“Antonia. He is gone. There’s nothing you can do that will change that. Your dreams are not real. He isn’t calling out for help.”
Rubbing my hands together until the chill in the tips of my fingers eases, I bite my lip before saying, “I think it’s because I’m moving on. I’m happy again.”
“In love, you mean?”
A blush warms my cheeks. “Yes.”
“It’s new, so it’s very likely that this is why you’re dreaming of the love you lost. You don’t need to feel guilty for loving someone else because you know he will get that. Whenever you wake from one of these dreams or the emotion of guilt overcomes you, I want you to repeat these words. ‘He died, but I didn’t. It’s painful, it’s sad, but it’s not my fault, and it happened.’”
“He died, but I didn’t.”
Pulling my coat around me, I make my way home, stopping to pick up some wine.
The apartment smells amazing when I get home. Gabe and Libby greet me as I enter the kitchen.
“Do you mind us crashing your dinner?” She grins and I pull her into me for a hug. “Of course not.”
“That’s good, because Mike and Gaby are on the way too,” Gabe informs me, while swigging on a beer.
“I’ll take that,” Mary says, grabbing the wine from my hands.
“You not out with Abby tonight?”
Mary’s been seeing a girl called Abby for the last few months and things appear to be getting serious.
“She’s working. Her boss is a hard ass.”
“But incredibly good-looking.” Gavin beams, putting down the ladle he’s using to stir a huge pan of hot sauce.
“He is pretty,” Mary teases, and he nudges her on the way past as he makes his way to me.
Grasping me in his arms, he inhales my hair as he holds me. “I’m going to still need the dessert,” he whispers, and I blush.
We take our seats at the table just as Gaby and Mike show up.
My heart beats a gentle, contented rhythm, but the empty chair signalling there’s a member of our family not here opens up the small hole of sorrow that will forever live there for him.
Laughter and love surrounds the table and I pull my cell from my pocket and take a quick snap of us all and hit send.
My phone buzzes. It’s a picture of the beach. The sun rising, casting a mix of red and orange hues over the surface.
It’s followed with a text message.
Another country, another beach, but the same sunrise. It makes me feel closer to you all.
A smile graces my lips, and the warmth of Gavin’s hand taking mine makes me sigh.
“Fin?” he asks.
“Yeah.” I hand him the phone to show him the picture.
Finlay sustained three stab wounds to the abdomen causing a collapsed lung but he survived, and because of him coming here to say goodbye, he interrupted Jackson assaulting Mary.
After two surgeries and a month’s stay in hospital, he fully recovered.
The police agreed the self-defense Gavin pled to. With the history of Jackson’s crime, it wasn’t something they wanted to pursue with charges.
On the same day that Gavin killed Jackson, the police found James’ body. Jackson had murdered him, and stolen his identity and passport, using it to come here.
It took time to get over the shock and grief, but eventually we all began to heal.
Finlay signed the condo into my name and has been traveling the world. Gaby and Mike get married next month.
Gabe and Libby moved in together, and Gavin waited patiently for my heart to finally accept that I was falling for him. For two months we’ve been together fully as a couple, and it’s different to what I felt for Finlay. But no less special, no less powerful. Maybe we do have more than one soulmate in this world.
When the sorrow and obscurity close in, I look for hope in the beauty of the world around me. When it’s dark and no one is around, the moon still shines and the stars still sparkle, so even though some days I struggle, I can close my eyes and know there’s still a spark inside me, shimmering, fighting the demons, the darkness.
And if my light ever dims, Gavin’s burns bright enough for us both.
The end.