“No. Saliva is just as effective.”
“Now we just need to go see Gaby,” Diane states, as she makes her way back out.
“My flights are booked,” Finlay blurts out before I can escape into the bedroom.
After much reluctance, he is going on a few business trips, and I will miss him before the goodbye just like I always did. It’s a constant state of tug of war where my emotions are concerned. Part of me wants him here to share in my depression, and then the depressed side of me wants him away so I can let it swallow me up and not have to hide it from him. Darkness hangs over me like a rain cloud threatening to drown me at any moment. It’s best I don’t pull him under with me.
“So, I’m leaving early in the morning and thought we could maybe have some fun tonight and try to get back to the old us?”
They don’t exist.
He’s smiling like he just complimented me or something, when in fact, he’s reminding me that I’m no fun at the moment and ruining what we used to have.
Pulling the fake smile that is becoming easier and easier to pull off, I go to his open arms, rest my head against his chest, and will myself not to break and cling to him in a broken mess.
“Sure. That sounds good.”
No, it doesn’t. I want to curl up in bed and scream into my pillow because the thought of closing my eyes and dreaming of that monster is galling.
Kissing the top of my head, he ushers me to the bedroom. “Go find something beautiful to put on. I’ll call Gavin and tell him to put us the guest list.”
I wish I could go to Gavin’s hideaway beach instead.
“Sounds fun.”
Lies.
It’s cold outside, but I slip into a short dress nonetheless. I don’t want to lose Finlay, and this dark entity inside me is like a virus, poisoning my mind, telling me I will lose him if I don’t perk up, let the past go, and be the fun, sexy girl he fell for.
The rational me, the one lost and beaten by the dark poison infecting my sanity would slap these thoughts right out of my head, but I’m weak, and as much as I want distance, in another breath, I’m terrified of it and of being alone. We had, have, such a powerful love between us. What if I destroy that?
“You look incredible.” He smiles, creeping towards me in slow, predatory strides. A flush of heat slowly burns through me, giving me hope that I can do this. I can forget for a while.
Checking my watch again, a sigh escapes my lips. I don’t want to be here.
“You look perplexed,” Gavin barks into my ear over the loud bass of the DJ’s set.
My eyes trail down to the bar where Finlay is knocking back shots, and women flock around him like seagulls around food.
“It’s just… Fin makes it look so easy just to have fun and…” I shrug my shoulders before looking at him and adding, “… forget.”
“He told me about James and his brother.”
My stomach drops and a sting of betrayal burns through my veins. “Why? Why would he tell you that?”
“Because he needed someone to talk to and he’s going away on business and wanted me to look out for you, which I would do anyway. But you need to remember that he didn’t live your past. The betrayal you must be feeling didn’t happen to him, and although he is angered and heartbroken for you, he didn’t have to live through it. What you’re going through and feeling is different.”
“I hate that I brought so much baggage into his life.”
He smiles at me. It reaches the blue in his eyes and makes him look younger. “We all have baggage, sweetheart, and Fin’s strong enough to carry yours. Don’t ever think you’re a burden to anyone. He’s lucky to have you. Damn, we all are.”
I nudge him with my shoulder. “Thank you.”
He leans back and rests his arms along the back of the seating area we’re occupying. “I’m just buttering you up for when you leave him and realise you want me instead.” He grins wickedly, flashing his pearly whites at me.
Slapping his knee, I get up and make my way down to the bar. Some cute brunette is leaning in too close to Finlay for it not to be construed as flirty as hell.
“You want to get out of here? I have a car in the parking lot with a roomy back seat.” She’s whisper yelling and can be heard by the other people around them, and me, causing one girl to gasp and snidely call her a slut before skimming off to the dance floor. I debate making my presence known but the need to hear his reply is overpowering.
“I’ll pass, but thanks,” he tells her, with a grin that shows his dimple. She pouts and still clings to his arm, almost tugging on it.
“I’m here with someone.” He laughs at her, pulling his arm free, and sickness swirls in my stomach. He’s telling her no, but the way he’s still smiling is giving this girl the impression that he may not mean no. Anger bubbles up in my blood. I don’t want to make a scene in Gavin’s club, not after already making one that time with Julie. I stand in his line of sight, giving him a glare that would flay him if I had the power to. He doesn’t appear to even register my look of disdain, and instead reaches out to me and pulls me into him on the opposite side of this woman who can’t take a hint. “Hey, baby,” he says, leaning in and trying to kiss me.
“We were talking,” the woman shouts over the music at me. She squints and her lips draw into a thin line. “Do you mind?” she asks when I give her my attention. “We were in the middle of something.”
“No, we weren’t,” Finlay says, pulling completely away from her and leading me away from the bar. I give myself an imaginary pat on the back for not losing my temper with her and him.
“Jerk!” she calls out, and I have to stop myself from turning around and giving her a mouthful.
“I’m ready to go home,” I bark at him, and he makes a moaning sound.
“But we’re having so much fun. It’s been ages since we just had fun.”
“I’m tired, Fin.”
He hugs me into him and then pushes me back with wide eyes. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he nods his head and puckers his lips. “Gavin.”
I raise a brow.
“He hasn’t been drinking so I’ll get him to take you home, and I’ll be home later.”
Unbelievable. Who is this person?
“Thanks for doing this, Gav. I could have just jumped in a cab.”
He looks over at me and shakes his head. “Don’t be silly. Gets me away from work for a little while.”
I humph, and he smirks at me with a raised brow.
“You love work. It’s full of alcohol and women.”
“It gets old, trust me.”
“Apparently not for Fin,” I almost whisper, looking out the window at the blur of the streetlights.
“He loves you. He’s just blowing off steam.”
We pull up at my apartment block. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Wait. I’ll walk you inside.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I like to keep my face pretty. If I didn’t walk you in, Fin would kick my ass.”
“I won’t tell him.”