I suck in a heavy breath at the memory.
I’d tried to give Lucian a blowjob when it was time for bed, but he claimed he was tired and needed to sleep. He gently brushed my hair away from my face and told me to lie down. I did as I was told, but I hated it. I wanted to accept him at his word, but I couldn’t stop thinking he just didn’t want me because of my problem. Because I’m broken. It took a lot for me to hold myself together and my self-esteem took a blow. I started to think I wasn’t good enough. That he thought I wasn’t good enough for him. And that he’s only trying to help me because he pities me.
I can only hope that it’s all in my head.
Breaking out of my dark thoughts, I let out a soft sigh of frustration as I look at the tons of emails on my computer screen. I’m never gonna get any work done.
Trying to push my situation from my mind, I begin to go about answering emails, starting with the most important ones first. By midday I’m halfway through my workload and I’ve taken a break to type a message to my therapist when Carla nearly breaks her neck bursting into my office. She's holding a newspaper clutched to her chest, her expression animated and excited. As usual, she’s dressed stylishly today in a black pantsuit and cream camisole peeking out from underneath, her hair pulled back into a single braid, bangs covering her forehead, rosy rouge coloring her cheeks and purple shadow frosting her eyelids.
She shakes the paper at me, her chest heaving violently, making me think she’s sprinted all the way up to my office without pausing to take a breath. “You will not believe what’s on the front page of the Daily Observer!” she gasps.
My curiosity piqued, I quickly close out the email that I was typing to my therapist about making an appointment so that Carla doesn’t see. I don’t need her thinking I’m broken, too.
“What’s that?” I ask, standing up to take the paper from Carla. I’m trying to be my normal self, but I just don’t have the peppy outlook I usually do. I’m tired, and my spirits are dampened.
“Just look at it!” wheezes Carla.
I snatch the paper from her hands and flip it around to the first page. A jolt of shock runs through me as my gaze settles on the page and I let out a soft gasp, my eyes going wide. The headline in bold takes my breath away.
Hot, Eligible CEO Bachelor’s new fling!
It’s a picture of me and Lucian on the night we had dinner at the restaurant, embracing and engaged in a heated kiss. Lucian’s hand is on my ass, and my arms are wrapped around his neck. My heart pounds. I know right when it was taken. I remember that moment like it happened only a minute ago.
“Crazy, huh?” Carla breathes next to my ear as she looks at the picture with me, causing me to jump. I was so engrossed with the picture that I forgot that she was even there. “Where the hell were you two at?”
I’m unable to respond, my eyes glued to the picture. A surge of powerful emotion runs through me. I can’t get over how much we look like a couple. Even though it was all supposed to be for show it almost looks... real. Like we really are in love.
My heart does a flip at the thought and I go weak in the knees, confirming what I felt earlier; I’m falling for Lucian. It scares the hell out of me. This, what we have, is fragile. It all hinges upon the fact he wants to fix me. But what happens when he decides I’m not worth the trouble? Or when my contract is up in nine days? My lips draw down into a frown as emotion threatens to overwhelm me.
And what will Lucian think about this? My blood spikes with anxiety. I can’t even begin to think of his reaction. I try to swallow, but it feels like my heart is shoved up my throat and trying to get away from me.
Carla stares at me, noticing my conflicted expression. “What’s wrong?” she asks me, placing her hand on my arm with concern. “Why aren’t you happy?”
I set the paper down on my desk and turn to her, parting my lips to say something, but then feel a lump the size of a golf ball fill my throat, staying my words. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just want this to be as real as this picture looks. I want that more than anything.
“Dah?” Carla says, coming in closer. “Is something wrong? Did Lucian do something to you?”
“No,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. “Not at all.” It would be far easier to just tell her my dilemma and not have her guessing at what’s wrong, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t want to risk telling her and being crushed that she doesn’t understand.
Carla places both her hands on my shoulders and gazes into my eyes. “What is it then, huh? You can tell me.”
No I can’t.
The lump is growing bigger. And I don’t know why. Everything is happening so fast, and I don’t know what to do. Just days ago, I was happy to have finally found someone who could get me off, but now he knows my secret and I think I’m falling for him. Fuck.
Tears well up into my eyes, and I feel like any moment I’m gonna start choking on them.
Seeing the anguish on my face, Carla pulls me into a tight embrace. “C’mere, girl.” She begins patting on my back, not knowing she’s making things worse. “Whatever’s the matter, it’s going to be okay. I’m here for you.”
My throat constricted with emotion, I’m unable to say a word, and can only manage to think my response.
Oh Carla, if only you knew.
Chapter 21
Lucian
The minute I get into the door, I make a beeline for the playroom. I can’t wait to see her. I’m ready for training to really begin. I drop the keys on the foyer table, making a loud clinking sound, and start undressing, leaving the jacket on the floor as I make my way to the stairs. I loosen my tie and pull it off as I push open the door, revealing my treasure.
She’s still, and in the exact position she should be in. The sight of her gorgeous curves and bared pussy makes my dick that much harder. She stirs slightly when she hears me walk in. I close the door gently, but I’m not nearly as quiet as I have been.
She rights herself instantly and goes motionless.
I know exactly what to do with my treasure. I strip down to my slacks as I make my way to the dresser. It’s filled with a variety of gear and toys. I have to open three drawers before I get to the one I need. I look over my shoulder and Dahlia is perfectly still, exactly how she should be. There are a few vibrators in this drawer, in all sorts of sizes. A large wand with a round head making it resemble a microphone in its build, bullet vibrators, butt plug vibrators, an egg with a remote. There's something for every mood and whim. A rough hum comes up my throat as I take each one in.
“Good girl, treasure,” I say as I place my hands on the edge of the drawer. “How was your day?”
She answers as I keep my back to her while I debate on which one I should choose. “It went well, sir.” Her voice is so soft I can barely hear her. “And yours?”
“Speak up.”
“And yours?” she repeats herself. I settle on the wand.
“Draining and unfulfilling up until now,” I say as I shut the drawer with the wand in my right hand.
“On your back,” I give the command as I shove my pants down and kick them off beside the bed. Dahlia’s quick to turn on her back. Her breathing is coming in a little quicker now. Her eyes stare at the ceiling, and her arms lay at her side.