Her hands reach for my buckle and I can see the heat burning in her eyes.
She’s desperate for release and wants to get straight to it but I may never get another chance with her when she wakes up and realizes who I am and what she’s done.
I should stop this, stop her from making a mistake, but what if she seeks out the release with someone else? Some asshole at a bar that won’t realize the prize he holds in his grasp. Fuck, no.
But what if it ruins everything between us because she’ll feel ashamed?
“What are you thinking?” she pants.
Grasping her hips, I move her to the seat next to me and stand, buckling my belt.
“This will be more to me than it will to you.”
Her eyebrows pull together and those impossibly long lashes bat over her stunning green jewels.
“It can just be sex. Use me.”
My heart fucking breaks to hear those words from her lips.
“Never, Antonia. God, if I could take all of the pain away with this, I would, but your demons will just taunt you with it. You’d regret it and that would kill me.”
“You said you’ve thought about being with me. That you wanted it.”
This is fucking torture. Everything that’s male and carnal tells me to grab her around the waist and lift her, placing her down on the coffee table in front of us before skimming my hand down the gentle curves of her body to memorize every detail, every perfect imperfection that she usually tries to hide from everyone. I’d take my time touching, kissing.
Pulling her panties down her legs, I’d breathe in her scent and try not to lose it when it invades every part of me.
Bringing her feet up to rest over my shoulders, I’d make my slow, teasing descent to the folds between her thighs. Her bare pussy glistening with her eager panting. Her hands could tug on my hair, pushing and pulling me to drive the rhythm. My tongue would taste the excitement she has for me. I bet she’s sweet and sharp, all in the same breath. Intoxicating. I want to devour everything she has to offer. Her pink clit would throb under my tongue and her legs would tighten around my head, and I’d love it, her body coming undone, diluting like liquid for me to manipulate and pleasure, creating a gentle but powerful wave of her ecstasy. Fuck!
She picks her dress up from the floor and covers her tits. She’s reddening in the cheeks and I want to punch my head and heart in honor of my dick. I can just give her what she needs, and she can ignore me for a week, and then I’ll make her get over it and we can go back to being just friends and I’ll have the memory of her to keep forever.
It won’t be enough.
“You will regret this, Antonia, because you’re hurting right now, and I couldn’t take that. I can’t be the person you regret being with. You’re not ready to hear this, but if I don’t tell you, you won’t understand why I don’t want to take advantage of this gift you want to share with me.”
“You don’t need to make an excuse, Gavin. It’s fine,” she whispers.
Dropping to my knees in front of her, I take her hands in mine and force her to look at me. “When you’re ready, I want to be there, waiting. But at the moment, I’m not the answer or the remedy to the questions and the pain that you still have.”
“What are you saying?”
“I don’t want to be the person you settle for, or use to forget. I want to be the one you ache for, the one you can’t bear the thought of waking up without. Because that’s what you are for me.”
“Whoa.”
My heart sinks into my stomach and the acid there melts it into mush.
She stands and shakes her head. “I’m drunk and out of line.”
“No you’re not.”
“I want to feel that way,” she adds meekly, and tears build in her eyes.
“It’s too painful right now to let any other emotion in.”
She’s trying to let me down.
“It’s okay.” The last thing I wanted was to confuse or upset her.
She takes my hand and looks me dead in the eye; it almost winds me every damn time she gets this close.
“What you said.”
“Which part?” I ask with a small half smile.
“You said it would be more for you…”
“I think you’re amazing, strong, beautiful, talented, and honest. Every day I spend just being around you shows me more things to love about you.”
Squeezing my hand, she does this little shoulder shrug. “You love me?”
“God, Antonia. Who wouldn’t love you? If I could bottle up your perfection, I’d be a rich man. That smile… you kill me every time you flash it my way.”
“Gav,” she breathes, and then collapses into me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pushing her head into my chest. “You don’t know what you’re worthy of because no one ever tells you how amazing YOU are.” She pulls away and strokes her soft hand down my cheek. “I wouldn’t change a thing about you, and if I could let love inside again, I would want it to be just for you.”
She’s killing me. Could she be anymore fucking perfect? Her lips glisten and I want to kiss them every day for the rest of my life. Timing is everything though, and right now, she needs me as a friend. I’m okay with that if it means I get to be in her life.
“Can we just sleep? Hold each other for the night?”
“Sure.”
So we do.
HEAT FLOWS OVER MY back and around my stomach. My eyes flutter from a dreamless sleep. I haven’t slept so peacefully in months.
Gavin’s breath bursts over my cheek as his hand tightens around my waist.
This was nice, just comforting each other without the sex or pressure of having to dissect it.
The front door slamming causes Gavin to jump and sit up in a protective stance.
Gaby’s willowy frame waltzes into the bedroom, a box in her hands. She stops at the end of the bed and barks out a laugh. “That’s just perfect, after the crap you bitched about last night?”
“About that…” I begin.
She holds her hand up. “Don’t. I can’t believe you ranted about us and now you’re fucking his friend who happens to be the indiscretion you informed the room full of Mike’s family about. It’s ironic.”
“I was out of line last night.”
“Beyond over the line. You’re supposed to be on my team. My best friend. My sister.”
I push the covers away and get to my feet. She covers her eyes like she’s going to see something she doesn’t want to.
“I have clothes on, Gaby. We didn’t do what you’re implying.”
She looks through her fingers to see I’m wearing PJs.
“So, you’re saying that he’s in the bed because… what?”
“It’s none of your business and you need to ease the hell up.” Gavin goes on the defensive.
Gaby’s face contorts with rage. “How fucking dare you tell me to ease up? She nearly ruined things between Mike and me.”
“That’s a stretch.” I roll my eyes. She’s ever the drama queen. “I will apologize to Mike and to whoever else you want me to.”
“Mom. She deserves it.”
She tips the box she’s holding upside down over the bed and photos spill out.