I had been stupid to ever agree to come here tonight with Logan, but even Lauren had pushed me to do it. She said it served Cole right to see me moving on and with someone else. I knew it was a bad idea from the start, but a part of me liked the thought of making Cole hurt the way he’d hurt me so many times before. I thought it would make me happy to see him in pain.
But when I had seen the agony on his face, it’d made me anything but happy. Hurting Cole hurt me as well even though it shouldn’t have. I didn’t feel vindicated or justified. His pain was my pain. We were connected, and we both sensed it. I was so tired of denying it or pretending like it didn’t exist.
“Christina, babe,” Logan said, and I scoffed at him.
“Stop calling me that. I hate it. Take me home, please,” I said as I folded my arms across my chest.
Logan knew that everything had changed. “Why are you listening to him? Why would you believe Cole over me?”
The aftertaste of vodka still burned in my throat, and I wished I’d never taken the shots. But Logan had pushed them in front of me, and I’d still wanted to punish Cole.
“Because I know him better than I know you.” The words slipped out of my intoxicated mouth. “And I don’t trust you.”
“Find your own way home then,” he said before slamming the car door and walking off into the dark.
I pulled out my phone and called Lauren.
Going Out of My Mind
Cole
I stood in the front entry of the baseball house and waited for Logan to come back. I knew he would. Staying away when he could poke the bear more would prove to be too tempting for him. He had to come back to see what his handiwork had accomplished. To see how far he’d pushed me. To see just how far I’d cracked.
I couldn’t stop pacing. I paced from the front door to my bedroom door. Twelve steps. My door to the kitchen—nineteen steps. Then, I’d turn around and do it all over again. When my teammate Brandon asked me what the hell I was doing, I shot him a glare that made whatever smart-ass remark he was about to say next die in his throat.
Mac and Chance had deemed me less of a threat apparently since Mac was attached to the redhead’s face again, and Chance was nowhere to be found. I pulled out my phone, tempted to text Christina and make sure she was okay and home safe. Somewhere in there, I planned on apologizing as well, but all I could see right now was Logan’s hand on her ass and the look he had given me when he put it there.
And while I was ninety-nine percent convinced that Logan was doing this for sport, that one percent ate away at me. What if I’m wrong? What if Logan really does like her and my ego is playing tricks on me? Haven’t I been the one to let her go over and over again? How could be so stupid for so long?
The more time that passed, the more pissed at myself I became.
Pissed that I’d ever let her go.
Pissed that I had convinced myself all this time that I never felt anything real for her.
Pissed that I’d pushed her into someone else’s arms.
Pissed that I had no one to blame but myself for it.
Pissed that I’d wrongfully assumed she’d keep waiting for me.
Every single year, the two of us would circle back to one another, hanging out off and on before I pulled my usual bullshit and pushed her away. I think a fucked up part of me thought I’d never be able to push her far enough that she wouldn’t come back.
I could see everything I’d done to her so clearly now, and it stung. I’d given her scraps of my attention, little bits on a fishing line that kept her hooked. If I thought she had moved too far away, I’d give the line a little tug, and she’d be right back in my arms like she’d never left. Looking back, I wasn’t proud of how I’d treated her, but I had been too arrogant to see what I was truly doing. And too stupid to put all the pieces together at the time. I’d never had a solid relationship to look up to or build from, so I didn’t know how to do one right. It was no excuse, but it still felt relevant. Maybe she’ll understand?
My thoughts were interrupted as Logan walked through the door, his chest puffed out, and I stormed to him, ready for a fight. “Where is she?”
He tossed me a go fuck yourself look. “Home. Apparently, she had too much to drink. Who knew?”
It hit me then—Christina’s beer-only policy. Logan had known about it.
“You asshole,” I said before charging him and slamming him up against the front door.
The sound of his body hitting the wood echoed in the house, and before I knew it, our teammates were between us, splitting us up and yelling for us to stop.
“Hit me. I dare you to fucking hit me!” Logan yelled, baiting me.
“Coach has a no-fighting policy. He’ll bench you,” Chance was screaming in my face. “He will bench you, and you know it, Cole. He doesn’t make exceptions,” he ground out, his arms gripping my shoulders as he worked to hold me back.
I pushed Chance to the side as I screamed around him, “You knew!” I pointed a finger at Logan, who was being held back by Mac and Brandon.
“Knew what?” he asked, his tone equally as pissed as my own as he fidgeted against them.
“You knew that she didn’t drink hard alcohol. You knew, and you gave her shots anyway.”
The possessive way I felt for Christina was almost animalistic. He had intentionally tried to hurt her even more than I’d originally suspected, and I wanted to fucking destroy him for it.
“Yeah, I knew,” he admitted. “Is that what you want to hear? I knew she hated shots, but I got her to drink them anyway. I wanted her to loosen up. She’s always so tense. Was she like that with you? Wound up tight like a teenage virgin? Is that why you didn’t keep her around?”
I shoved Chance aside with one last hard push and charged for Logan, my vision blurred red with my anger. “You’d better not have touched her,” I roared. “I’ll fucking kill you if you put your hands on her after getting her drunk.”
Mac blocked Logan’s body with his own, knowing that I would never hit him. Reaching around Mac, I tried to get at Logan, but Mac wouldn’t allow it. He used his shoulders to completely block me, making me flail around like a fucking idiot.
“Get out of my way,” I said through a clenched jaw.
“No,” Mac ground out, using his force to keep me at bay.
“Tell me you didn’t touch her.” I continued making a scene as a crowd gathered around us, but I didn’t care anymore. At this point, Christina’s safety was the only thing on my mind, not a bunch of baseball groupies.
“I’m not telling you shit,” he spat over Mac’s shoulder, toward me.
“Get the fuck out of here, Logan.” Chance’s voice was loud, boisterous, and demanding.
“Why am I the bad guy here?” Logan actually had the nerve to ask. “Cole’s the one all wound up over some chick who isn’t even his. You can’t be mad at me for wanting her.”
“You don’t want her. You just want to fuck with him,” Chance said, sounded exasperated. “And we all know it. Stop playing games.”
“Tell me you didn’t touch her,” I yelled again, demanding he answer me, but he refused and stayed silent, giving me nothing but a wink he knew I’d interpret badly.