“See this?” She looked at me with dead eyes, “just remember, it could be you.”
Taking a double take in the box, I realized it was carcasses of animals. Birds, squirrels, dogs maybe? What the fuck was wrong with her? Looking up slowly at her, I saw the knife she was clutching.
“Give me a reason Rita.” The girl spit out.
Fucking crazy bitch. She thought she had me, I would do her one better. “You may be able to protect yourself, but for every night you don’t allow me to punish you before you leave, Thomas and Lucy will receive your paddling.” Smiling I turned around to walk out.
“They will arrest you if you bruise them.”
“Ah, but they don’t go to school yet, so who will know? It’s not like any of the teachers, besides that young cunt, listen to you, and even she is getting tired of your mouth.” Laughing, I walked out seeing the doubt on her face.
Julia
She wouldn’t dare, would she? And what if she was right? What if Mrs. Otis was tired of hearing me complain?
I don’t think she will do anything to the babies. She can’t be that evil.
Putting the lid back on the shoe box, it occurred to me, she was the only person I had ever shown it to. I need to hide it so she can’t show anyone else. I always knew there was something different about me, I just needed to see what was inside of living creatures. The rush I got by opening them up, and then holding their beating heart in my hand until it beat its very last time, was indescribable. I never shared that with anyone.
Climbing off the bed, I went to the closet and found a loose vent. I put the box in and pushed it back, as far as it could go but not so far so I could still reach it. That’s when I heard it. The sound of Thomas screaming. The bitch did it. She took her anger out on the little ones.
I banged on my door. It opened up, she hadn’t locked it. Walking out to the room of the younger ones, she looked up at me maliciously, took the toddler off her lap, “It is Julia’s fault you have to get a whipping.”
The big tear drops were more than I could handle. Looking at her, I saw the vindication in her eyes.
She knew she had won this battle. She walked me back to my room, made me drop my pajama pants and underwear, bend over the bed, and paddled me. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of crying. It stung on my bare skin, but I wasn’t giving her anything.
It only lasted for two weeks, she would paddle me ten times on my bare butt. It was beyond purple, my whole bottom was black. I could barely sit down. I never cried in front of her, or screamed in pain.
Eventually, she got bored and forgot about it. I never did. On the day I left, I put a heaping spoon of rat poison in her coffee creamer. She would not allow anyone else to use it. If we drank coffee, we drank it black. She deserved to have her insides eaten up by the acid, destroyed by her selfish ways.
Chapter 7
Sister Purity
Sundays were my favorite day of all in the Convent. We would of course go to worship and hear Father Clarence’s sermon, then we each had our own regimen of what we needed to do.
I had read and reread the bible Mrs. Otis had given me so many times, I could recite verse. What a beautiful thing, the scriptures. It spoke of joy, hope, truth, justice, hell, and our eternal damnation. I finally found my way home, is how I always felt when I read.
Having only a few menial chores, I tried to get those out of the way right after the sermon. The floors were assigned to me. The kitchen, and the two long communal bathrooms.
There was nothing more satisfying then doing the work of the Lord. It was a time of learning as well. No one paid attention to the lowly servant on her hands and knees scrubbing the floors.
Starting in the kitchen, I took my bucket of water, getting on my knees on the marbles floor wasn’t a chore really. If I could keep God’s house clean, then it was my duty.
There were a few workers who were employed by the church to do the grounds keeping and general maintenance. They were in the kitchen eating and general gossiping. I took in the information about who would give them pleasures under her habit, who they wanted to try and convert, and who was right at that moment helping their fantasies out. It was interesting to see the more pious the sister it seemed, the bigger the slut.
Finishing up, they barely gave me a glance. I made sure I looked very plain every day. Almost homely, but not quite. I could put on a fashion show and blow them all away, but that wasn’t what I was there for.
Moving on to the bathrooms, I saw Sister Hanleigh in the last stall, cleaning up like I try to do every week. She smiled at me, then walked out. I wasn’t really sure what her deal was, but something about her made me want to find out.
Thankfully, the second one was empty. It usually was emptier because it was the furthest from any classes or work areas. There was an incident many years ago that shut most of that side down. No one would speak of the incident, except to say it happened.
After dumping my mop bucket, I went to my secret place. No one ever came to look for me, so I could wander around. Of course, I was very curious when I first came and wandered all over the place.
I found the secret area by accident. Trying to find a place where my box could be hidden, but still close, I found another hidden room that was just off of a hallway that attached to a door right inside my closet. I almost missed it. Accidentally, I leaned back on a section to take a break from moving stuff around and dusting. Before I knew what happened, I fell backwards into a dust filled hallway.
I took a candle to look around. Obviously, I wasn’t the first person to find this, but whoever had, it had been a long time. The dust was two inches thick, there were bugs crawling all around. And to me, it felt like my soul was at peace.
Walking into a room, I saw a full length mirror. Cleaning it off with my robe, I was enthralled with it. This would be perfect for me to perform self flagellation. When I had first been taught about it, I knew this was the missing piece.
Father O’Rourke gave me my discipline and explained the significance of it. It was a small whip that had seven cords that symbolized the seven deadly sins and seven virtues. There were three knots on each cord representing the number of days Jesus remained in the tomb after bearing the sins of humanity. He explained, I should inflict agony on myself to suffer as Christ and the other martyrs did.
I practiced self-flagellation in order to remind myself of everyone’s continued sin, depravity, and vileness. The pain, as the whips tore at my tender flesh, were nothing to me in my mind, compared to what others had to bear.
I needed to repent for the lives I took, even though it was something my psyche insisted on. There weren’t any small creatures in here, just bugs. A lot of them.
After I whipped myself, I would do my prayers in front of the mirror. Falling in the dirt and grime is where I truly belonged. As I felt the blood dripping down my back, I could hear the scurry of the legs scuttling up my back to partake. Never pausing my prayers, or opening my eyes, I only envisioned being covered in maggots. It is truly what I deserve.
After I have felt God has heard me, I stand up, shaking the critters off of my back. I know no one else would understand. Maybe Hanleigh, I’m not sure. She seems like me, but I’m not sure.