“I think you’ve about got the Santa thing covered,” Sally says, inspecting my bags.
“With this and what’s already in the trunk of the car, I think you might be right.” I shrug. “Besides, Monday is Black Monday and with Amazon Prime, I’ll get whatever I missed.”
“Don’t remind me. Last year I dropped a fortune, and I don’t even have a son.”
“No, but you’re Aunt Sally and you always do too much.”
She smiles over the rim of her coffee. “It’s not all for Jase. I still enjoy shopping for myself.”
I peek at the bags near her boots. “I noticed.”
“Hey, I can take some of your stuff to my place if you want and keep it hidden.”
“That would be great...”
We go on to discuss the fun of hiding the presents and what we remember when we were the little ones waking on Christmas morning. It’s hard not to think about Jackson when Jase is so excited. But every year, I’ve worked to make our private Christmas as special as it would be if Jackson could be there. Then, after our private presents and pancakes, we head over to my parents’ house for round two and finally to Jackson’s parents’ place for round three.
Though his parents aren’t as involved as mine, they’re always excited to spend time with Jase.
“What’s Malcolm doing this long weekend?” Sally asks.
“He went to visit his parents. Oh! They live in Florida too.”
“And he didn’t think we should have met them while we were there?”
I just shake my head. “Too real, thank you.”
“Well, I’m not surprised that they live there. Just think, he’ll come back all tan.” Her eyebrows do a little dance. “Tan-line discovery.”
“I never told you—”
“What? Spill. He’s amazing in bed and all you want for Christmas is a great big O?”
I giggle. “Subject is off-limits. I’ve told you that.”
“I’ve told you about Brian. He’s—”
“See,” I interrupt, shaking my head. “The thing is that I don’t want to know.”
“The best...that’s all I was going to say. I know how you are. No sexy details for my former-nun best friend.”
I laugh at that. “Former?”
“Yep. Whenever you mention Pep, you’re all giddy and shit. I think the only praying you’re doing now is calling out to God during those O’s.”
“You’re awful and possibly sacrilegious.”
“Wait, what were you going to tell me? What haven’t you told me? We’re best friends. I’m supposed to know everything.”
It’s then I remember the change in Jase. “This isn’t what I was going to tell you, but let me just say that since they moved Jase to that new teacher, it’s been the difference of night and day. He loves everything about his new class. It’s exactly what I was praying and hoping for...” Between my search for O’s. “...and the teacher...Jase is all ‘Mr. P. said’ or ‘Mr. P. did’...”
“And you still haven’t met this famous and mysterious Mr. P.?”
I shake my head as I take a sip of my coffee. “No. I mean, I doubt he’s very mysterious. It’s just that Cruella de Vil has been especially bitchy. Mom met him the first day Jase went to his classroom. She said he was nice and handsome...” I mimic my mother’s voice. “...and he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.”
Sally laughs. “Your mom’s hilarious.”
“It’s not just Mr. P. Now that she knows Malcolm’s name—thanks to you and my kidnapping—she mentions often that maybe it would be good for Jase and Malcolm to meet...” I shake my head as I take another drink. “Besides, as far as Mr. P. goes, Jase’s principal said that he’s a new teacher, so I figure he’s what...twenty-two or twenty-three?”
“Girl, you’re twenty-five. A younger man might be fun.”
“Almost twenty-six and no thanks. Mommy to one little boy is enough. Besides, I’m kind of seeing Malcolm.” And he’s a man, not a boy. I don’t say that, but the thought makes my insides pinch in just the right way.
“Kind of?” Sally asks. “Yes, you kind of have been seeing one another, for what...over three months?”
“Yes,” I agree. “We just celebrated our three-month anniversary.”
“I thought only high school students did that shit. Next you’re going to tell me you’ve been doodling his name with yours at work on your ink blotter.” Her voice goes up an octave. “Malcolm plus Amanda...”
“It wasn’t as if we actually celebrated. The night was...emotional.”
Sally’s smile fades. “Emotional? Why? What’s the matter?”
“This is what I haven’t told you...”
“Oh, honey...did he break it off? Did you? Why?”
“No,” I say. “That’s not it. I told him about Jackson.”
My best friend’s hazel eyes open wide as they fill with unshed tears. “You what?”
I simply nod, holding back my own tears. “I told Malcolm all about Jackson. He listened. He didn’t question or act jealous. He just held me and made me feel safe, like it was all right to share and grieve and be honest. After I poured out my heart, I fell asleep in his arms, listening to his heartbeat, feeling drained yet somehow lighter.”
Sally’s tears are no longer confined to her eyes. They’re now streaming down her face. Wiping them away, she mutters, “Damn sleep deprivation. I need a fucking nap.”
“Yeah, apparently, I was sleep-deprived that night too, because I cried through the whole thing.”
“And now?”
I shrug. “In a way, it doesn’t change anything: Jackson is still gone. I’m still Jase’s only parent, yet at the same time, as I said, it feels different. Lighter somehow. I don’t even know how to explain it.”
“Girl, Malcolm is the whole package.”
My grin returns. “No, remember, he is just one night.”
“Oh, that’s right.” She lifts her paper cup of coffee and offers a caffeine-infused toast. “To one fucking long night...like maybe one that lasts the next fifty years.”
We clink cups. Not really. Paper doesn’t make a sound.
“I’m scared to think of forever.”
“Then just keep it to one night. No one is rushing you. Keep it one night and maybe tomorrow time will stand still. What about introducing Jase?”
I shake my head. “I’m not ready to bring them together yet. Besides, with Mr. P. in Jase’s life, I don’t think Malcolm could compete.”
“It’s not a competition.”
“Maybe for the first time in years, time isn’t my enemy. Maybe we have time for that in the future. Like...way in the future.”
Sally looks down at the screen of her phone. “No, time’s not an enemy with your handsome men, but if we’re going to make the early-bird specials at Pink, we need to hustle.”
“I don’t think Jase needs lingerie for Christmas.”
Her eyebrows do the dancing thing again. “This is mommy-shopping and maybe even Pep-shopping.”