined.
"That money benefits the firehouse, Delia," Gideon said. "They use the proceeds to buy much-needed fire equipment."
"So you'll come," Delia said excitedly, completely missing the point. I heard Gideon growl under his breath and I could easily imagine the words that would come out of his mouth next. I'd already determined that Gideon didn't have much patience for foolishness.