She startles, hand going to her chest as she swivels her head to see who’s creeping on her. A smile lifts the side of her mouth.
“Do you have nothing better to do then trawling the sidewalk for women?”
“Not when they’re as pretty as you.” I roll to a stop.
“My mom told me not to get into cars with strange men.”
“Well, good thing I’m not strange then, huh?”
“Or perverts.” She raises a brow, and I grin.
“Can’t defend myself on that one but I can promise to keep my hands to myself if that makes your decision easier.”
She saunters over as best she can with one foot still in a cast and slips into the passenger seat. Her hands rub down her thighs to warm herself up.
“You have to promise the same, though,” I quip.
She raises her hands in the air. “I’ll try to stop myself.”
“I don’t make that easy.”
“Ha.”
“Where are going?”
“Home.”
“Where are you coming from?”
“Nowhere. Can I put the music on?”
Before I can give an answer, she’s fiddling with my stereo and hitting play on the playlist I have set up. Bruno Mars’ Gorilla blares into the small space, rebounding off the windows and serenading us.
“Really?” she asks, amusement adding some color to her skin.
“It’s my pervert music. I’m strange, what can I say? You got in the car with me.”
“Are you going somewhere?” she asks in a distant voice. Her head is resting against the window.
“Why? Did you want to do something?”
“Can we just drive around for a bit?”
“Sure.”
We fall into a comfortable silence, the music enough sound, filling the air between us. I hate that she’s hurting and I don’t know what or if there’s anything anyone can do for her. Her eyes appear so lost.
We’ve been driving for around forty minutes before I pull into a secluded little spot that I like to come too late at night when I can’t sleep and need to think about things.
Her head stirs and her mouth pops open. “The beach?”
The sound of the waves crashing soothes me. The smell of the salt, and clean air just does something to calm the hectic thoughts inside my head, and maybe they can calm hers too, even for a moment.
“People never come to this part this time of year and I love it. It’s so peaceful and untouched. It reminds me of a deserted island; pure and untainted by the world.”
She’s staring at me, and it causes a blush to creep up my neck. I’m fucking blushing because I sound like a tool and she’s witnessing it.
“That’s kind of beautiful.”
I turn to face her and will the embarrassment of being so open to not show all over my face.
“Can we go for a walk?”
I smile and nod my head. “Sure. Let me grab you something to put on your arms or you’ll freeze.”
Jumping out of the car, I open the boot and rummage through the bag I have in there full of my clothes.
Opening her door, I hand her the hooded sweatshirt. She slips it on and steps out of the car. Her eyes widen, and she looks up and down my body.
“You can’t go on the beach in that.”
I look down at the Versace suit and loafers, and shrug.
“I come here after work some nights in a suit. I’ll just roll up my trouser legs and leave my shoes in the car.”
Her eyes glisten, and she waggles her eyebrows. “You bring your hook-ups here, huh?”
I hate that that’s where everyone’s mind goes. “I’ve never brought anyone here. It’s just for me.”
Her brow crumples and she lifts her hand to rest on my chest. “Thank you for sharing it with me.”
Taking her hand in mine, I lead her down the narrow path to the sand; it’s cold between my toes, and familiar. I already feel like a ton is lifting from me and making me stand taller.
“I saw Julie earlier.”
“Really?”
She scrunches her shoulders up so high they nearly swallow her head.
“I know it’s not really my business and it won’t be the first time I’ve told you this, but you deserve so much better than her, and being with her won’t get you over or closer to Gaby.”
I pull her to a stop so I can face her when I tell her with conviction, “I haven’t been with her for weeks, and I won’t ever go there again.”
She stares at me for a few silent beats before nodding her head and taking off walking again.
“What about Gaby? Have you spoken to her?”
An ache begins in the back of my neck so I bring my hand to rub there.
“It’s complicated.” I reach down, grab a stone, and throw it into the ocean. “She’s acting out, and I know she has a right to, she’s going through a lot, but I don’t know. It kind of shows a lot of her ugly.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m not sure. I just think maybe all these feelings I thought I had were a lot to do with people telling me she was off limits and that I wasn’t worthy of a girl like her, and when she showed interest, I kind of grabbed on to her as acceptance and proof that I was.”
She’s shaking her head, a frown marring her lovely features. “I don’t think it’s to do with your worth. No one has the right to determine your worth but you. I think Fin and everyone is just aware that you like to play the field, and maybe she would get hurt if your interests changed.” We stare at each other until she lets out a little laugh. It’s not real, it’s more to break the atmosphere descending. “And you have just said that you’re not sure how are you feel about her now. It’s only been a few weeks since you were all puppy-eyed over her.”
“It’s true. I’m conflicted with how I feel. It doesn’t feel like a few weeks, it seems like years of hurt and back and forth. Some people are just not made to be together no matter what they want.”
She stops and lowers herself to the sand, sitting down and wrapping her arms around her knees, bringing them up to her chest. “It’s so peaceful here.”
I drop on my haunches and pick up another stone. “It’s why I love coming here.”
“Am I keeping you from work?”
“No. I’m the boss.” I smile, and she returns it, leaning into me and resting her head on my forearm. I let her lie there as long as she needs.
THINGS ARE IN LIMBO; that’s the best way I can explain it. Nothing feels solid, secure. It’s like walking on glass over a fifty-foot drop to hell. You’re begging that glass not to crack, and in another breath, you fear it already has.
I find Gaby at Antonia’s door when I make my way down to hers.
“She’s not in.”
Where the fuck is she?
“And I don’t know where she is before you ask. She’s not answering her cell.”
“How are you?” I ask.
With everything going on, I’ve neglected Gaby a lot during this crisis, and that’s fucking shitty of me.
“I’m great!” She contorts her face to try and look indifferent, but she sounds like she’s constipated and I can see straight through her.